Intimacy: Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I... - FML

By Lou Czar - 07/01/2009 23:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 751

You deserved it 81 103

Leave us alone

BO Central

Skipped

By uh-oh - 25/03/2012 05:49 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 521

You deserved it 3 710

By thatguy - 25/06/2011 07:47 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 643

You deserved it 2 973

By branded - 14/05/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 429

You deserved it 60 516

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 07:24 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 173

You deserved it 5 128

By braceforcarnage - 02/12/2014 15:42 - United States

Today, I got broken up with. In a text message. She texted my grandma, who then had to forward said text to me. I got broken up via grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 920

You deserved it 3 153

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 19:04 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 412

You deserved it 10 738

By S.Bunny - 22/01/2010 08:14 - United States

Today, I found out that when you hit the neighbor's dog with your car, they might chase you a mile with a shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 947

You deserved it 44 407

This Is Us

By Anonymous - 04/11/2021 16:59

Today, I located my birth dad and asked him why I was put into care. Turns out my mom died, and since he hadn’t wanted me in the first place, he just gave me away and hoped to never see me again. He didn’t even invite me in, he threw a beer at me and threatened to call the cops unless I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 179

Better off out

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 02:02

Today, I was fired because I spoke up about a supervisor mistreating me. The assistant VP spent the meeting demeaning me to “teach me a lesson” and then said she was firing me because I “stirred the pot." Man, I really loved that job but I won’t miss the toxic work culture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 65

By leonuniz - 19/04/2015 16:34 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 436

You deserved it 5 097

By Gary - 16/07/2019 20:30

Today, after countless failed rejections and derision from women, I've realized that the only time I experience any sort of happiness is when I'm eating. They say there's someone out there for all of us, but maybe that's not true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 246

By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, my little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 639

You deserved it 7 110

By Stupidhuman - 13/04/2017 13:02 - United States - Sparta

Today, I noticed my cat was about to vomit on the rug and yelled at her to move. She spooked and managed to throw up while running. I still had to clean up the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 485

You deserved it 2 148

Fragile

By Stigmamma - 15/08/2020 20:02

Today, my husband said he felt "dizzy from blood loss" after his nose started "pissing blood." After I said the tiny drop of blood from his split second nose bleed wouldn't cause dizziness, he got mad at me for "attacking his masculinity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 198

By JWhite - 24/11/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 051

You deserved it 2 649

By pinecones - 02/02/2015 14:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 558

You deserved it 14 757

By hurtinrealbad - 16/10/2012 17:25 - United States - Tempe

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 037

You deserved it 1 964

By unknown - 24/01/2010 15:27 - France

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 144

You deserved it 4 788

By Eric Ngan - 12/05/2012 16:01 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 177

You deserved it 2 137

By thebickster - 06/03/2009 17:58 - United States

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 538

You deserved it 49 653

Wealth

By Anonymous - 06/09/2021 13:59

Today, after about 8 hours of working and making huge orders, I received my share of tips. It was only a quarter. One single quarter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 452

You deserved it 94 431

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 11:10 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 459

You deserved it 7 453

By Kim422 - 28/06/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 910

You deserved it 4 582

By Anonymous - 30/07/2019 22:00

Today, I got to a patient having a seizure and was approached by a bystander who said to me, "I have pharmaceutical grade essential oils, and they recommend Frankincense for seizures." Thank you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 113

By dontgothere - 23/02/2014 04:40 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he started laughing. I still don't know what he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 424

You deserved it 6 684

By sam - 15/12/2010 20:11 - United States

Today, I got a text just before class that my partner didn't finish their half of our 30 page research paper because "That class is stupid". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 772

You deserved it 4 081

By sad45 - 15/03/2009 05:09 - Canada

Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 263

You deserved it 10 117

By ReboundGrl - 23/05/2016 18:44 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 759

You deserved it 1 403

By Anonymous - 24/07/2014 21:23 - United States - Annandale

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 397

You deserved it 17 904

By beya - 31/08/2009 22:05 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 884

You deserved it 5 846

By herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 801

You deserved it 11 573

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 07:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 712

You deserved it 10 144

By Anonymous - 29/09/2014 12:06 - United States - Vallejo

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 461

You deserved it 4 656

By Brad - 08/03/2009 05:33 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 142

You deserved it 7 488

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 05:30 - Canada - Campbell River

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 039

You deserved it 5 356

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 17:39 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 523

You deserved it 41 743

By really? - 23/09/2013 02:24 - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 945

You deserved it 4 387

By szinna - 07/06/2009 19:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 968

You deserved it 6 759

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 20:36 - United States - Denver

Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 900

You deserved it 1 614

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:12

dude. f*** you both! just tell each other that you don't wanna be together! jesus, is it that hard to say no to someone???

Send a private message

Sunday 8 March 2009 6:45

So you're both assholes. Just break up. : Don't cheat, break up! That should be your new motto...

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 1 March 2009 3:11

...I think that would've been time to end things.

Send a private message

Sunday 8 January 2012 13:06

"Fuck you bitch" to the person who made the site in the first place!

Send a private message

Tuesday 9 April 2013 22:14

"I didn't know that you like pina coladas..."

kryxen 14

Send a private message

Saturday 11 May 2013 2:28

#89 I was going to say that! Lol.

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 August 2014 4:16

I don't even get why the OP is complaining. He can't be upset that his GF was about to cheat because he was doing the same thing. And it doesn't matter that he was caught because SHE was doing the same

Rebey 6

Send a private message

Sunday 2 November 2014 23:14

I had no idea that their was a dating website for cheaters. They all probably get together and then breakup because the both cheated.

Send a private message

Monday 2 March 2009 22:56

awww @ #2!

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:12

dude. f*** you both! just tell each other that you don't wanna be together! jesus, is it that hard to say no to someone???

Send a private message

Saturday 3 March 2012 6:08

Totally agree

Send a private message

Wednesday 10 June 2015 8:58

I don't knowwwww. I think two cheating assholes deserve eachother. Saves someone who is faithful from meeting one of them and eliminates that potential heartbreak from ever occurring!

mikuxxhatsune 31

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 13:47

As long as they don't reproduce its fine. Cheating assholes can stick together.

Send a private message

Sunday 8 March 2009 6:45

So you're both assholes. Just break up. : Don't cheat, break up! That should be your new motto...

Send a private message

Friday 13 March 2009 1:35

how do two disgusting people find eachother?

matchstick1029 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 August 2010 19:51

evidently on this site : -/

pinkfrenchrose 5

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 4:09

Serves you right.

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 6:39

match made in heave

kawaiipanda11 7

Send a private message

Monday 29 June 2015 8:36

you misspelled hell

Send a private message

Thursday 19 March 2009 4:45

#11 should've ended in "n" I got your back, ddr. And i also agree.. cheaters should just pair up so they dont ruin everyone else's lives

Send a private message

Thursday 19 March 2009 7:23

Total Pina Colada moment there!

Send a private message

Friday 20 March 2009 5:27

Gimme a k.......K! gimme an a......A! gimme an r.......R! gimma an m......M! gimme an a.......A! WHAT DOES THAT SPELL? K-A-R-M-A!!!!!

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 June 2010 1:35

that was gay

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 170

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 2 744