Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted...

By fark - 20/11/2014 20:45 - Ireland

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

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Health

Mr Sensitivity

No justice

Get the hell out of Dodge

By Becca_Jo - 6/1/2016 04:19 - United States - Caledonia

Today, I found out that the only reason my "friend" comes over to my apartment is so that she can charge her phone using my electricity, because she's too cheap to use her own. FML

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By anonymous - 17/12/2013 05:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

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By jordansquared - 21/12/2018 16:00

Today, I received a Christmas card from my husband’s parents and found for the 7th straight year I wasn’t included on the card. Instead they included a picture of my husband’s ex-girlfriend holding my baby. I’ve already received messages asking if he’s back together with her. No. No he’s not. FML

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By BIGCHEIFAAA - 24/4/2013 04:55 - United States - Union City

Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2013 15:03 - United States - Houston

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

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By Frustation - 30/7/2012 13:00 - United States

Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2015 01:23 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

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By konichiwa - 2/11/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

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By trisha - 16/7/2012 20:57 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML

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By Umlungu23 - 18/2/2019 00:00

Today, during my lunch break, I sat on the manager's chair. As I sat down, I heard a snapping sound and I ended up on the floor. Everyone now calls me "the lumpy girl" who broke the manager's chair. FML

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By Noname - 12/3/2009 09:06 - United States

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

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By storyofmylife - 10/6/2015 02:44 - Canada - Truro

Today, my boyfriend and I were hanging out when he suddenly said, "Do you know who I think is the most beautiful girl in the world?" I prepared myself for a cute compliment, until he showed me a picture of another girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2013 11:36 - United States - Big Pine Key

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2012 17:49 - Canada

Today, I tried to discipline my two year old son. Whenever I do this, he starts pointing and imitating me, and I can't help but laugh. This explains why he never listens to me. FML

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By ollie179 - 15/8/2011 19:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

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By davey d - 15/3/2012 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

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By cheekymac - 9/6/2010 15:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the airport baggage collection when I saw an old man struggling to get his very old and heavy suitcase off the belt before giving up. I had already collected my bag, but wanting to be helpful, the old man watched me as I grabbed his handle, yanked and snapped it clean off. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 20:00

Feelin' sexy

Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML

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By anonymous - 30/9/2012 05:32 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got yelled at for providing horrible customer service, in a store I don't even work for. FML

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By randomusername99 - 5/5/2014 21:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

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By oldskoolgrl - 29/3/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I was denied acceptance to The University of Georgia. I was down all day so I decided to go to a party my friend was throwing. Thinking it would cheer me up, as soon as I arrive all I see is colleges on shirts, hats, and sweatshirts, most being UGA. It was a college acceptance party. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2013 16:33 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I found out via Instagram that my boyfriend didn't actually go to the Bahamas with his dad as he claimed. Not unless his dad lost weight, grew tits and long hair, and likes to make out with his son. They have no cellphone service, so I can't even call to break up with him. FML

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By YOUNG1441 - 29/6/2016 21:50 - United Kingdom - Cramlington

Today, after finishing a two-day course for work, I was informed that the days used will either be unpaid or used up as holidays, as it was for improvement of myself and not the company. They put me on the course without my knowledge until the weekend before. FML

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By rattledwife666 - 21/1/2017 14:00

Today, when I asked my husband to join me in the shower to "save water", he said, "Let the environment suffer, not me." FML

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By qyx3lmnop24 - 20/12/2014 07:33 - United States - Napa

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

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By innocentbarista - 17/3/2013 19:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while serving two middle-aged women at the coffee shop, I was screamed at and accused of being a "sexist and chauvinistic bastard." This was prompted by me charging one of them 40 cents for the addition of steamed milk, which is clearly stated on the price sheet. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2019 00:00

Today, my anxiety has been so bad, I have had vivid dreams of my boyfriend of 6 months cheating on me. This is not the first time these dreams have happened, and I know for a fact he is not cheating. My anxiety is going to turn me into the crazy girlfriend from hell. FML

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By WhyM3Th0ugh - 10/9/2015 23:21 - United States - Sunnyside

