Miscellaneous: Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 101

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 40

31/01/2013 12:26

Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 513

You deserved it 11 421

Miscellaneous

Age difference

Family heirloom

Best birthday ever!

Brotherly love

By Sad guy - 08/01/2021 20:01

Today, I felt so lonely that I was almost jealous of the way Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon playfully express affection for each other on CNN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 202

02/03/2011 21:26

Today, I was out skating with a guy I really like. I put on my best moves, to impress him. I ended up slicing his lip open with my skate mid-jump. His lip is now wired shut by twelve stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 867

You deserved it 36 315

08/08/2014 21:05

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 722

You deserved it 8 622

Make the day about me!

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 06:02

Today, at my wedding, my grandmother special requested a wheelchair, even though she doesn’t and never has needed any kind of assistance walking or standing at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 169

02/05/2009 04:55

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 092

You deserved it 9 857

30/08/2011 14:12

Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 615

You deserved it 8 512

27/04/2009 04:08

Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 119

You deserved it 4 251

19/08/2010 23:11

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, he asked which girl I'd found out about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 520

You deserved it 3 637

04/06/2013 07:11

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 257

You deserved it 6 132

08/05/2019 14:00

Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophic report card. When I asked him for explanations, he replied, "I'm hesitating between family environment and heredity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 298

I'm looking through you

By lesler - 20/07/2021 06:01

Today, my bartender noticed my new haircut before my live-in boyfriend did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 171

23/02/2010 11:52

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 044

You deserved it 3 209

15/08/2013 16:49

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 134

You deserved it 13 304

15/11/2014 02:18

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 874

You deserved it 3 008

28/01/2016 11:42

Today, it was an extremely hot day so I hit up the beach for a swim. Just as I entered the water, the first wave approached me. I tried to jump it and lost my footing, managing to dislocate my hip. I had to be dragged from the water by the lifeguards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 351

You deserved it 2 295

16/10/2010 09:57

Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 548

You deserved it 27 278

17/10/2013 05:06

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 571

You deserved it 4 277

19/07/2017 05:00

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as 'dad' to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 590

You deserved it 318

20/04/2013 23:40

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 004

You deserved it 7 544

27/09/2009 04:10

Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 418

You deserved it 3 965

Get Back

By FriendsSuck - 06/07/2009 04:05

Today, I was leaving a cafe with some of my friends. I had to sit in the back of the car by myself. I opened the door when I saw an old woman needing help getting to her car because it was raining. I shut the door and went to help. My friends thought I had gotten in. I was left in the rain with no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 906

You deserved it 5 339

15/02/2009 06:21

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 651

You deserved it 4 959

16/09/2009 19:58

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 634

You deserved it 5 174

18/01/2009 01:38

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 641

You deserved it 7 468

18/05/2019 06:10

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because I added an old high school friend on Facebook. She claims this person is getting in the middle of our relationship. I haven't talked to him in years, and he lives across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 147

Poor little guy

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 14:01

Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 129

Good morals, you say?

By ELinDawk - 31/08/2021 01:01

Today, I think I found the person I feel is my soulmate while I was in Montana this past weekend. My friend’s wife’s best friend. She was perfect, same sense of humor, same sarcasm, good morals, and absolutely gorgeous. I was struck. And then I received a text message from my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 2 268

27/02/2010 01:52

Today, I gave a technical presentation to a group of male colleagues. I was surprised by how attentive they were until I went to the washroom and realized that they could see every detail of my nipples through my new shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 195

You deserved it 16 188

Two-way street

By misspukesalot - 14/07/2020 14:02

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I have come to accept the morning sickness isn’t going to ease off. It’s so severe that I don’t make my meal choices based on calories or even cravings, rather on how bad it’ll taste when it comes back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 124

03/08/2015 14:14

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 717

You deserved it 11 291

Bigger cages! Longer chains!

By naas1201 - 28/11/2020 05:02

Today, I'm working in China and I had to explain to my boss that no, it's not okay to not pay me for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 67

14/12/2009 03:53

Today, I went to the doctor to check the dark growth I just discovered on my back. It was chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 184

You deserved it 44 179

13/05/2014 13:58

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 662

You deserved it 4 868

27/01/2016 19:43

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 694

You deserved it 1 453

12/06/2013 14:56

Today, I ran the mile in gym class. I was the second to last person to finish, and I was left panting and feeling faint. When the teacher found out I hadn't come in dead last, he accused me of skipping a lap and is now making me rerun the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 001

You deserved it 6 183

18/12/2011 08:32

Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 698

You deserved it 2 758

31/05/2013 04:20

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 373

You deserved it 5 040

Caught in 4K

By Shiet - 28/09/2021 17:42

Today, I found out that people are notified when you list them on Twitter. I've been listing people as "Interesting" and "Stupid". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 960

You deserved it 22 531

Strange kind of porn

By Jeanine - 13/05/2021 20:01

Today, I had to admit to myself that recently my biggest kink was watching Sam Seder debate libertarians. My oh my, watching him dunk on them on YouTube gets me hot and bothered. This feels wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 697

18/07/2009 20:19

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 279

You deserved it 3 350

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Top comments

Kiwi2K17 7

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Thursday 25 May 2017 23:38

Well, do they?

StarkWolf_fml 23

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Saturday 24 February 2018 21:19

wise man once said "patience is divine, but never pay full price for a late pizza"

Comments

Kiwi2K17 7

Send a private message

Thursday 25 May 2017 23:38

Well, do they?

StarkWolf_fml 23

Send a private message

Saturday 24 February 2018 21:19

wise man once said "patience is divine, but never pay full price for a late pizza"