Intimacy: Today, in front of my friends, my mom came after me with a pair...

By "linzi1771" - Canada - Vancouver

Today, in front of my friends, my mom came after me with a pair of tweezers exclaiming "there's just a couple of hairs on your chin that need to be plucked." I'm a 14 year old girl. FML

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Intimacy

Season finale

This Charming Man

BO Central

By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

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By herpmonster - Italy

Today, I stepped out for some fresh air while I waited for my clothes to dry at the laundromat. Just as I was retrieving my clothes, a disheveled-looking kid staggered over, pushed me aside, and started vomiting his guts out all over my fresh clothes. FML

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By tinydancer - United States - Richmond

Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML

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By hermit's life - United States - Sellersburg

Today, I learned that instead of spending Christmas alone with my cat, enjoying chicken quesadillas and a tin of tuna while watching only the best cartoons, my mother's coming over. FML

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By NoCirculation - 24/11/2020 14:03 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Thermoregulation wars

Today, my boyfriend is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I'm wearing leggings, sweatpants, a vest, t-shirt, jumper and hoodie. If we turn the heating any higher, he starts overheating and sweating. At the current level, I'm still shivering. FML

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By GoodDog - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

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By writer4life - United States

Weird assumption

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

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By veggiedude - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

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By SadSister:( - United States

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

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By mandy_2480 - China

Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

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By DrunkenMum

Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lansing

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner, since we can't see each other this Valentine's Day. Halfway through, my aunt called, telling me my grandma had died. I had to leave because I was crying so much, leaving my girlfriend with a very pricey bill. FML

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By iet_Wyrda - France - Verneuil-sur-seine

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

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By Melting in Texas

Today, I discovered that my freezer had died when I saw the contents oozing out the bottom. The now-full trash can won't be picked up for another 6 days, and the high temperatures are supposed to be in the 100s all week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

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By fatmom - United Kingdom - Royal Tunbridge Wells

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

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By truckstopworker

Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML

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By Anonymoosey - Canada

Relax

Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML

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By Bhrugu - 30/4/2021 04:00 - India - Hyderabad

Get tested, people

Today, I found out that people in the apartment to the left, in the one to the right and in the one above mine all tested positive for Covid, a week ago. FML

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By mpsteve137 - United States - Acworth

Apologetic

Today, I realized I say "sorry" more than anything else during sex with my girlfriend. FML

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By NCanalyst - Norway

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

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By mtorres8789 - United States

Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML

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By sexychica - United States

Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML

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By awkward O_o - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

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By Angela - 8/3/2021 00:28 - United States - Birmingham

Fuck the lifescript

Today, my twice-divorced boomer mother made another passive-aggressive remark about my partner and I not being married, despite our 13-year relationship. What is this, 1950? We don't care about marriage, deal with it. FML

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By knevs - United States

Today, my mom sold our electronic stuff to pay for hurricane shutters. We live in Chicago. FML

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By shithappens

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself.FML

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By art_major - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2020 09:05 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Can't get no…

Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

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By killme.jpeg - Netherlands - Wassenaar

Today, I scored the number of a cute girl. I gave her mine as well, just before leaving the bar. As I waved her goodbye, I attempted to do a cheesy "call me" gesture with my thumb and pinky finger, and winked. For a reason unknown to me, I ended up flipping her off. I still winked though. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

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By LesToiliettes - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML

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By hey-o - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon to cut 6 in. off my hair. When I got there I decided to get my upper lip waxed for the first time. When my boyfriend came to pick me up for our date I asked if he noticed anything different about me, the first thing he said was "I see you got rid of you mustache." FML

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By T.C - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my happily married father has been hiring escorts on-line for 3 years. FML

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By CircleBruise - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

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By FAIL - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML

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Yes or No?

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

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Top comments

By im_teekay | 7

#7738304 - Sunday 16 December 2018 1:48

Don't worry OP, we all get random mutant hairs growing on our face occasionally. Just a shame your mum couldn't have waited until your friends went home

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7738347 - Sunday 16 December 2018 4:59

What a mother plucker!!

COMMENTS

By DraftHail614 | 17

#7738138 - Saturday 15 December 2018 17:32

iT's A tRaP

By im_teekay | 7

#7738304 - Sunday 16 December 2018 1:48

Don't worry OP, we all get random mutant hairs growing on our face occasionally. Just a shame your mum couldn't have waited until your friends went home

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7738347 - Sunday 16 December 2018 4:59

What a mother plucker!!

By maddyoll | 12

#7738788 - Monday 17 December 2018 3:01

That happened to me when I was 14 too and it turns out I have a condition called PCOS! If you are having other problems such as irregular periods or bad acne you may want to go to an endocrinologist and get checked out :)

By GUYMAINE | 16

#7738827 - Monday 17 December 2018 7:20

Bright side is now the book on embarrassing her in front of her friends is wide open and she is fair game due to own actions. Happy hunting. Pro tip: they keep the embarrassing stuff in the top dresser drawer usually

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7739926 - Wednesday 19 December 2018 0:46

Women do get facial hair and some do get it like that. That is also a symptom of PCOS... which I have.

By Sarah Marie_1459472994 | 5

#7770625 - Monday 18 February 2019 5:05

She gave you those genes.

By OneWhoKnows | 5

#7828652 - Monday 5 August 2019 5:37

Narcissist mother study it out!!