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 00:02 - United Kingdom

Scruffy 'erbert

Today, I was in the garden of my new house when a neighbour came over and told me to clear off or she would call the owner to tell them they were being burgled. When I told her I was the owner, she said I was clearly unsuitable to be living on this street, and to stop lying before she called the police. FML

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By Username - 28/9/2010 16:16 - France

Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defense lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one is going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML

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By turning red - 27/7/2013 01:14 - United States

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

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By NoDocVisit - 27/7/2016 02:27 - United States - Parrish

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

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By itsrathersmall - 15/1/2013 21:58 - United States - Fargo

Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML

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By lovelychris - 16/12/2012 19:15 - Brazil - S?o Paulo

Today, my "friends" set me up on a blind date with a guy who according to their description, sounded perfect in just about every way. He turned out to be my obsessive ex, and this is their idea of a funny prank. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2018 15:00

Today, I came out as transgender to my extremely accepting and religious family over Facebook. My feed is currently flooded with plans for my exorcism. FML

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By sashimi9999 - 7/2/2014 01:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

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By scewable - 13/10/2011 07:19 - United States

Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML

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By ywouldudomelikethat - 3/1/2016 20:02 - United States - Renton

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2014 15:38 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I'm so broke that I had to call in sick to work because I couldn't afford to pay my bus fare. FML

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Top comments

By devildog562 | 33

#6123991 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:22

It happens. Hopefully you didn't hurt the floor ...

By suruhhhhh | 8

#6123992 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:22

Short term memory loss is a bitch.

COMMENTS

By Rinat_fml | 26

#6123987 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:20

Lol

By devildog562 | 33

#6123991 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:22

It happens. Hopefully you didn't hurt the floor ...

teyyoshi | 19

#6124077 - Friday 21 November 2014 1:54

the floor proves to be innocent

AriettaX | 15

#6124215 - Friday 21 November 2014 5:41

hopefully everyone "nose" the hazards of a wet floor! hahaha nose.. ha.

Ki11erC | 18

#6124233 - Friday 21 November 2014 6:28

@43 You can go back to your corner now.

AriettaX | 15

#6124236 - Friday 21 November 2014 6:35

@45 my corner is very comfortable, it has a nice desk and computer. yeah. take that!

coming back in the future | 30

#6124245 - Friday 21 November 2014 7:08

You must be new here #46

devildog562 | 33

#6124317 - Friday 21 November 2014 9:08

45 don't be a douche bag she's is welcome on my comment. You however are not funny or original.cheesy but funny is okay.

By suruhhhhh | 8

#6123992 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:22

Short term memory loss is a bitch.

TheGolfGTI | 24

#6124039 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:54

I mean come on, water you doing OP?

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6124153 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:30

Actually, usually only bitches get wet...

*braces for massive downvotes because people assume that I'm sexist and not funny

By howtobestupid | 16

#6123993 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:22

Rather slippery situation

Flaming_Pandas | 15

#6124145 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:11

You know what else is slipping? Your comment's vote count.

ProfKowalski | 5

#6124302 - Friday 21 November 2014 8:45

Well, water you gonna do about it?

By deathstroke990 | 22

#6123994 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:22

Things like that can easily escape your mind when you're paying attention to other things, fyl op

niallo | 23

#6124534 - Friday 21 November 2014 16:33

Also the fact that it was placed there 30 minutes ago. I would have assumed it would be dry after that time.

By LittleSushi_fml | 13

#6123995 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:23

Pay more attention.

By vintageart1994 | 16

#6123996 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:23

Talk about not paying attention o.O

By nevm | 12

#6123997 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:23

Good job Dory

By vaderismyfriend | 27

#6123999 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:23

Bitches be tripping

un0m3 | 14

#6124013 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:31

*Trippin

Garrett2818 | 21

#6124096 - Friday 21 November 2014 2:26

Congrats 16, you're the first person on this site to incorrectly correct someone's grammar and get up voted.

Ashd09 | 30

#6124105 - Friday 21 November 2014 2:43

slipping*

PresidentNorth | 16

#6124201 - Friday 21 November 2014 5:13

and then there's you #30.

By Paulvuck | 15

#6124000 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:23

Sorry OP, but that's just a huge fail. What did you do the night before to make you forget things like that? Get your nose fixed, I know it hurts... GL