Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML
Today, things were getting heated with my boyfriend and I told him that I was finally ready to lose my virginity. Clearly he couldn't wait to get started because he fell asleep. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML
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Top comments
Zebidee 9
OK, I know views on abstinence before marriage varies, but to my mind, YDI huge. If neither of you were virgins, and you were planning on getting married, the idea that you wouldn't have sex just strikes me as bizarre, with this being one of the main reasons. It's going to be a long fifty years.
sam1984_fml 0
*you're welcome (you're welcome! :D)
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Comments (134)
twaumat 28
now u can practice and get better loll
zargon 1
"Basically, it could be dumbed down to this: "I'll sum it up for you idiots. Bla bla Make more sense now, moron?"" I said "comprehensionally-challenged", which logically follows from failing at simple comprehension. If you choose to equate that with "idiots" that's your own prerogative, but that's a judgement *you* are making, not me. "So then, everytime you correct anyone, or when you argue with someone about something you find wrong, does it mean you think you know how they should behave better than they do?" I never said any such thing, nor does it follow from anything I've said. When you tell somebody that they should act differently then you are necessarily telling them that you know better than they how they should behave. It's exactly what you are doing. ""Is that for you to decide? Sure, I can't tell you what to do. I can say what I think though" Looks like I'm not the only one who needs comprehension lessons." How does that betray any failing of comprehension on my part? Call it an opinion or what you think all you want, you are still telling me that I should act differently. The only difference between "you should X" and "I think you should do X" is that the latter is pussy-footing so you can try and pull crap like "I'm not telling you what to do". And, please, I never said you're just like me. *I* at least have the stones to admit what I am.
fthku 13
Acting as if you DIDN'T "tower" over the original thread starter is childish. You can say it was my interpretation, but your entire comment was just snobbing over Rainbow_dumpster, and it's even more clear with your follow-up comment to me. OK, where in the nine hells did I tell you how to act or how to behave? When I told you to get over yourself? When I said you're not here to teach anyone? No, that does not equate to telling you what to do. If I said "Shut the **** up and stop snobbing people", that would be telling you what to do. If I say you're not here to teach anyone, that statement is true, as that is not the purpose of neither the FML's (Though one WOULD be advised to learn from the mistakes), nor the comments. You tell me to check your profile and be enlightened. I find that insulting, as if you are this grand being and I should witness your great wisdom (as I am apparently inferior to you), and so I responded. You want to just throw around your condescending, pretencious bullshit and not expect a reply? Go live in a cave and "enlighten" some rats. Just in case you'll jump on this opportunity to yet again claim I am telling you what to do - no, I am *not* actually telling you what to do, I am saying you can't say the things you say, in the WAY you say them, and not expect a reply.
hapahaole85 0
ouch...
j0eStER 0
******* assholes who says, "wow you're bad at sex, even though you're a virgin." That's where you learn from mistakes and takes about 2 tries? God I hope this comment of mine doesn't make girls think I suck in bed. ;)
AnneFTW 17
So.. After your wedding night with the man you love, he tells you that's the worst sex he's ever had? Even if it was absolutely awful, you'd never say that on your first day of marriage! You'd never say that to your partner full stop! That's probably the nastiest thing he could've said to you - probably ruined your entire honeymoon. He obviously doesn't care about you, because it's a common fact that sex with the person you love is the best. Is he narcissistic or something? Obviously he'd want to try and improve the sex, but there are more subtle ways than that - all he did was make you upset.
ashrandom 0
Well when you haven't had sex in a while...
RezLynn325 0
Just get him to tell you what he likez :)
KateKiddo 6
This is why you NEED premarital sex. xDD
randombitches1 0
haha!!!!!!!win
keilah 4
Well at least if he's willing to say that it might mean you can talk about it - find out what he didn't like and try to work on it. Often the first time for a couple isn't that great, especially if it comes right after the stress of a wedding.
keilah 4
Agree. Don't necessarily write him off for it, just remember it. Clearly there is a context that can't be fit into the space of the FML and only the OP knows what it is, so I just hope she evaluates the situation as it plays out with an eye for her safety.