Transportation: Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post...

By John - 15/11/2009 06:08 - Australia

Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post office. When I came back out I noticed a bum in the front seat pretending to drive it. After shouting at him and pulling him out, he stumbled off. I was then slapped with a ticket for being parked longer than 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 423

You deserved it 6 226

Transportation

Age difference

Taking stock

Unimpressed

By stranded - 19/05/2011 11:46 - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 797

You deserved it 15 934

By wellthisisawkward80 - 06/11/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was attending my bachelor party. I watched a very attractive young girl dancing on a pole, giving me a seductive look. As she walked up to me, I realized it was my soon-to-be wife's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 558

You deserved it 17 916

By bastardddd - 11/04/2009 01:47 - United States

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 377

You deserved it 6 364

By kdriver - 12/09/2016 14:44 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I'm fostering a very shy cat who doesn't like to be held. I had to move the litter box to another room, but when I picked him up to show him where I'd moved it to, he peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 361

You deserved it 1 717

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 477

You deserved it 7 926

By Username - 26/04/2011 19:11 - United States

Today, my friend told me that her favourite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 896

You deserved it 40 183

Call the police

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 22:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was looking at my pictures and there are none of me and my boyfriend together. The only photographic evidence of our relationship are pictures of bruises he has given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 06/11/2011 21:05 - United Kingdom

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 322

You deserved it 5 577

People gonna be people

By Anonymous - 13/01/2022 10:59

Today, I had to fix signs to a pond in the public park, stating that the water is not fit for drinking. Yes, this is after someone drank the water, became very sick, and successfully sued us for not having a sign up telling him the pond of mucky brown water with fish in isn’t fresh drinking water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 65

By that guy - 24/05/2012 16:41 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my phone ever rings is because someone needs help with their computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 843

You deserved it 2 281

By Stormbringer - 01/02/2011 06:37

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 379

You deserved it 4 103

By Hatilic_ - 14/06/2019 20:00

Today, my idiot of a boss yelled at me because it's physically impossible for me to be in two places at the same time, and that I'm not a magician. He didn't understand that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 132

Great to know

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Tipton

Today, my mom told me all about how I was conceived in a Disneyland toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 357

You deserved it 4 163

Feeders

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years dumped me, after he intentionally made me fat so that I wouldn't leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 877

By Micawber - 31/01/2011 13:55 - Denmark

Today, it was my birthday. I got ONE birthday greeting: from my bank, telling me they were closing my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 344

You deserved it 3 454

Dogfished

By Anonymous - 10/11/2013 07:49 - United States

Today, I took my 13 year-old fishing off the pier for dogfish. The only thing he caught was a piece of my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 605

You deserved it 4 318

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 12:00

Today, while I was fitting a new fuse box, a giant spider tried to eat my fingers. As I pulled away, I touched the exposed wires. I woke up flat on my back to the customer slapping my face, burnt fingers, and bruises everywhere. I had also peed and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 348

You deserved it 474

By damn-it - 22/02/2009 06:41 - Australia

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 901

You deserved it 48 116

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 21:07 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 086

You deserved it 8 169

By aawkward... - 09/12/2009 19:27 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 920

You deserved it 2 478

By disappointed - 23/07/2012 01:05

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 227

You deserved it 4 191

Confess!

By hitandrun - 10/08/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 171

You deserved it 75 708

By 2ndgenoration - 17/05/2014 21:56 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 535

You deserved it 4 188

By fuckingfloridahowihatethee - 26/04/2014 19:55 - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 349

You deserved it 5 386

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I noticed a spot of water on the floor. I thought my cats had spilled a cup of water and didn't worry about it. I went to a meeting and when I came back, my entire apartment was flooded with 3 inches of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 726

You deserved it 7 089

By UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh - 09/02/2013 17:21 - Kenya

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 660

You deserved it 2 301

By Anonymous - 15/04/2013 16:02 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He wants us to stay friends, though, so he can continue to use my coffee maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 125

You deserved it 4 707

By viperplay53 - 12/08/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, while working at a McDonald's drive-through, some dicks decided to pull a "fire in the hole" prank. Granted, it has been done to me before, this time was different. These pleasant people decided to use hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 321

You deserved it 2 581

By VahnSeiro - 20/02/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 339

You deserved it 2 720

By kittynapper - 17/07/2014 23:32 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 464

