Intimacy: Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 292

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 125

22/04/2016 18:50

Spicy

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 009

You deserved it 1 710

Sorry…

Another great day to be alive

Paranoia

27/08/2015 16:42

Today, after an 8-month wait, I went on my big vacation. The beach, the sea, the dive, the jellyfish, the allergic reaction, the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 638

You deserved it 1 722

08/03/2010 01:46

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 531

You deserved it 2 579

03/11/2011 23:48

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 810

You deserved it 9 693

14/08/2011 03:56

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 591

You deserved it 56 790

16/11/2016 22:55

Today, my dad told my mom to only drop off my sister for Thanksgiving and not me. Guess I was wrong about him wanting to work on our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 644

You deserved it 714

09/02/2019 02:00

Today, I had a dream where I was imagining myself hooking up with a really hot girl. Not a sex dream. A dream where I was sitting in a room alone and imagining myself hooking up with this really hot girl. Even in my dreams I can only imagine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 169

You deserved it 234

24/05/2016 13:29

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 509

You deserved it 1 346

Keep fit!

By anonymous - 13/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 237

You deserved it 1 343

15/09/2017 23:15

Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 952

You deserved it 870

14/10/2009 03:25

Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 515

You deserved it 13 841

01/10/2012 03:21

Today, I had to serve my boyfriend's father with a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 711

You deserved it 1 984

24/05/2015 15:56

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 359

You deserved it 2 692

Get out

By Anonymous - 16/03/2021 11:59

Today, my abusive ex-husband thought it was a good idea to buy the house next door and start living there immediately. Looks like I gotta move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 60

22/05/2010 23:22

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 543

You deserved it 46 981

01/06/2010 12:31

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 263

You deserved it 5 782

Timewaster

By HMM - 28/07/2010 11:42

Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 956

You deserved it 2 985

12/09/2009 18:58

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 793

You deserved it 8 872

26/04/2014 11:36

Today, my little brother put a battery to my tongue while I was sleeping with my mouth open. The shock found its way right to my metal filling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 292

You deserved it 3 937

Sketchy

By Anonymous - 23/04/2009 13:25

Today, I parked downtown for a few minutes to pick up a pizza. As I was getting out of my car, a sketchy guy came up and asked me for $5. I told him to get lost and walked away. I walked back to the lot with my pizza and my car was gone. The sketchy guy was a parking attendent. He had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 70 668

Happy anniversary!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 14:00

Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 195

Too much of a good thing

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 23:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that our quickies shouldn’t take 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 1 480

01/03/2011 23:51

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 551

You deserved it 90 693

23/06/2013 04:37

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 262

You deserved it 3 396

Big booming voice issues

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 05:01

Today, like the rest of the past year, I had to hear my roommate as he works as tech support from home. The man does not have an "inside voice" but echoes across multiple floors like a tuba, as he debugs people's software issues over the phone. Talking to him about it only makes him angry… and louder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 61

09/07/2009 07:02

Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 157

You deserved it 3 823

10/10/2016 12:18

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 161

You deserved it 1 100

Shit yourself time

By Seth - 04/07/2021 22:01

Today, on my way to a job interview, I saw a dog running down the road so I stopped to pet it. It was a wolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 496

16/07/2011 04:25

Today, I found out I can't go to my best friend's birthday party. To cheer me up, my parents decided to take me and my brother to my favorite pizzeria for dinner. When I was ready and went downstairs, I discovered they left already. They forgot me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 356

You deserved it 3 209

09/11/2011 22:48

Spicy

Today, I found out that my 20-year-old boyfriend won't touch my boobs because he is afraid his parents will find out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 431

You deserved it 5 646

26/01/2009 23:44

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 139

You deserved it 3 303

17/04/2012 09:38

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 041

You deserved it 3 069

12/10/2009 14:52

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 600

You deserved it 5 663

08/07/2015 13:58

Today, I guest-played as a catcher for a new fastpitch softball team. After the first couple of innings, the batter fouled a ball back into my catcher's mask. As a concussion test, the coach asked me what her name was. I decided to fake the concussion rather than admit that I'd forgotten her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 151

