Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tapeworms. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today I discovered the hard way that you can rip your own butthole. Not from having sex though, I ripped my own butt because I was constipated. FML
Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, I learned that a innie belly button does not clean itself. I can't begin to describe the horrors I found, after using tweezers to get thirty years worth of "contents" out from inside me. FML
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Top comments
almightyymarcus 6
You should go to the doctor But I'm Glad you were trying to make a good life decision by trying to live healthier OP keep up the good work
DeadxManxWalking 27
might want to go see a doctor.
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Comments (92)
peckerbeak22 14
This just grosses me out so much ugh
pudges 4
Tape worms don't really cause weight loss, there isn't sufficient evidence of weight loss by them, they do however malnourish you, all in saying is most of your weight loss would be from your change in life style, good job!
Sk8brdmenace 17
I'm trying to rinse the orange juice and pizza taste outta my mouth after the mini-puke I just had after reading this. FYL for sure
Zmanryan3 9
I hope you washed your hand before you posted this FML
liz4cyr 10
Preferably before posting this...
Regisord413 10
*Shudder* Really sorry that had to happen to you.
Brindilles 14
You should definitely go see your PCP. Taking it out yourself could lead to bad repercussions. Not to mention, there may still be larvae in your system.
metalcrazed 21
How does a person get a tapeworm what causes it.
doumtabarnack 12
Actually, you're very lucky you have expelled it naturally. pretty sure it laid eggs before tho you should get screened.
rinnybell210 16
Pardon me while I scream for the rest of my life
LevelupKid 8
well at least you lost a good amount of weight. And the tape worm is gone so, win-win.