Loose connections

Today, the pizza delivery guy and I know more about each other than me and my family ever have. FML

Thanks!

Today, I opened the door to a pizza delivery guy. I hadn't order any, but I thought maybe my roommate had. As he handed me the box, I said, "Thanks, you too" when he told me to enjoy my meal. He stopped, looked confused, and said, "Wait, what?" before leaving. I then realized my roommate was out of town and I’d just taken someone else’s pizza. FML

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

Asshole Design

Today, I bought a slice of pizza at my favorite gas station. Upon opening the box, I found that the lone piece of pepperoni visible through the window on the box was in fact the only piece on the whole slice. FML

Pizza > Love

Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML

Today, the pizza delivery guy saw me in my underwear. My boyfriend is so ashamed of me that he pointed out to the guy twice that we were just roommates. FML

Surprise!

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML

Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess. The first thing my son said was, "Did you bring pizza?" FML

Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML

Relatable

Today, I ordered pizza for myself. When the delivery guy arrived, I opened the door in pajama pants, messy hair and a face mask. He smiled and said, “Oh, this order says ‘Family Combo Meal.’ Where’s everyone else?” I just said, “They’re busy.” They weren’t. FML