Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
Lasting first impression
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. As I went to shake her dad’s hand, my nervous, sweaty palm slipped right off and I ended up tapping him on the wrist. He gave me the most judgmental look while I awkwardly apologized and wiped my hand on my pants. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Very very frightening
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Time to leave
Today, I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. When I went to shake her dad's hand, I broke his watch. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML
First impressions
Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML
Top comments
BRLHP 24
Sounds like he really likes ya.
jojo66567 5
sounds like a real nutcracker
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Comments (184)
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
Lol
laya_fml 26
If you ever piss your girlfriend off, I suggest staying as far away from the father as possible.
Lionesse 15
There is no such thing as "far away" in a Dad's vocabulary when it is regarding his daughter. Take it from someone who has a Dad that constantly threatens to break his foot up any guy that I am around ass. Dads have no boundary when it comes to their daughters love life/Social life and whatnot.
kingsian 15
Man up lil homie! Look him in the eye and squeeze his hand back and say "alight"
zandalee 20
Ummm alight? Is that special code for 'I'm going to set your night on fire'?
kingsian 15
#28 I'm not sure what you're saying. Let me clear it up for you since my language is new to you. In this situation "alight" means I understand you or I got you.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Did you mean 'Alright' by any chance? Because 'alight' means to dismount, or get off of or get down from, something like a horse or a large vehicle like a truck. Hmm?
kingsian 15
#49 did I say alright or alight? I believe I said alight I do not care about my grammar. I'm not in school nor are you my teacher if you have a problem then thumb me down ALIGHT! Lmao
anyav3 13
You asked for it... Thumb dooooown
daminantion 14
Typical guy trying to act tough on the Interwebs lol. More than likely American too.. It's okay folks, nothing to see here, just nod and smile and continue reading :)
kingsian 15
Naw partner I'm African American and I'm not acting tough I'm having fun!!!!
DocBastard 40
Kingsian - The definition of "insanity" is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different outcome. The definition of "idiocy", on the other hand, is making a mistake and refusing to learn from it.
kingsian 15
Ohhh yeah now I got the attention of the regulars now. Ok I have been preparing for this moment for some time how should sian handle this? Well first thing firsts why the name calling? Did I call you a name Mr.Bastard sir? Naw I didn't did I? If you calling me an idiot makes you a better person then feel free to.
stargirl_95 24
That took me awhile to get but once I saw your username it all made sense
Akay4 14
Um...OK...
guyverzerox 6
He should have done it anyways do to your disgracefully weak hand shake.
Shrike 24
"DO to"?! He should crush YOUR balls due to your terrible grammar. It seems only fair.
Axipiter 24
I hope someone will "do to" 21 what he has done to grammar. Poor grammar...
EpicSquishii 21
It's not "grammar," it's SPELLING. Two different things
Axipiter 24
It's spelled correctly. At least you were right on one count, they ARE two different things.
SillyGirl4602 23
119- spelling and grammar are two different things. 110 is correct though.
EpicSquishii 21
No. "Due" was not spelled correctly in this instance. Just like "there" "they're" and "their" are often mispelled. If "do" (as in the action word) was what he actually meant, it'd have been spelled correctly. Since he obviously meant "due," it was spelled incorrectly.
guyverzerox 6
135 Is correct it is a spelling error not grammar. I missed the e in due so my phone auto corrected it into do instead of due. You just had an argument over an iPhone mistake and were completely wrong as to what type of mistake it was. Trying to make yourself out to be some one better than what you are you only made yourself look like an idiot. Thank you 135 for pointing out my mistake correctly.
80sgurl 15
I wouldn't do anything to piss off her dad if I were you.
EvilUndead 9
1. Do strength training. 2. ONce training done crush his hand and say that if your girlfriend ever complains about HIM, you'll rip HIS balls off.
DocBastard 40
Hahaha no. That's not the way it works, friend. Daddy comes first.
EvilUndead 9
33, you never now till you try.
DocBastard 40
Yeah, except I'm a dad, not a boy. Nice try, son.
EvilUndead 9
67, You shouldn't underestimate people, because you might run into somebody who's much crazier than you. I think people need to set their priorities straight. 1. The important person is girlfriend, not her dad, even if her dad is a axe-wielding possessive psychopath. The dad is a minor obstacle. The girlfriend is a very dear person. It is okay to nuke contininent or two or kill few billions of people for the sake of girlfriend, because her wishes and her happiness is important. Her dad, however, isn't worth the attention and should stay clear. 2. "Daddy comes first" sounds awfully ambiguous and has some unintended(?) overtones. You might want to rephrase.
