Work: Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

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Understandable

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Sorry…

By Anonymous - United States - State College

Gotcha!

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

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By Ear Invasion - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Redfern

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

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By jam - Australia

Today, I received a parking fine for $147. My car isn't even worth that much. FML

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By Anonymous

Someone's getting coal from Santa...

Today, my nephew stabbed me in the knee with a colouring pencil. The hospital says he ripped a hole in a tendon and I need surgery to fix it or one day it'll snap. I’ll have a limp for the rest of my life. FML

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By SelfServiced - United States - San Francisco

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

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By Boyufd

Show and tell

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML

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By Soggy Sophia - United Kingdom - Bristol

Welcome back

Today, I went for my daily post-op doctor's appointment, where I was told I can resume normal activities. Which was handy when I came home to half-an-inch of water throughout my apartment, due to my washing machine drainage pipe coming undone while I was gone. FML

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By IHaveTwoOwies

Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML

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By Poowee - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

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By paula.isabel

Today, I was in a car crash. While I was being immobilised by the paramedics to be taken to the nearest hospital, the passenger of the other car, who didn't have a single scratch, touched my shoulder and said, "It doesn't matter, nobody got hurt." FML

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By queenmabby

Today, for the first time ever, I was able to have a good hair day without blow drying it or using product. Or so I thought. The first words my mom spoke to me when I came downstairs were “Go fix your hair.” FML

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By stalked - United States - Bel Air

Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it a solo came on, and i turned to her and said "This is the worst F*ing solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to be cute, my boyfriend threw a snowball at me. This would have been fine had it not been hard enough to break my glasses. As a college student, I have to choose between eating for the next two weeks or replacing them. FML

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By LittleArtist - United States - Bessemer

Today, after 3 weeks of hard work, I finally finished painting my room. Apparently my 6-year-old brother thought I wasn't done and that he should help me out. I now have little red handprints all over my white walls. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Croydon

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

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By Anonymous - France - Paris

Minor Threat

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." FML

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By Newgenmom - 18/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom

Not for me

Today, I told my husband I might want a baby, so he took me to visit his best friend who has a toddler and we stayed for an hour. I no longer want a baby. I want the pill wrapped in 2 condoms and a joint vasectomy/hysterectomy paid for with my non-baby disposable income, and my husband now has a shit eating grin. FML

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By ID10t - United States

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work: I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

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By don't cry over spilled milk - United States - Elmendorf Afb

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2021 15:01 - Australia - The Oaks

Sorry, but it's a no

Today, after years of battling mental health and unemployment, I was rejected from a job packing tomatoes. Apparently I'm unsuitable for even the most basic work. FML

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By superstar - United States

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

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By GrumpyBunny - United States - Marysville

Today, I learned the true meaning of "throwing money down the toilet" when pulling my pants up, somehow my $100 Easter money fell out of my pocket mid flush. FML

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By RIP

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. Aside from falling every 2 minutes, I was apparently showing the entire mountain (including my dad) my thong every time I fell and got back up. My boyfriend saw everything and didn't let me know until we finished the 20-minute run we were on. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML

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By twiggy24 - United States

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

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By failingyetagain - United Kingdom - Barrow Upon Soar

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

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By thanks a lot asshole - 26/9/2020 17:02 - United States

One law for thee, another for me

Today, I went to visit my father. His new wife has hoarded out our childhood home nearly to the point of it being unliveable. That’s pretty funny, considering my dad used to literally beat us if our rooms weren’t clean or we left dishes in the sink. FML

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By WTF - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML

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By MondayonaTuesday

Today, while rushing to a big marketing presentation, I started feeling ill in my car. I was stuck in traffic, and before I could get my window open I threw up all over my suit. All I had were some tissues to try to clean the mess before presenting to a full boardroom. FML

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By Lorky - United States

There goes the neighborhood

Today, I received an email from the office of the apartment complex I moved into two months ago. Apparently, a woman a few apartments down from mine was murdered. Time to pack. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

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By some people... - United States

Today, a man at the comic book store I work at asked me if Spider-Man is based on a real story, and verbally abused me when, thinking he was joking, I laughed. He wasn't. FML

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By Anna - Estonia

Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML

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By DreDre

The charity

Today, I found out that the dude I love has been taking the money I used to support him and buying heroin with it. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2020 02:03

Ouch

Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

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By godzilllla - United States - Bothell

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

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Top comments

By saranottelling | 7

#785162 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:55

The website the OP sent her boss to had some nasty ads (Probably for porn websites or something similar.) The OP didn't know though because she has adblock (which meant she couldn't see the nasty ads)

By lisaaaar | 0

#785188 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:04

Ahaha. Adblock is one of the first things to go on when I help people with their internet.
Oh well. No harm done hopefully OP. Those ads switch out everywhere like crazy.

COMMENTS

By kdrox | 0

#785136 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:49

heh

Reply

MacOSXpert | 7

#785316 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 2:10

Let me guess, the suggestive ads were women showing their body parts along with the word 'Evony'

FREE FOREVAR!!!!!

Edit: Look! there's an Evony ad right above us! HAHAHA

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#785564 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 4:34

Play for free, my lord!

Plants vs Zombies made an anti Evony ad campaign. Go check it out, funny stuff.

Reply

martic835 | 2

#785838 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 8:50

LMFAO!!!!!

Reply

MacOSXpert | 7

#786077 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 11:40

KEK! Freeze, that was hilarious, thanks for telling me about that :]

Reply

YDIForSure | 0

#787032 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 21:59

Lmao, I hate those evony ads, too. I'm on a random page and it's there....then my parents walk in...

Reply

tangerine_12 | 0

#787190 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 23:29

yeah, i actually dont see what a woman in underwear has anything to do with that game.

Reply

Cjw1220 | 0

#1593828 - Sunday 24 October 2010 9:27

What's wrong with women in underwear?

Reply

Synapse_fml | 0

#2937229 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 13:07

well, nerds play games... most nerds = men... men

By SundayNight_fml | 0

#785137 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:49

first

By studentwoes | 2

#785149 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:53

that's unfortunate.

By wierdo16 | 0

#785150 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:53

lmfao

By Nic_hole | 0

#785152 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:53

people will think I'm stupid for this but I'm not sure I get it?? please explain :/

Reply

saranottelling | 7

#785162 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:55

The website the OP sent her boss to had some nasty ads (Probably for porn websites or something similar.) The OP didn't know though because she has adblock (which meant she couldn't see the nasty ads)

Reply

SarahSehhati | 40

#6110919 - Thursday 6 November 2014 7:06

Thank you. I didn't get it either. So don't feel dumb #5 :)

By Grey123 | 0

#785156 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:54

fail... why the hell do people always brag about being first? nobody cares.

Reply

youngbutwise15 | 5

#785196 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:05

#6 is right, first people are more annoying than trolls.

And to the OP, I can't really choose YDI or FYL on this one, I dunno why. What was the question?

Reply

amy397123 | 0

#785788 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 7:45

The first people are trolls, silly.

Reply

Crasken | 0

#786541 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:44

not most of the time, they aren't...

By Nic_hole | 0

#785170 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:59

ohh okay haha danggg

By danny_94 | 0

#785178 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:01

today, while trying to be romantic, i attempted to kiss her...missed, dropped her glasses, we both bent over to pick em up., i stepped on them... >.>

By VanessaVander | 2

#785183 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:02

ooo ouch! fyl, but lol

By lisaaaar | 0

#785188 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:04

Ahaha. Adblock is one of the first things to go on when I help people with their internet.
Oh well. No harm done hopefully OP. Those ads switch out everywhere like crazy.