Intimacy: Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth.... - FML

By what - 25/09/2013 14:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 805

You deserved it 8 799

Walk the line

Batman

Admit you're shit

By allison_fishing - 25/10/2012 04:37 - United States

Today, I woke up with pink eye. My mom tried to help by putting drops in. It started burning like hell; she didn't understand why. It turns out she was putting ear drops in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 211

You deserved it 1 825

By FrickingBusDrivers - 22/05/2015 01:55 - United States - Farmington

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 814

You deserved it 2 273

Family issues

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 09:01 - Canada - Niagara-on-the-lake

Today, I found out from my ex-stepmother that my dad and lied about having cancer to cover up the fact that he was losing weight from doing drugs again. He lied about it for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 63

By Whytetrash - 20/06/2013 06:32 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a customer broke my nose for refusing to give him a discount because the product he was buying had a fine layer of dust on the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 006

You deserved it 3 212

By Caqtusmonkey - 25/08/2016 15:28 - United States - Arlington

Today, I heard my dog chewing on something. I called her over, held out my hand, and told her to drop it. She dropped it into my hand, and I was proud of her. That was until I realized it was cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 731

You deserved it 1 784

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 06:13 - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 294

You deserved it 17 276

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 20:35 - Netherlands

Today, I told my boyfriend I wouldn't be able to get any time off work to go to Mexico with him, and that we'd have to get our tickets refunded, and reschedule. He said not to bother, and that he already had someone else in mind to take with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 616

You deserved it 5 539

That's rank

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 06:01 - Germany - Emden

Today, I took a piece of toilet paper to blow my nose and had a surprise: someone in our house seems to not have understood how TP works. In this case, the principle that it shouldn't stay on the roll once there is poo on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 83

By Anonymous - 11/07/2019 00:03

Spicy

Today, the guy who sexually assaulted me when I was a child is over to have coffee with my mother. She says that it's OK, because God wouldn't want her to turn away someone who has no family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 979

You deserved it 118

By bubbashrek - 28/08/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, I realized my soon to be ex wife is stalking me online. Everytime I block her she creates a new profile. She left me 9 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 579

You deserved it 2 974

By needofmoney - 18/02/2011 02:16 - United States

Today, I finally told my dad that he owes me over 400 dollars, and that I need it or else I'd get kicked out of my apartment. He only gave me 70 and said to get a better job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 582

You deserved it 5 066

By APRRECIATION - 24/05/2009 06:46 - Canada

Today, I got back from a service trip to Kenya, where I had no running water or electricity. I encouraged my friends to go green and help raise awareness by conserving as much electricity as possible. I return home to find that all my lights have been on for 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 422

You deserved it 63 952

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 21:46 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 792

You deserved it 43 125

DST FML

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 08:00

Today, my partner and I spent the last 3 days transitioning our 19 month-olds bedtime by 15 minutes each day for daylight savings, only to find out we've been going the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 1 129

Exterminator

By being cheap is expensive! - 25/11/2021 05:01

Today, my wife’s unending cheapness and need for a “deal” has bitten us in the ass. Literally. She accepted a bag of clothes from a coworker and yup, you guessed it, it was infested with fucking bedbugs. Now our whole house has them, and all she said was, “At least the clothes can be washed.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 105

By Idigrespectfulattire - 18/03/2015 00:18 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 332

You deserved it 4 984

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 15:00

Today, after 11 years together, including 8 years of engagement and 3.5 months of marriage, I found out he had sex with his ex-girlfriend on my birthday. He's now leaving me and our kids to be with her because she's his "soul mate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 401

You deserved it 424

Take what you can get

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 00:30 - Netherlands

Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 126

By Megan - 23/02/2009 16:47 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 752

You deserved it 5 453

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 975

You deserved it 29 115

By Anonymous - 23/03/2011 11:50 - United States

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 977

You deserved it 5 059

By academicloser - 22/02/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, in an attempt to get some guidance from my college advisor, I emailed her, saying I was contemplating going to another school because I felt so helpless about my GPA, and was sure I wouldn't get my major. I asked for advice on raising it. She gave me instructions on how to drop out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 309

You deserved it 7 381

By cthulhu help me - 01/03/2013 18:22 - United States - Cabot

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 561

You deserved it 2 805

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 04:32 - United States

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 994

You deserved it 2 139

By walllflower - 08/02/2015 19:46 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 956

You deserved it 4 355

By Dude - 19/08/2009 10:32 - United States

Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 590

You deserved it 4 993

By Unappreciated Grandchild - 06/11/2012 07:59 - United States - Bel Air

Today, I looked over to see my grandfather looking thoughtfully at me. Feeling flattered because he rarely shows affection, I waved at him. He then said, "I was looking out the window" and continued to stare past my head out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 814

You deserved it 2 117

By Anonymous - 04/07/2013 16:27 - Germany - K?ln

Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 959

You deserved it 4 886

By seethroughpee - 06/05/2015 05:22 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 208