DocBastard 40
Unlike many people here, I always think my comments through and say exactly why I mean. Dad was there first, and the relationship between a daughter and father is often very strong. So when a boy hurts a girl, a good dad feels that pain and would want to mete that pain upon the offender. Get it now? Good. I'm glad we had this chance to talk. Run along now.
CharresBarkrey 16
EvilUndead, you have very clearly never been in a relationship with a girl. If her dad is important to her, he should be important to you. And honestly, the rest of your comment suggests you need some serious mental help.
EvilUndead 9
78, I also think my comments through. 0. There are people that dear to me, the rest is cannon fodder - they can die and rot. 1. The girlfriend is one of those important people, her dad is not. 2. Threating on the first meeting puts her dad into "brainless idiot I have to deal with" category. If her boyfriend has more brain than retarded inbred snail, he simply will ignore those idle threats and continue doing whatever he wants with his with his girlfriend - because people that let emotions control their actions are near-sighted and can be tricked easily. People like this dad are ones that are frequently unaware that their children are doing something dangerous (like drugs), or hang with a bad company. Besides idle death threat is something to laugh at - there are far more horryfying things in the world. Conclusion: if you truly care about your children, use your damn brain instead of letting your emotions control you. Talk to the guy, instead of trying to threaten him in submission.
CharresBarkrey 16
I think the issue here is cultural differences. I can tell from your typing that English is not your first language. Regardless of your location and ethnicity, I think we can all agree that fathers will protect their daughters no matter what. Threats or not, they're protective.
DocBastard 40
EvilUndead, I only see one brainless idiot here, and that's the one suggesting that a girl's father is unimportant and that you should just do "whatever you want" with the girl. The man's threat is simply a reminder. Civilised people don't go around killing people, but we do say things like this when we want people to understand we're serious. You must be young, immature, and clueless. If you're not young, then you're just immature and clueless. Just wait until you have children of your own, and then maybe you'll understand what I'm talking about.
fury1031 10
What kind of messed up relationship do you have with your daughter?
EvilUndead 9
93, yes, dads do want to protect their children, but it doesn't mean a dad should behave like rabid dog - attacking everything that tries to approach his daughter.
EvilUndead 9
94, As far as I can tell, you're the one clueless here. Ever seen "abusive/alcoholic father" or "divorced parents"? That's fairly common. If there's a dad, it doesn't mean he is worth shit by default, no matter what he thinks. If his daughter likes him, then it would make sense to be polite and maintain neutral relations. If his daughter doesn't like him, then he can die in the ditch.
CharresBarkrey 16
100 - I think we're assuming that in cases where the boyfriend is invited to meet the father, the daughter has a generally good relationship with him. If he wasn't important to her, there would be no reason for them to meet.
EvilUndead 9
102, I think you should re-check all those fmls that start with "today I introduced my boyfriend/girlfriend to my pareents for the first time and my mom/dad did something rude/terrible".
Alycat6363 15
96, take it from a girl, my dad is very important to me. He would be one to make a comment like that because he's a cop. If the guy I was dating made comments like you have about my dad, I'd kick his ass to the curb.
fury1031 10
So, how long have you been single? Your entire life?
Alycat6363 15
109, who? Me? No, I just don't care to date idiots.
fury1031 10
So, every guy is an idiot to you or none of the good ones take too kindly to your dad threatening them?
EvilUndead 9
105, you're a single girl out of 7 billions of people so your opinion makes no statistical difference. Besides, you live in another country. Regardless, my point was that even if you're a parent, you should keep your emotions in check. If you can't, you are not qualified to be a parent and your actions will hurt your children badly. "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions" they say. I think more people should be made aware of Murphy's law. People that can't keep emotions in check do stupid things and can be tricked/manipulated. Let's say angry dad scares away a boyfriend or two. It means that next boyfriend won't meet him in person, but will get her "princess" pregnant and then abandon her - because decent guys stay away from trouble (her dad), while not so decent guys simply don't give a sh*t about him. Physical wounds heal, and certain people aren't even afraid of dying - they simply don't care. Such "fierce" protection gives you illusion that you have situation under control, while in reality you don't. You don't have her entire life under control, and there are things you won't know about her. Such dad might think "I met her boyfriend today and I showed him!". Yeah, he showed him that he's an idiot and gave him a reason to stop dating his daughter. You see, a guy that has already an established job/career (i.e. good possible groom from purely materialistic point of view) doesn't normally have enough time to deal with yet another stupid asshole. Another thing is that hostile action will negatively affect daughter's trust. Without trust you won't learn when your daughter is in trouble. As a result when she gets in trouble, that'll be your fault - because you tried to protect her too much. There are many other things to say, but I think for any decent parent that uses his brain sometimes they should be fairly obvious.
