Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized that I've been intentionally causing arguments with my husband because the spare bed is more comfortable. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, my husband and I have officially become that couple that has to schedule sex. Between his working, my going back to school, raising kids, doing housework and homework, we just haven’t had time. Last night we tried to be spontaneous and get it on. We both fell asleep. FML
Today, I realised it’s been too long since my partner and I have had sex. How do I know? This is the third night in a row he’s humped me in his sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML
Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husband's rather rattling snoring, I finally managed to drop off… only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML
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Top comments
krushr 3
Just keep scooting until your genitals get stuck together.
shireeniee 8
And then wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah!
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Comments (154)
Enslaved 38
He's waiting for you to make the first move.
Xcherrypie 16
Wait, if you don't have sex with him what do use as bribery?
hopeforkitty 0
Lol.
diesel1226 0
Not all women are such ****** withholding twats as what you seem to be, 18.
silentbutfunny 0
Butter on some steamy flapjacks
Xcherrypie 16
Uh-oh, someone didn't find my 'joke' funny. I am such a twat.
OhHushDear 11
I don't know why, 34, but the last sentence of your comment made me laugh so hard xD
eddyg94 11
this is definitely something that you can do something about!
llamacat 0
Should you try to initiate more interment moments with your husband... Especially if your getting frustrated with cuddling up to him in bed... Give him surprise gobbies instead... Lol No sympathy takes two to tango!
OhHushDear 11
When I read "interment" I read the rest imagining a southern accent xD
Xcherrypie 16
Gobbies? That's horrific.
RedPillSucks 33
I'm afraid to google "Gobbies". I learned my lesson from googling "Blue Waffles" and "Two girls, one cup".
silentbutfunny 0
Better than "i realized me and my husband have done so much kinky sex that the only way we get off is recreating 2girls and 1cup"
DocBastard 40
Instead of "bed time", start calling it "**** time". He'll get the message.
WearingHats 14
From the sounds of it he'd probably rather sleep on the couch.
grannygruber 6
A cooling off period is normal for both if you. If you are ready to heat it back up I have NEVER known of a man to refuse a ********, even if that is how you wake him up!
mama2b3 20
Yeah I'm pretty sure this is accurate ^^^
Xcherrypie 16
Damn, replied in the wrong place!
analoveshotcoco 0
Sounds like something goku and chichi would do...
Enslaved 38
Not if Chichi grabs Goku's Dragon Z Balls.
biggestfan23 11
That sounds so depressing. Try and spice it up by making him crispy bacon and then telling him naughty things in his ear. If that doesn't do the trick then all might be lost