Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML
Today, I went to the Asian Grocery. I politely smiled, bellowed, “Hello!” and kind of waved to the cashier as I walked in, to which he gave me a blank, scared-for-his-life kinda look. Turns out he was actually just another customer. FML
Today, the checkout guy at my local store asked me if I had my hair cut. I answered and started talking about my hair, and he gave me a really weird look. He was talking to his friend, who I hadn't noticed in the queue behind me. FML
Today, I was using self-checkout at the grocery store, and the machine flipped out and started randomly announcing, "Please wait for assistance." No one came to help, but the machine just kept loudly repeating it until everyone stared at me like I was trying to steal grapes. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML
Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML
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Top comments
whatarethisss 23
This is actually hilarious, lmao.
karacakal2 30
You should've put a third one to assert dominance
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Comments (84)
stvn97 11
Lol
sarahlwatson24 6
OMG. This was the funniest one I've read all night. Thank you.
marvelous1318 17
That sounds amazing!
Quendolin 24
OP here: This is not a follow-up. I'm just commenting to see what happens since I've never had a FML published before and saw that other people got a badge for a follow-up and so I got to do research if this is still possible after 44 days. Also to at least somehow use the attention I might get, here's a fragment of a list of things I consider important for a good life: Take time to be happy! Take time to be sad! Take time to be angry! Live out every feeling there is! It's important to stay healthy. Express gratitude! Look people in the eye! Make bodycontact! Before going to bed review your day! Before going to bed visualize tomorrow! Know when to keep quiet and just listen and smile! When with people imagine yourself from their perspective and compare to what you want to convey! As often as possible say 'Yes' if it doesn't give you any severe disadvantages! Question everything! Question especially what you're unlikely to question!
unsealingkale 18
your fml is going straight to the favorites
unsealingkale 18
Rude? Awkward? Yes, no doubt, but this is still strangely hilarious to me. The "Fawlty Towers" style of humor immediately popped into my head when I pictured this story.
joeyl1990 28
What is there not to trust? Did he think you were going to find a way to have him pay for your stuff and then get it back with out him noticing