You deserved it 6 863

You never know

By Mezzlegasm - 10/07/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, I was talking to my good friend's girlfriend. She mentioned being afraid of losing her job. Because she was still a teenager, I jokingly said, "Oh, like you're responsible for a whole family!" She is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 068

You deserved it 51 177

No soup for you

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 17:00 - Germany

Today, our canteen served soup. I have Tourette's. It would have been fine, hadn't the only free seat been across from another person with Tourette's. When two people with Tourette's meet, their tics can increase tenfold. It was a splashing match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 75

Classy

By Eww - 17/11/2021 20:02

Today, I decided to be nice and do the laundry for the whole family. Apparently, all the guys in the family have skid marks on both the back AND THE FRONT of their underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 113

By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because he has a pimple fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 621

You deserved it 5 260

By wrestling probs - 26/05/2015 02:24 - United States

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 718

You deserved it 1 988

By AzrielB - 18/10/2018 15:30

Today, my friend, who had begged me to buy them a plane ticket after being stranded overseas, blocked me. They didn't even use the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 643

You deserved it 471

By Clutz - 25/10/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 396

You deserved it 35 814

By santasadiekins - 17/08/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 563

You deserved it 4 827

TSA

By androgynous - 30/03/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 484

You deserved it 4 738

By yup okay - 19/08/2010 15:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he finds his car more attractive than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 912

You deserved it 6 858

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Top comments

RipIt 0

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Sunday 15 November 2009 12:52

Close the roof next time?

Peroxide 3

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Sunday 15 November 2009 12:40

There goes that new car smell...

Peroxide 3

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Sunday 15 November 2009 12:40

There goes that new car smell...

qwaszxwesdxc 0

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 19:42

Bummer

patrickmen11 7

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Friday 6 September 2013 21:04

Did you just

emilysanftwsom 0

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Sunday 15 November 2009 12:47

Boring.

RipIt 0

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Sunday 15 November 2009 12:52

Close the roof next time?

Mx_Rider 6

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Sunday 15 November 2009 13:25

beat his ass next time. who cares if hes a bumb both of ydi

visage 0

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Sunday 15 November 2009 14:10

I hope it smells like bum ass now.

kile88 2

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Sunday 15 November 2009 14:35

ydi for having a convertable... WTF.. I'd never get one unless it had a roof of some sort.. anyone can get in it or touch your shit.. fkk

jrs0118 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 3:11

umm i had a convertible and there is a roof that goes up and down you idiot. but the OP went in the place for 5 fucking minutes, so why put the top up?

yehr 0

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Monday 30 November 2009 11:06

yeah who the fuck expects a bum to just hop in and make himself at home lmao XD

connorfinch 0

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Thursday 10 June 2010 3:38

"convertable" as in it can CONVERT to a car with or roof or without and yeah convertables are mostly nice cars lots of ppl have them

frostie 0

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Sunday 15 November 2009 15:15

Out of all the FML's where people are saying how they got cheated on, betrayed by a family member, having an embarrassing moment in front of millions of people; yours says how you got a parking ticket that you only have to pay......... Dont ever use this site if your going to whine about something that could not even possibly ruin your day. Jesus christ i really want to rage on you right now......

ninjappy 0

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Friday 26 March 2010 2:28

God forbid we destroy the sanctity of this site with things other than whiny drama queens complaining about normal human behavior!

perdix 29

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Sunday 15 November 2009 15:17

Is this the same bum from Australia that had the ingrown hair in it? A hobo in the driver's seat, huh? Here in Texas you'd probably win the Bum Steer award. I think it would be the first time it was handed out for being literally true.

marc_with_a_c 3

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Sunday 15 November 2009 16:12

I'm surprised no one mentionned how fake this sounds yet.. seriously, what kind of zealous cop would give out a ticket to someone for being parked a minute too long when they obviously see the driver next to the car taking care of a problem that's preventing him to leave? And unless there's a timer somewhere, or the cop watched the whole 5 minutes, there's no way to know how long someone has been parked in those kind of parkings..

postaltubealex 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 12:25

you obviously haven't been to australia. the parking ticket officers get a commission off each ticket they give out. so if you're there for 5 minutes and 5 seconds, you'd get fined. similar stories are commonly reported on the news.

Cristaderzi 0

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Sunday 15 November 2009 17:22

Umm actually they mark the tires with chalk and log it. Then they come back by checking thier logs and they make thier decision whether or not to cite the driver at that point...