Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/1/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

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Season finale

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Incognito browsing

By depressedpreggo - 18/11/2012 11:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

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By fml9124 - 7/11/2019 20:00

Does she really love me?

Today, my wife and I watch the Chargers play the Packers. Philip Rivers is the Chargers quarterback. Out of the blue, my wife says "Philip is a stupid name." My middle name is Philip. We have been married 32 years. FML

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By Username - 23/3/2011 16:38 - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law informed me that since she is putting money into our wedding, that all the planning and arrangements are under her authority. FML

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By pinkrazorsare4men - 16/11/2016 00:51

Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML

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By ugh - 15/7/2013 11:46 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2013 10:14 - United States

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

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By IEatDammit - 30/1/2009 03:26 - Canada

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 16:41 - Canada

Today, for about the fifth time, my neighbors parked blocking my driveway. After parking across the street I stuck a note on their windshield reading “Nice park job asshole“, only to find out that their nephew just passed away and everyone was gathering to go to the viewing. FML

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By hereforfmls - 26/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Jasper

Played a blinder

Today, I felt something hit my eye as I was riding on my bike. My glasses ended up falling off. I looked for them for ten minutes before giving up. I ran over them. FML

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By crippy - 26/6/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are" and laughed hysterically. FML

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By footinmouth - 13/9/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

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By Toothy - 2/4/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

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By lafinesse - 14/5/2012 22:23

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

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By Oopsie - 27/5/2019 20:17

Today, I accidentally sent a screenshot of my Tinder conversation to my mom, instead of my friend. Yes, it was dirty. FML

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By Puggle1019 - 17/7/2018 20:30

Today, my brother gave me a massive rope burn. He got a 30-second talk with our mother. I got an allergic reaction to the lotion used to ease the pain. My mother said I was overreacting. FML

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By FastTurtle9 - 24/5/2016 20:10 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML

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By Mojo_Jojo - 13/6/2009 11:01 - China

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2010 07:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my job application for McDonald's was rejected. This is the second time. FML

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By IntimidatorStag - 6/2/2009 23:54 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2015 19:00 - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

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By Fenny - 27/2/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

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By nerderer - 5/6/2015 02:17 - United States - Duluth

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 21:34 - Netherlands - Tilburg

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

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By Rmglrsm - 23/6/2016 02:21

Today, at work, I was helping someone who really sounded like she had a Boston accent. So, I asked her where she was from. She has never been out of state. Turns out she has a speech impediment. FML

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By skrumpp - 20/3/2014 16:15

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

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By Markeesha - 15/7/2018 19:30 - United States - Eaton

What happens in Vegas doesn't stay there?

Today, I got a letter from the state that I'm being divorced. I've never been married. FML

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By ekaay - 16/1/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

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By fmal - 7/5/2009 03:47 - United States

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML

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By Falcon - 9/2/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML

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By cheeseless - 11/8/2016 20:47 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I sprained my wrist while trying to grate a block of frozen cheese. FML

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By can't sleep - 18/3/2014 08:36 - United States - Crown Point

Today, my mother taught my 98-year-old great-uncle to knock on the wall if he needs us. He can't remember who we are, but every hour he can remember to knock to ask, "Is it breakfast yet?" FML

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By dan - 13/8/2020 17:01

Unloved

Today, I found out that all of the times my mom told me that she was busy out of town wasn’t due to work, it was that she was going on vacations with her boyfriend and his kids. FML

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By cmondude - 18/9/2018 15:30

Today, I was finally cast in my high school play. As Violet. The gum chewer who turns into a blueberry. Does my instructor not know I'm a guy? FML

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By Aled - 17/2/2011 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

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By anonymous - 5/9/2014 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2020 02:02

Higher standards

Today, my mom fought with me again for missing an "important" 4th of July family barbecue. I was working until the morning, finishing grad school applications. There are always family events, and also apparently my brother missing the same barbecue to party with friends is perfectly fine. FML