You deserved it 3 961

Nice to know

By justin bieber's nutsack - 06/06/2015 07:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 179

You deserved it 2 778

By clo_bo - 30/08/2019 20:00

Today, I saw a message on my boyfriend's phone from one of his friends, saying I was a downgrade from his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 179

By sophie - 13/04/2011 16:36 - United States

Today, my teacher told me I wasn't pretty enough to play the princess part in the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 719

You deserved it 5 747

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 11:14 - Netherlands

Today, I was jogging, and I saw a little boy walking. Crying and all alone. Thinking that he was probably lost, I asked to him with my sweetest voice: 'Hi there, did you lose somebody?' He screamed terrified and ran away. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 591

You deserved it 5 769

By cloudish - 21/05/2017 12:00 - Germany

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my best friend that I like him more than just as a friend. I was about to tell him when he excitedly told me that he met the love of his life yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 995

You deserved it 594

By Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 347

You deserved it 4 518

By ginkobiloba - 29/11/2016 11:01

Today, a door-to-door salesman came to my apartment. I was too lazy to change from my teddy bear print pajamas, fuzzy socks and pink slippers when opening the door to him. He took one look at me and asked, "Hello darling, are your mommy and daddy home?" I'm 22 and live here on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 171

You deserved it 1 771

Ran out

By Never going jogging again - 10/02/2021 10:59

Today, I went on a jogging date with a guy I'd been on a couple of dates with. I was a little worried that I wouldn't keep up, but I did and everything was fine. Or at least I thought so. After we'd finished, he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 70

By anonymous - 22/01/2016 01:55 - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 901

You deserved it 1 592

Casual racism

By seeking new employment - 07/01/2016 01:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my coworkers never invite me anywhere. Apparently, I "made a face" when one of them used the N-word, and it makes them uncomfortable to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 751

You deserved it 2 098

By sleeper - 02/03/2010 05:05 - France

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 244

You deserved it 6 051

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:09

What kind of question is that? We're you asking if he likes personal growth? If he believes in it? Agrees with it? You ask a stupid question, you get a smartass answer.

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:06

Best first comment I have seen in a while. Original too. Sarcasm

Comments

Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:06

Best first comment I have seen in a while. Original too. Sarcasm

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:07

Please, if every man got dumped for being an idiot there wouldn't be any couples left.

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:08

Great use of sarcasm

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 20:43

this comment is about as popular as "shitty situation". it needs to die. stop bringing it back!

Zestus 19

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 20:59

stand and deliver, imposter

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Sunday 18 January 2015 21:12

Same thing for women

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:01

What else were you expecting?

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 21:20

Agreed. I found this FML not so FML-like actually. It was more just hilarious. Guys are immature, since when is this news? (I'm not saying girls arent - obviously because I laughed. And I'm not saying guys are immature all the time, just a lot of the time)

sammyjanette 17

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:04

I think that answer pretty much tells you what he thinks very little of personal growth.

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:04

Don't expect him to be stepping off the short bus anytime soon...

perdix 29

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:09

I hope his is bigger than yours.

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:09

What kind of question is that? We're you asking if he likes personal growth? If he believes in it? Agrees with it? You ask a stupid question, you get a smartass answer.

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:36

its actually a deep question.

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:40

It could either be deep or superficial really. Maybe she meant tubbiness or muscle definition. Or she meant growing emotionally as an adult. It can go both ways depending on what you want to hear. She should have clarified more of what she was going after, that questions a black hole full of different variations of answers.

Cleu 12

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Thursday 26 September 2013 0:42

I think from the way she phrased it she was asking his views on the matter. She clearly has figured out his level of personal growth since middle school though.

notsofriendly 17

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Thursday 26 September 2013 14:55

How is that a stupid question, though? If you ask for someone's views, you're prompting them to share their perspective on a certain topic without forcing a specific line of thought. The way one chooses to answer can be just as informative - if not more so - than the content of the answer itself...

kittykat1501 31

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Saturday 18 July 2015 18:34

What?!?!?!

Warmonger_Smurf 29

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

pikachulove14 14

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 23:30

Hahahahaha.... idgi...

pikachulove14 14

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Thursday 26 September 2013 0:25

as in there penis.he automatically was thinking about his penis.

Neyuu 18

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Thursday 26 September 2013 22:38

Thanks for clarifying, I never would have guessed.

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Saturday 28 September 2013 12:09

Why all the down votes?

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Monday 30 September 2013 4:14

As a male, I can say that it wasn't very kind to comment that. Don't act as if females don't act like complete idiots too. Everyone makes stupid mistakes, no need to discriminate a whole gender.

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:15

I wouldn't have gotten the question as well. I thought you maybe meant hair down there or something. You shouldn't be so dramatic ^^

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Wednesday 25 September 2013 19:18

YDI for asking such a meaningless question.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 9

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 1 011

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 1 160