X_Codes 11
@115 - You clearly have no ******* idea what you're talking about. If a "scary" father figure is all it takes to scare off a guy, then he's not a decent person, he's a coward that didn't really give a shit about the daughter in the first place. Seriously, turn off your internet and leave it that way until your balls drop, kid. All you're contributing here is noise pollution.
SillyGirl4602 23
My father is very important to me. My boyfriend has the same family values that I have. If he didn't give a shit about my father and never tried getting to know him then I'd break up with him.
EvilUndead 9
122, I go where I please, and I please where I go. If you don't know how to argue/discuss, leave the internet till you finally grow a brain.
klimpomppp 9
70-i dont think you realise just how much of a figure docbastard Is in the comments
EvilUndead 9
145, Appeal to authority => classical logical fallacy.
Lionesse 15
Fury, let me put it in simpler terms for you. I am glad my Daddy is there to beat the shit out of any guy who dares to hurt me. At least I know, that if I come home crying, I have someone there. But the best thing of all, I won't need my Dad to make the threats because I can take care of myself thanks to the training my Dad has provided to me. I like to think of him as a safety net. He's always there to catch me when I make a mistake and fall. You just don't understand a relationship of a Father and Daughter. My Dad tells me all the time that I can be 56 years old but I always will be his princess. While It irritates me sometimes that he is overprotective, I thank the skies that I have him. I never once saw him as a mentally unstable person.
EvilUndead 9
153, There's a line between being a safety net or being an overprotective asshole. There's no indication that the person in this FML is even remotely similar to your dad. Also there's no reason to think that your happy relationship with your dad represent standard father-daughter relationship. In other words - if a dad threatens his daughter's boyfriend on the first meeting, it doesn't mean he's a good father similar to yours. By murphy's law it'll be safe to assume that this person is an idiot that can't keep his emotions in check.
CharresBarkrey 16
Evil - I really think you should look up Murphy's Law. You keep using it, but incorrectly. Also, Murphy's Law is not a set fact that happens all the time. It's simply a way to explain how bad things happen. Good things can and DO happen.
stargirl_95 24
I don't think that you understand what Murphy's Law is. Murphy's Law is a law that states that anything that can go wrong, will. Example: you're ridiculously late for an important meeting and your car won't start. Get it? Now please stop using terms if you don't know what they mean.
TheNewGuy03 29
EvilUndead went wrong. He should probably disappear.
fritos712 6
Make that bitch cry
Lionesse 15
Um.. He should not make her cry.. Not unless he still wants to retain his manhood.
Da_burn 6
At least he didn't bring out the shotgun...well for now anyway.
skyeyez9 25
OP, if you have a daughter, you will feel the same way. Fathers are very protective of their daughters.
Corrupt_waffles 13
If only this was true...
BellaBelle_fml 23
62 - It IS true, in most cases anyway, when the father and daughter have a good and close relationship with each other. And that's how it should be in every case. Unfortunately, it's not always the case. It saddens my heart to know that there are fathers out there who do more harm to their daughters than good. I am very blessed to have a wonderful relationship with my Poppy, we are like best buddies and always have been. Same with my Maja and I. It seems to me that maybe your comment is due to a rocky relationship with your own father. If so, then I am genuinely sorry about that. Please know that not all fathers are bad. There are so many wonderful dads out there that do love and protect their children at all costs, and I would like to think that most fathers are like that. If that is not the case for you, then why did you say what you did?
Corrupt_waffles 13
I meant I really did wish a lot more fathers were protective and there. It sucks having to grow up with no father. He had so many chances to be in my life and he chose not to. I think OP's girlfriend is lucky. Almost everyone I know have absent fathers.