If it had to happen at least you were able to take a paid vacation first

What's up with all the downvotes?

What about this FML made you think to recommend masturbation? It doesn't solve every problem, ya know.

Well, he might have fun trying, I guess. I'm having fun being a thread jack off

He is a she.

It doesnt GentlemanBastard?

How would his roommate know? And where does it say he has a roommate?

Holy assumptions, batman!

I read this as op's apartment had been downsized, thought that didn't make sense, read again, maybe #6 made my mistake and didn't read it again

That would be quite a surprise. You return from a vacation and your two-bedroom place has magically turned into a studio. Makes me think about Black Books...

Assumptions, assumptions. Tsk, tsk.

Thank you for stating that, I thought so too, until I read your comment.

op never said he went somewhere with sun, so he was able to get a tan. lots of people go on vacation to cold places

It's sad if you're that insecure to value yourself for your "hot sexy bitchin' tan." the person interviewing you for a job sure as hell doesn't care. "oh, her tan is bitchin' let's hire her."

26, you're making quite a few assumptions about 11, and how she views her self-worth.

its her specialty

37, I've realized that. Almost every comment I've seen from her is demeaning towards the person she's addressing.

Judging by the fact that they posted this here, I'm going to assume that they weren't that lucky...

but their name is happy employee so I'm confused too

I don't know for sure, of course, but I think OP's name is sarcasm.