Love: Today, due to awkward circumstances, I am living with my ex-girlfriend...

By Junkiegamer - United States - Huntsville

Today, due to awkward circumstances, I am living with my ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend. FML

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Junkiegamer tells us more :

Hey it Op, for one I am a male. The break-up wasn't fun, but it wasn't horrible. We lived together before hand because we go to college together and I offered to let her new girlfriend stay here, because she had nowhere else to go. I'm not sure what the word is but my ex loves people for who they are, gender doesn't really to her

Love

Triage

Last dates

Phone call anxiety

By ouchies - United States

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

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By ouch - Canada

Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML

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By LilyL - United States

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend decided to fart in our bathtub to see if it would echo. It wasn’t a fart. FML

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4377

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By rydawg79 - United States

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

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By love you too honey boo

Dirty room

Today, I sent a scantily clad pic to my boyfriend, to which he responded "Nice, but please clean your room". FML

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906

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By initforthewrongreasons

Today, I texted my exes, not because I missed them, but because I wanted to know how their pets were doing. This holds true for at least 4 relationships. FML

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By Anonymous - China

Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML

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By Sudoc

Working too hard!

Today, after spending 6 hours straight working on a project at school, I decided to call it a night. The instant I set foot out of the lab, the building started screaming. The maintenance guy had set the alarm without telling me. The police had to let me out. FML

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By Jumanji - France

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

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By Tori - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. Within seconds of getting my drink, I spilled it all over the table and my scarf. When the waiter was helping clean up the spill, he knocked over my boyfriend's drink. All over my pants. FML

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By justmylife - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years called my house even though I was with him at the time. He needed to talk to my mom. He asked her to break up with me for him. FML

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33625

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Ottersum

Today, I got a heads-up that my boss suffered a death in the family, but was coming into work anyway. I thought he'd be depressed, but it seems he deals with grief with anger instead. I found that out when he yelled at me, threatening to rip my spine out my ass over a typo I made in a report. FML

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19797

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By Clementine - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

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By misc - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I was struggling to move a large bookshelf downstairs. Mid-way down, the weight became too much for me and I desperately yelled to my dad for help. He stood at the top of the stairs and said, "Cash or broken bones. How much's it worth, son?" I'm now £50 poorer. FML

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42965

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By rochellamaya - Canada

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

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37156

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By TheNewCashierInTown - Canada - Gatineau

Today, it was my second day working as a cashier in a drug store. I thought everything went great, but by the end of my shift, my cash register was $10 short. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if on my first day it hadn't been $30 short. FML

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By LindseyS - United States

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sanford

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

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By Youknowwho - Australia

Today, I was in a toilet cubicle, when I overheard two of my friends at the sink talking about how ugly and skinny I was. FML

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By Fatty - United States

Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML

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By kalisa anteater - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I had to explain to my mother that a lace mini-dress with an obscene amount of cleavage was not appropriate to wear while meeting my boyfriend's parents. She called me an "annoying prude" and said that with my attitude, I don't deserve to have a man. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

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By MetalisLife

Today, I thought I died in the shower. I was very intensely playing air guitar while simultaneously headbanging. I punched myself in the dick. FML

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By Kayla - United States - Mesa

Today, I freaked out because of the smell of rotting eggs lingering in my apartment. I soon discovered it was my boyfriend's feet. FML

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26675

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By wildthing - United States

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

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By dafuqdidisee - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

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43777

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By AreYouSerious

Today, after working 85 hours in a single week, I finally got my paycheck. $500. Apparently I got a pay cut without anyone telling me. FML

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3032

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By PinkTornado - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he says ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me'' FML

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By pinky - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

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By Shiva - France - Niort

Today, I decided to clean my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

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By farrahfarrest_ - United States

Today, I went to the doctor. I told her I felt down all the time. She asked me a few questions and she told me I was depressed. She suggested to go home and find the sources of my depression. When I told my parents, they started laughing and said "Yeah, right." I think I found my source. FML

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By kasai_x0x - Canada

Today, I found out what cat food tastes like mixed with mayo, hot sauce, and between two perfectly toasted pieces of rye bread. My cat found out what tuna tastes like instead of her normal food. FML

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13449

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By Anonymous - Romania - Buzau

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46437

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By Lexy

Today, I saw my boyfriend coming up the walkway to our home. When I opened the door to greet him with a huge smile on my face, he scowled at me and angrily said, "I don't know why you have to do that!" Smile gone. FML

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By MyLegsHurt - United States - San Francisco

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

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By Shooter71 - France

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

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By PerpetuallyHappy - United States - Rochester

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me over for an "important chat". This chat consisted of him not only insisting that we have sex whenever he feels like it, but demanding that I take birth control pills, because making him wear a condom is "sexist and degrading". FML

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Top comments

By nikkipettyfer | 24

#6275459 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:37

I'd like to hear this story

By anonamous14 | 9

#6275467 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:38

Lesbehonest that sucks

COMMENTS

By Hammer1722 | 19

#6275454 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:36

Well. Fuck.

kibster9 | 20

#6275483 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:41

Nope, that's not happening.

dcam13 | 19

#6275515 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:57

ooh that sounds painful/awkward. sorry op.

