Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tapeworms. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today I discovered the hard way that you can rip your own butthole. Not from having sex though, I ripped my own butt because I was constipated. FML
Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, I learned that a innie belly button does not clean itself. I can't begin to describe the horrors I found, after using tweezers to get thirty years worth of "contents" out from inside me. FML
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Top comments
almightyymarcus 6
You should go to the doctor But I'm Glad you were trying to make a good life decision by trying to live healthier OP keep up the good work
DeadxManxWalking 27
might want to go see a doctor.
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Comments (92)
Elban 20
That's pretty hardcore. Did you just flush it or did you strangle it or something?
Salisbury 7
Tapeworms produce lots of eggs. Where there is one, there is more that you can't see. Definitely, go to your doctor.
colbytheneech 4
Hahahahahahaha
megusta2323 4
Should have kept it would have lost more weight and you can eat what you want op
zainman13 26
Yikes! Glad you found out the cause . And doctors visit is due
slyde32 12
you couldn't use toilet paper to pull it out?
ham_spam 17
Right
ThatDutchGuy 15
Finally found you! Was looking for this comment...
Thor1012 28
Too many fml's making me feel sick lately ?
Wormgod 10
You most likely have more. Go get some antiworm pills.
tomvertigo 17
Your name suits this thread.
worthypegram1 13
You should go to the doctor and make sure you don't have any more!
morgan_fffff 7
Wtf