Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was told that a coworker of mine absolutely hates me. Why? Because sometimes I have a slight stutter, and he thinks I'm mocking his very apparent stutter. FML
Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML
Today, I was fixing something for a guy at a steel manufacturing company. His employees told me that their boss can't hear properly, so I'd have to be loud when talking to him. When I'd finished, he asked me if I normally talked like that, or if there was something wrong with me. FML
Today, my boss yelled at me in front of several customers for gesturing too much while I talk, because it's "unprofessional". I was using sign language. FML
Today, I received a two-page letter/rant from my boss notifying me of my imminent dismissal, based on issues such as me "speaking in a suppressed voice." FML
Today, I got put in a speech impediment class because apparently I have a lisp. No, my tongue is just swollen, and I can't talk very well because of it. I've talked normally for the past 17 years. FML
Today, I overheard my boss talking about me on the phone. Turns out he was drunk off his ass when he gave the go-ahead to hire me, and he's now searching for any excuse to legally fire me. FML
Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML
Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML
Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML
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Top comments
teague95 16
That's smart. Think someone might be possessed, talk about them behind their back.
MrFuzzles 5
The power of Christ compels you!!
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Comments (103)
tony1891 22
I cast you out in the name of Jesus!!
UnionsSuck 5
So when a cop pulls you over do they always ask how much you had to drink?
Z03y 7
I'm not slurring officer, I'm merely speaking in cursive.
UnionsSuck 5
Lmfao haha
donkey79 0
This is a good thing. You wont be asked for much and people wont feel the need to talk to you about their personal crap, keep them wondering.
rainbowflag 2
wellthatreallysucks
unknown_user5566 27
You realize your phone/computer has a button to insert spaces, right?
dubstep12 8
I agree with 28:D it does have spaces!!
theMelimda 3
I think he was trying to be clever by making a reference to the op and his problem of slurring words. The only way to slur words via typing is to eliminate the spaces. I'm sure 20 is well aware there are spaces on his phone. Justsayin...
Erick_lawl 6
28- I think you're gorgeous. just saying :)
Aspen_Grace33 27
Thats really ignorant of them to talk like that behind your back. If you are comfortable with how you sound, ignore them. If you are uncomfortable, maybe try speech therapy?
Chandler1Bing 0
"I asked myself 'What would Jesus do?' So I lit him on fire and sent him to hell."
random_jay 6
Reading that isnt nearly as funny as hearing it
bredahl 26
My boyfriend mumbles. It's terrible. Half the time I don't know what he's saying.
PlaidPanda 9
"it's terrible" .. ? uhg, so you're just with him, because?
PlaidPanda 9
I understand it's a misperfection, and I certainly did not say she should leave him. I just hate when people say something is "terrible"about their loved one.
Tempest559 12
Sounds like you have an out in case you go postal on everybody.
sugarbaby9908 20
Ask them about it. Then say you have a speech problem n make them feel like asses
rosesofash860 8
There has got to be a voodoo zombie joke about this somewhere.