Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
Today, while babysitting a six year-old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his undies and pointed at his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML
Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, my phone’s flashlight turned on in my pocket while I was at the movie theater. I didn’t notice until the stranger next to me whispered, “Hey, your dick is glowing.” FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
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Top comments
powelale0000 19
He probably thinks you're a dick now.
wopchop12 8
Why was his dick hanging out?
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Comments (142)
marigoldcobain 21
this made me laugh really hard, I'm so sorry. Two ways how this could've ended: 1: "OHMYGODIMSOSORRYNOHOMOMANOHMYGOD" *awkwardness haunts you for centuries* 2: "oh is it now ;)" Number one is likely what happened. If number two did, it wouldn't really be an FML, would it?
paddymac 13
why on earth would you poke it?
Tytonic 16
Why was it over at his pocket? That's got to be uncomfortable.
Richtofen115 16
You must be the most clueless mother ******, but not necessarily in a bad way.