Today, I'm studying abroad in Russia, and I lost my keys to my dorm room. In the office I asked for a spare and she spoke really fast so I couldn't hear her. Assuming I don't speak Russian, she gets on the phone and calls maintenance saying, "There is this ugly girl about to cry... come fix it." FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I lost my keys. My roommate locked me out, then yelled at me when I made her come home to let me in. I tore my room apart searching for them, and even went out to search my locker room. When I got home, I glanced at my wall only to find my keys hanging on the hook I set up specifically for them. FML
Today, I went to take a shower, but forgot my towel and dorm key in my room. After my shower, I had to run down to the front desk butt-naked, using only a shampoo bottle as cover, and ask for a temporary key. The person running the front desk was my ex-girlfriend’s current boyfriend. FML
Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML
Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML
Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML
Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML
Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML
Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to visit. We went to a cafe where I managed to lock myself in the toilet, breaking the key. I then had to wait for them to break down the door. I came out to applause from everyone, who had been laughing at me for 25 minutes. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
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Top comments
SilverXeno 0
In Soviet Russia, you don't lose keys. KEYS LOSE YOU!
WFMS 0
you should of said " the ugly girl can hear you" in Russian to her
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Comments (170)
robodoll 0
What a bitch!!!
gnomester 0
im Russian living in America and I'm an asshole... lets review why. Since American chick's love my accent im always getting hit on, me opening my mouth is enough to get a girl wet. Considering the fact that most hot girls like guys who are assholes i began acting and dressing like a total douche. Now im going out with our highschool's prom queen.... life is good when your a russian asshole :)
dolphingirl 0
hahahaha, life is good because you're dating a prom queen? High schoolers are so cute. You do realize that when you get closer to the real world or even college you're going to be one in a sea of douchebags. Enjoy it while it lasts, no one cares about that shit.
twist_n_shout 0
DISCLAIMER: this self-proclaimed douche bag is in no way a good representative of what Russian people are really like!
notlovingit 0
ha well im sorry but u know how we russian girls are: HOT so she's used to it.... ))
ILoveJace01 0
I would've said something back to her in Russian.
russianSpy 0
so many russians on this site is niiiice
russianSpy 0
# 85 u are pretty funny, i just got it lol!!! wish u wrote it in better russian ; )
missbubbly101 0
That's really mean!!
texaswildflower 0
I hope every single one of you creeps who said "you deserve it for being ugly" consider that you WILL get old someday. And people will consider you ugly.
FarSide 23
While that might be true, how do you know the OP is not 18? If you are ugly at 18, then you will be D-Double Ugly at 50.
texaswildflower 0
I was assuming the OP is young, since she is a student. And she probably isn't ugly, either. And you're a dick. But you will get old.
FarSide 23
You did not know until today that you were ugly?
FarSide 23
No one gets fired in Russia. You get shot, or have plutonium sprayed on your salad.
Saluton 18
Well, that comment really is a bit too far fetched, despite what I said below.