Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML
Today, I went to the Asian Grocery. I politely smiled, bellowed, “Hello!” and kind of waved to the cashier as I walked in, to which he gave me a blank, scared-for-his-life kinda look. Turns out he was actually just another customer. FML
Today, the checkout guy at my local store asked me if I had my hair cut. I answered and started talking about my hair, and he gave me a really weird look. He was talking to his friend, who I hadn't noticed in the queue behind me. FML
Today, I was using self-checkout at the grocery store, and the machine flipped out and started randomly announcing, "Please wait for assistance." No one came to help, but the machine just kept loudly repeating it until everyone stared at me like I was trying to steal grapes. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML
Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML
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Top comments
whatarethisss 23
This is actually hilarious, lmao.
karacakal2 30
You should've put a third one to assert dominance
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Comments (84)
whatarethisss 23
This is actually hilarious, lmao.
TH_Insomniak 15
as someone who does this kinda thing all the Time, I can tell you he was just going it to **** with you. And it seemed to work
cole_tyler42 21
Well, are you Jewish?
firefighter925 18
Should of stared right back menacingly and said I wouldn't either
JKPwnage 27
Should have* paid attention in English
mariri9206 32
#27 that was a well done burn.
Host2phats 21
BURN
PencilTips 19
And then added another divider to the second... to add effect.
HeadlessSparrow 20
I'm sorry, but this made me laugh. I have to do this one day.
karacakal2 30
You should've put a third one to assert dominance
Lalala579121 27
While constantly staring at the guy.
smokecloud_ 37
And peeing on him.
ApparentlyNotEno 28
This actually made me laugh heartily out loud. Good on you! X-D
Earl_KarmasBitch 34
Nope, you should have claimed the no man's land between the two in the name of your glorious empire and told him that any movement into that land would be regarded as a declaration of war.
PeppermintPenny 30
Word on the street is, that if you put 3 in a row, you can buy one...
Tripartita 44
Well, shit, now his groceries are twice as secure if you're planning on on stealing them… before he buys them.
christopherwilli 14
Look him in the eye and put a third one down
lexiieeex3 32
Them carrots are the devil's work.
Lalala579121 27
What do rabbits need such good eyesight for anyways?
Jetix7402 22
Predators such as foxes.
jocamo 24
#38 I understood that reference!
S0LUS 16
Should've put up a third, looked at him and said "right back at cha".