Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 23
That is just awesome. Don't tell people before they stay over, trust me, it'll be great.
wootwootimahoot 10
The sitter should have taught it to say "Help! I'm trapped in a parrot's body!"
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Comments (99)
xXNerrrdXx 16
that is awesome ! xD not even an fml lol
M3DIC4T3 29
Can't you train it to say something else? Put a radio next to the cage with Ryan Seacrest's station on.
Snowkeys 11
The parrot would be un sellable.
miraclewhip94 16
haha that's awesome, creepy but awesome lol
Kashaqueetrah 12
Don't tell anyone who stays the night and tape the reactions.
Enslaved 36
Cool! Now teach him to sing Guns N' Roses'-- "Welcome to the Jungle" and he can add "You know where you are? You're down in the jungle baby, "You're going to DIEEEEEEE"
perdix 29
Make him buy that parrot from you so you can buy a new one. Before you give the ruined one to him, teach him to say "You're fired" in that creepy Donald Trump voice.
horneyhic 15
I would've done that to my own parot that's awesome
horneyhic 15
Also awesome would've been "I can smell your ****" and "here's Johnny"
horneyhic 15
All these ppl thumbing me down have obvs never seen Silence of the Lambs or The Shining
kozzard 17
or just thought the joke was bad
Frenchtony 17
It should have been trained to say "It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan" I'm pretty sure it sounds like Bane when a parrot says it.
olpally 32
Muahahahahaha! That's quite funny. Lol. Evil parrot is gonna kill ya. Watch out op!
BlueMoonCafe 12
I'm not sure if you should be concerned about their behavior or in admiration of their dedication; it takes a lot of time to train a bird.