Miscellaneous: Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

Lobbied

Can they do that?

By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 20:00

Let me in!

Today, I was turned away from a private event by security for being a girl. My name is Max; the name on the guest list was Max, but the security meathead insisted Max can only be a man's name and threw me out of the building. I was the event's key lecturer, and without me the event was cancelled. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2020 07:58 - United States - Greensburg

Stuck on amber

Today, my wife and mother of my kids said she doesn't want sex. Or a divorce. FML

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1128

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By WellFineThen - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, at work, a woman screamed at me and called me a bitch because I refused to refund something we give away for free. FML

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4901

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By WeezysBaby - Canada

Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend announced he has stopped wearing deodorant because he thinks his BO smells "manly." FML

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33012

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3296

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By pleasebackintomycaragain - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

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50113

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By stutterboy - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I was giving a presentation to my college class. I've had a natural stutter my whole life, so I stuttered through the whole thing. My professor tried to hold in her laughter for 15 minutes. FML

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By ? - United States - El Cajon

Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML

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By ahhhboys - Romania

Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML

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36474

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By Handblocked

Today, I got a new vibrator, raced all the way home, tore my pants off, took it out of the box, and then my grandmother walked in my front door. Apparently she's spending the night so she can make it to a doctor appointment in the morning. FML

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3257

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By Actrent

Today, the first gift I opened was from my uncle. It was $80 in clothes that I'd bought for myself a week earlier. FML

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8144

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By Ashley - United States - Bellerose

Today, I spent my entire paycheck on a new summer wardrobe. I then left my shopping bags on the train. FML

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17287

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By fml - Canada

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML

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27729

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By vagina dentata for christmas, pls - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

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35663

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By Anonymous - United States - Grandville

Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 05:02

Alexa, play "Glad to be Unhappy" by The Mamas & The Papas

Today, my ex told me he never wanted to talk to me again, because of how annoying I am. I’m still madly in love with him. FML

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By lonelyguy321 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

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40142

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By KWM - United States

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

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15103

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By motorboatofdoom

Nice way to go, really

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML

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2030

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By Stairway2Heaven - Canada

Judgmental much!?

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML

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By thehunterofprey

Today, I came out to my parents as gay and they reacted better than I expected. Then I found my car destroyed with a note that said "fag" on what used to be my hood. I never thought I'd have to sue my own family, but I'm lucky I have security footage. FML

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5562

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By Anonymous - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

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34996

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By peteswentzbass - Netherlands - Nuenen

Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

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By tirf

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sanford

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid witnessing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

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79118

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By breebree-0 - United States

What's that?

Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn't see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML

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26046

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By ShamedJP - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML

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30196

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By Joel

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

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2855

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By Anonymous - Germany - Wuppertal

Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML

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1516

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By (._. ) - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

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61656

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By Anonymous - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML

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25414

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By bitchasaurusrex - Canada

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

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35361

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By Frostbitten - United States - Freeport

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

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49098

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By Anonymous - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML

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37206

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

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38719

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By SickandTired - Australia

Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML

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41653

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By Anonymous - United States - Greeley

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Congleton

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house at 9am to surprise him on our 1 year anniversary. In the process, I gatecrashed another celebration he was having with his second girlfriend. FML

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63749

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By fmlman - United States - Rawlins

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

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Top comments

By perstephane | 4

#702914 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:22

Wow, walking to class by herself. How horrible. I mean, it couldn't at all be that her friends have a different class and that she meets up with them after. And it couldn't be that the people she's friends with in her class are coming from the opposite direction so it wouldn't be practical. Obviously she just has no friends at all. I mean, it's the only conclusion.

By jonnymohio | 2

#702936 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:37

I think you're weird for thinking people need to walk to class in groups.

COMMENTS

By ISellHerbs | 0

#702881 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:12

cool story bro

EmoKidsFail | 0

#702905 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:24

this.

The_Pleb | 0

#702994 - Friday 4 December 2009 0:08

Well the fyl comes in once we found out what your eating...

Mc donalds = LOSEE + 100

Toad in the fucking hole = LOSE + 50

Salad = LOSE + 200

Sammich = WIN+ 500

Tinned bread = Just go to bed...

Thankyou

I_Dont_Feel_Bad | 0

#703485 - Friday 4 December 2009 4:27

Yea that is really stupid. I have friends, but sometimes i'm just tired and I don't even feel like talking to anybody... Oh wait... You gotta be with someone 24/7 to look cool right? Sorry forgot...

dudeitsdanny | 9

#703561 - Friday 4 December 2009 5:13

You know..
I thought The_pleb's post was actually a pretty good, valid one this time..

Is it just tradition to "thumbs-down" him and I should just shut up and do it?

Reyo | 2

#703886 - Friday 4 December 2009 9:50

Anyone else reminded of the "I wore a ring to make myself seem cooler" FML?
When did the collective mentality become "have a million friends or forever become an outcast"?

ColdGold | 6

#704598 - Friday 4 December 2009 19:48

crazytoaster | 2

#706672 - Sunday 6 December 2009 3:49

I feel sorry for people who believe happiness comes from doing what everyone else does. Why can't everyone be awesome like me?

iEatGuppies | 0

#2754833 - Saturday 25 June 2011 8:21

karma's a fucking bitch?
ydi

aeshleyrose | 6

#2980655 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 17:32

That is such a dumbass high school thought. I remember back then feeling like I always had to have someone with me no matter what I was doing. Now I could give a fuck less, and I also wouldn't think someone else was weird just for walking somewhere alone. Jesus. Get a life OP.

epicewinandfail | 3

#5207616 - Sunday 2 December 2012 20:33

Tell it again

By FMLAddict1313 | 0

#702886 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:13

YDI for being a jerk

Mforce | 8

#3711654 - Saturday 10 December 2011 16:44

Not as in she's a weird person but as in that's a weird decision. Douche.

By Person1233 | 12

#702887 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:14

cool story bro.

By Person1233 | 12

#702891 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:16

Cool story bro.

By MzRodriquez95 | 0

#702895 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:20

Then stupid, get out of your car and make friends w/her and eat lunch together
BAMM!!.
Problem solved
=P

By Attrox | 0

#702902 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:22

So you were in your car... eating your lunch... observing a girl...

And you're a man...

...D:

By MzRodriquez95 | 0

#702906 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:20

Then stupid, get out of your car and make friends w/her and eat lunch together
BAMM!!.
Problem solved
=P

By perstephane | 4

#702914 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:22

Starfire22 | 5

#702992 - Friday 4 December 2009 0:07

Good solution! The,op, you might be doing something more then just eating in your car...

MzRodriquez95 | 0

#710524 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:58

lmaO

brittanyg93 | 0

#2223120 - Tuesday 22 March 2011 15:40

alright bro! exactly what we're all thinking!

By sugarcoated | 1

#702933 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:32

You seriously couldn't think of any reason other than 'she must not have friends' as to why she is walking to class alone? =/

I think it's clear why you were alone in your car at least.

TheLoneWolf87 | 4

#703074 - Friday 4 December 2009 0:59

Why thank you, mercy ;D

Mustardnight | 3

#703836 - Friday 4 December 2009 8:58

Win!

By jonnymohio | 2

#702936 - Thursday 3 December 2009 23:37

I think you're weird for thinking people need to walk to class in groups.