Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tapeworms. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today I discovered the hard way that you can rip your own butthole. Not from having sex though, I ripped my own butt because I was constipated. FML
Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, I learned that a innie belly button does not clean itself. I can't begin to describe the horrors I found, after using tweezers to get thirty years worth of "contents" out from inside me. FML
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Top comments
almightyymarcus 6
You should go to the doctor But I'm Glad you were trying to make a good life decision by trying to live healthier OP keep up the good work
DeadxManxWalking 27
might want to go see a doctor.
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Comments (92)
sousaphonist 14
You should still go see the doctor
ChrisHavok 5
your bare hands?!
ham_spam 17
You made me remember ewwwwww
quailpower 2
Sections of the tapeworm, known as proglottids break off when they mature. They are basically egg sacs. The mouth of the tapeworm is fixed to the intestine wall and will not be disloged by pulling as the lower sections break away. Tansy is a natural de-wormer, otherwise you will need an anti-helminthic medicine. Otherwise you will remain infected. Also make sure you maintain good hygiene as it is possible to reinfect yourself feco-orally :)
HeartYou101 31
I read an article and watched a documentary that if you pull out the tapeworm as far as it'll go out of your butt, cut it with a scissors as near to the anus as possible as it won't get very far when it's just a "head" and it will die off. However, I highly recommend going to a doctor still...
quailpower 2
I'm a microbiologist and that is completely wrong. Completely.
tomvertigo 17
Thank you for your extremely helpful, clinical advice. You win for not saying "ewww omg" and moving on like the rest of the people.
OlRed 28
You really shouldn't just pull it out, some of them are really dangerous and either latch on to your insides or have hooks so probably should have gone to the doctor.
SunshineBoy_fml 16
There could be more up there.. It's better to see a doc. Take care OP
TrippyEyes 16
Wow that is not what you wanna read mid-shit
negb 30
Hahaha this should be a top comment!
ham_spam 17
43 I can't help but laugh at your comment on this guys comment omg
whybotherliving 11
*dies*
tomvertigo 17
I feel like I know you more than I should, now.
allforfun 23
Yeah there's still tons more worms inside of you... You need to see a doc.
zeffra13 31
As others have said, the head of the tapeworm can't be removed by pulling. If you don't take something to kill the head, it will regrow the body segments. There can be serious health effects from leaving it. You can get tapeworms from contaminated water, plants watered with contaminated water, or eating undercooked meat from an infected animal (like fish or steak). This is why you're not supposed to eat meat that isn't at least medium cooked, reaching an internal temperature of at least 150F.
soulreaper12296 28
I'd go see a doctor, OP. There's always the possibilty that you have more than 1.
jbjrox92 13
therapy needed