You deserved it 5 973

Staycation time

By Anonymous - 30/01/2017 13:05

Today, £250 of money belonging to work was stolen from my handbag. My boss says I have to pay it back because I'm the one that signed out the cash. There goes the holiday I was about to book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 256

You deserved it 1 001

05/04/2012 05:11

Spicy

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 210

You deserved it 2 710

26/12/2012 14:05

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 001

You deserved it 3 366

26/03/2010 07:31

Spicy

Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 968

You deserved it 9 487

17/08/2009 02:45

Spicy

Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided to tell me that the bowling alley had a new air hockey table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 019

You deserved it 5 672

The Three Bears Conundrum

By Madison43097 - 24/09/2009 20:57

Spicy

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 640

You deserved it 2 518

04/02/2009 23:04

Spicy

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 949

You deserved it 2 856

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Top comments

scarlet22ashley 19

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Saturday 23 April 2016 7:53

What an asshole, dogs and pets in general are basically best friends to the owners so I would be surprised if someone didn't get upset over theirs dying

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Saturday 23 April 2016 8:00

Sorry for your loss OP :(

Comments

scarlet22ashley 19

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Saturday 23 April 2016 7:53

What an asshole, dogs and pets in general are basically best friends to the owners so I would be surprised if someone didn't get upset over theirs dying

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Sunday 24 April 2016 15:53

Agreed. though i care for my animals then most human beings.

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Saturday 23 April 2016 7:57

So your friend just happened to have a story about somebody whose little death turned into the big one, and they were complaining about you grieving for your dog?! Man, they missed an opportunity for a much more interesting conversation! Good riddance.

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Saturday 23 April 2016 15:41

#3 He wasn't talking about someone who died fucking. He was implying that if OP was grieving so much he must have been fucking his dog. Catch up.

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Saturday 23 April 2016 19:25

I assure you I wasn't joking. I'm a very serious person. Especially on humorous websites.

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Saturday 23 April 2016 8:00

Sorry for your loss OP :(

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Saturday 23 April 2016 8:05

im so sorry OP, losing a pet is like losing a member of your family. that "friend" is an insensitive jackass

MikaykayUnicorn 36

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Saturday 23 April 2016 9:49

It's hard losing a dog. I've lost dogs that I had for ages and dogs I had for a mere week (the poor pup got into some rat poison that we didn't think she could reach and it killed her because she was still a small puppy) and they all hurt so bad because most people's dogs are so important to them because they are like family. I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

Jenmic 14

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Saturday 23 April 2016 14:50

According to that idiot's logic, you must be fucking if you're upset at losing a family member.

Branessa9611 14

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Saturday 23 April 2016 8:13

Sorry for your loss, OP. I almost feel even sorrier for your "friend." He's obviously never know the love and bonds between a pet and their owner.

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Saturday 23 April 2016 8:24

I'm sure I can speak on behalf of the community (dog lovers) when I say that's a terrible thing for them to say. Sorry to hear OP

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Saturday 23 April 2016 9:02

well if someone doesn't know how it's like to deal with someone's death, they shouldn't "Just say".

Vitani_Verci 24

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Saturday 23 April 2016 9:06

It doesn't matter who or what you are grieving over, it's nobody's business how long it takes you to cope. I'm very sorry for your loss OP. :(

MandySkittles 18

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Saturday 23 April 2016 9:07

Not much of a friend, especially when you're grieving. It doesn't matter if it was 'just' a dog, loss is loss. Losing a pet can be like losing a piece of yourself too, and I'm sorry your 'friend' doesn't understand that. Take some time to yourself, celebrate the experiences you and your doggy shared and take it easy for a while! It hurts so bad at first, but it does get better. Best wishes to you!

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Saturday 23 April 2016 10:20

It is well known that insults, slanders, gossips and slurs mostly reflect the deepest darkest fantasies inside the mind of the person who utters them . Just saying.

MGC501 13

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Saturday 23 April 2016 10:36

Did just just call him a friend? I hope you meant he WAS your friend? Noone that says these kinds of things is a true friend OP, you deserve better.

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Saturday 23 April 2016 15:43

#13 No, he didn't. That's what the inverted commas on "friend" were for, to say the person is supposed to be his friend, but isn't.