Hammer1722 | 19

#6275526 - Monday 27 April 2015 23:02

I sincerely hope for OP's sake that his ex has always been bi, otherwise it's pretty spiteful

Ritokage | 3

#6275544 - Monday 27 April 2015 23:26

#30
Nothing saying that op couldn't be a girl too you know.

TheBelt | 19

#6275558 - Monday 27 April 2015 23:33

This may be the start to a new porno.

Hammer1722 | 19

#6275618 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 0:46

Very true, didn't think of it like that #37. Let's hope OP does a follow up

eski2015 | 22

#6275751 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 4:25

The plus 69 too lol

By tepovre | 18

#6275458 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:37

It's not that bad! Ever watch Friends?;)

hsbzjsnsos | 12

#6275464 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:38

Yeah and that turned out well for Ross

gte225 | 11

#6275520 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:58

"We were on a break!"

tepovre | 18

#6275540 - Monday 27 April 2015 23:21

#6

He ended up getting Rachel didn't he?(:

zombiekiller52 | 24

#6275753 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 4:28

They were on a break!!!

XxboxXbeatsX | 4

#6275824 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 6:19

Joey doesent share food lol

sonshadsil94 | 15

#6275960 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 14:07

And that's why, no matter what mommy says, we WERE on a break.

hmrhoades | 18

#6276124 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 18:24

How YOU doing?

By nikkipettyfer | 24

#6275459 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:37

I'd like to hear this story

MrSassypants | 32

#6275495 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:45

It was a court order. This FML just smells of sitcom.

jaredofmo | 22

#6275663 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 1:46

I was about to say the same thing. Whether it's three girls or two girls and one dude, it's comedy waiting to happen!

jadenjacksonm | 14

#6275714 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 3:10

agree #3 I'd also like to know

Isandri | 29

#6275936 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 12:40

i'm actually in similar situation right now. I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago after i told him i'm a lesbian and we still have contract for our current flat. So currently I'm living with my ex-bf, my new gf is quite often over for a night.. It's somewhat ok if you split up on good terms, as i and my ex-bf did.

Sangue0608 | 26

#6523759 - Saturday 30 January 2016 4:49

@92 *my ex-bf and I

By devildog562 | 33

#6275461 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:37

Dear pent house you are never going to believe..... Insert your story

By sam882 | 28

#6275462 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:37

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

sharpie2434 | 12

#6275469 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:38

Third person should always be a stranger

Zebediabolical | 37

#6275508 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:52

The new girlfriend just might be a stranger to OP.

smackaroonial | 20

#6275513 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:55

If he does, he gets the champion's belt!

PePziNL | 20

#6275692 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 2:32

All guys who mention a threeway are getting thumbed down, but when a girl says it it's a genious idea. Way to go FML community.

teentee401 | 36

#6275737 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 3:46

If they're lesbians, I doubt they'd be interested

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6275777 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 4:56

You can see it perfectly between this comment and #8's.

ElmoSaysSquishy | 28

#6275926 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 12:10

Sorry to have to break this to you 64 but lesbians have threesomes too.

baegirl33 | 7

#6276020 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 15:45

He meant, interested in op since op might be a boy.....

smackaroonial | 20

#6277025 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 15:16

For those of you thumbing me down, I was referring to the TV show, "How I Met Your Mother." Barney Stinson has a wrestling/boxing style champion belt for the first person to have a three way.

By CallMeWindSock | 24

#6275465 - Monday 27 April 2015 22:38

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

limabeans101029 | 20

#6275565 - Monday 27 April 2015 23:36

How do you know one of them is bi? OP could be a woman meaning that the ex-girlfriend could be a lesbian

ThatOneChick856 | 36

#6275832 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 6:47

Although I disagree with "make the best of it if she's bi", the ex-girlfriend could still be bi even if she has a girlfriend and her ex (OP) is a girl.