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By nkotz - 14/1/2013 18:34 - United States

Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML

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By uncbballwins - 27/4/2011 04:21

Today, after shopping alone at a grocery store, I was taking my groceries back to my car when a kid grabbed one of my bags and ran. Deciding not to risk leaving the rest of my groceries stranded, I didn't chase him. Later, I realized that was the bag my credit card was in. FML

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By anon - 31/1/2016 21:38 - United States

Today, my parents have deliberately ruined my last 2 relationships, because they want me to get back together with my ex simply because he is my son's dad. Apparently, my son needs his father more than I need a man who won't beat me every time he gets drunk. FML

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Top comments

By saranottelling | 7

#785162 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:55

The website the OP sent her boss to had some nasty ads (Probably for porn websites or something similar.) The OP didn't know though because she has adblock (which meant she couldn't see the nasty ads)

By lisaaaar | 0

#785188 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:04

Ahaha. Adblock is one of the first things to go on when I help people with their internet.
Oh well. No harm done hopefully OP. Those ads switch out everywhere like crazy.

COMMENTS

By kdrox | 0

#785136 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:49

heh

Reply

MacOSXpert | 7

#785316 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 2:10

Let me guess, the suggestive ads were women showing their body parts along with the word 'Evony'

FREE FOREVAR!!!!!

Edit: Look! there's an Evony ad right above us! HAHAHA

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#785564 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 4:34

Play for free, my lord!

Plants vs Zombies made an anti Evony ad campaign. Go check it out, funny stuff.

Reply

martic835 | 2

#785838 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 8:50

LMFAO!!!!!

Reply

MacOSXpert | 7

#786077 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 11:40

KEK! Freeze, that was hilarious, thanks for telling me about that :]

Reply

YDIForSure | 0

#787032 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 21:59

Lmao, I hate those evony ads, too. I'm on a random page and it's there....then my parents walk in...

Reply

tangerine_12 | 0

#787190 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 23:29

yeah, i actually dont see what a woman in underwear has anything to do with that game.

Reply

Cjw1220 | 0

#1593828 - Sunday 24 October 2010 9:27

What's wrong with women in underwear?

Reply

Synapse_fml | 0

#2937229 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 13:07

well, nerds play games... most nerds = men... men

By SundayNight_fml | 0

#785137 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:49

first

By studentwoes | 2

#785149 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:53

that's unfortunate.

By wierdo16 | 0

#785150 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:53

lmfao

By Nic_hole | 0

#785152 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:53

people will think I'm stupid for this but I'm not sure I get it?? please explain :/

Reply

saranottelling | 7

#785162 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:55

The website the OP sent her boss to had some nasty ads (Probably for porn websites or something similar.) The OP didn't know though because she has adblock (which meant she couldn't see the nasty ads)

Reply

SarahSehhati | 40

#6110919 - Thursday 6 November 2014 7:06

Thank you. I didn't get it either. So don't feel dumb #5 :)

By Grey123 | 0

#785156 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:54

fail... why the hell do people always brag about being first? nobody cares.

Reply

youngbutwise15 | 5

#785196 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:05

#6 is right, first people are more annoying than trolls.

And to the OP, I can't really choose YDI or FYL on this one, I dunno why. What was the question?

Reply

amy397123 | 0

#785788 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 7:45

The first people are trolls, silly.

Reply

Crasken | 0

#786541 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:44

not most of the time, they aren't...

By Nic_hole | 0

#785170 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:59

ohh okay haha danggg

By danny_94 | 0

#785178 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:01

today, while trying to be romantic, i attempted to kiss her...missed, dropped her glasses, we both bent over to pick em up., i stepped on them... >.>

By VanessaVander | 2

#785183 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:02

ooo ouch! fyl, but lol

By lisaaaar | 0

#785188 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:04

Ahaha. Adblock is one of the first things to go on when I help people with their internet.
Oh well. No harm done hopefully OP. Those ads switch out everywhere like crazy.