Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I realized that I've been intentionally causing arguments with my husband because the spare bed is more comfortable. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, my husband and I have officially become that couple that has to schedule sex. Between his working, my going back to school, raising kids, doing housework and homework, we just haven’t had time. Last night we tried to be spontaneous and get it on. We both fell asleep. FML
Today, I realised it’s been too long since my partner and I have had sex. How do I know? This is the third night in a row he’s humped me in his sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML
Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husband's rather rattling snoring, I finally managed to drop off… only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
krushr 3
Just keep scooting until your genitals get stuck together.
shireeniee 8
And then wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (154)
loserman67 36
My wife and I are married thirty years and we have always had a king size bed. We "scoot" close together and it never fails, sooner or later we are humping and sweating like monkeys! You need to experiment. Try "scooting" your coochie close to his mouth or his **** and see what happens, "scoot" you mouth close to his **** and I bet you get some attention! And, if sadly, all else fails take off the covers and let him watch as you take matters "into your own hands" (i.e. flick the bean while he watches) If that fails to get something going check him for a pulse...
silentbutfunny 0
Descriptive, yet... Interesting
Person1233 13
This comment was ... special.
biggestfan23 11
I admire your descriptiveness with this comment. Well done
flockz 20
i found this easy to ********** to.
OhHushDear 11
Flick the bean! Lolol that's great xD
silentbutfunny 0
Oh hush dear, you laugh alot.
OhHushDear 11
That I do, sir. I find that frequent laughter makes life more bearable.
iDont_fml 0
41, I see why you & your wife have been married for thirty years! Lol!
Pelreskovich 11
..make a move?
CaptainPickles72 18
At first, I thought that said movie!
Pr0metheus 7
Also a valid suggestion.
CaptainPickles72 18
If you don't make a move to have sex with him, then he might think you don't wanna ave sex with him anymore! He's your husband! Make a ******* attempt to have sex with him. Guys don't always make the first move. Or if you're uncomfortable doing that (for some odd reason) then direct him towards this FML, and hope he takes the hint.
Calyx_fml 22
What kind of tard would thumb this down?
kiki_05 0
You know not all women wait for a guy to jump her I almost always make the first move... I have a higher sex drive then my husband but we still have sex not as much as I want which sucks but maybe ops man just has a low sex drive it happens if I were her I'd get a really good vibrator and get it in as much as he will give her
beckyxD 13
Soon you'll be at the point where oral sex will just be walking past each other yelling "**** you!" or "bite me!"
perdix 31
Well, either he has low testosterone or... he's getting it somewhere else. One condition is easily fixed with prescription meds, the other is more easily fixed with a steak knife.
Clamcreepy 7
You need to scoot over til you can scoop his balls so y'all are spooning
charlieinfinite 1
I know the feeling. It's an awful place to be, and it's really emotionally hurtful sometimes.
mama2b3 20
This comment made me feel sad :/
iDont_fml 0
OP, does your hubby have a boner when you guys scoot next to each other?
silencedistant 0
This is more likely to happen after you have kids.
Furrywhiplash 14
If you are able to, it sounds like you two need a romantic vacation.