Miscellaneous: Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped... - FML

By Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

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Taking stock

Workaholic

My body, my choice

By Emmpag - South Africa - Johannesburg

And then.....

Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML

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By - France

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, a girl introduced herself to me with the line, "Hi, I'm Anna. I have a boyfriend." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Riverside

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

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By fartwoman - United States

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

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By loz4151336 - 3/3/2020 12:06

Criminal minds at their best

Today, my friends wanted to try to dine and dash at a McDonald's. I had to explain why that wouldn't work. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my Christian boyfriend of six months broke up with me. I had told him when we started dating that I was an atheist, and he just now decided to look up what it is. He gave me a bible. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went to an Honors Convocation for my school. I received a letter a few weeks earlier telling me I received an award. Surprised and proud, I invited my family to join me to see what award I was receiving. I couldn't find my name in the program. I was invited by mistake. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mountain Home

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

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By TheOtherWoman - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

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By Foxy - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex. I also found out that my family doctor had been transferred to the ER. He went to play golf with my dad later. FML

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By AGluckily - United States

Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML

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By scorned_jacketless_lady - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

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By lefthandspanker - United States - Craig

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

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By Mortified - 31/3/2020 14:00

On the can

Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML

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By Chris - Ireland

Today, I jumped into a pile of snow which had built up against a wall. Turns out it wasn't snow but a pile of cement covered by an inch of snow. I now have a 3 inch cut along my leg and a sprained wrist from falling. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 16:58

Two rooms, two atmospheres

Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML

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By Karmaisabitch - United States - Boulder

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

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By POP101 - Canada

Today, there was this girl in heels running in front of me at school, and she slipped on ice. Trying to be a hero, I dropped my backpack and ran up to help her, but ended up slipping and landing on her leg. As I walked back to my backpack, I found out I dropped my laptop and broke it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

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By Squishy - United Kingdom

Today, my loving boyfriend told me that he wanted to go to the cinema with the girl he loves. The other girl he loves, but don't worry it's "not" a date. FML

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By Single and wigless

Today, I was on a FaceTime call with a guy I like and my cat, out of nowhere, attacks my head and snatches my wig off. FML

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By gRRRrr - United States

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. We're currently sharing a room on a cruise ship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

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By Upset - United States - Santa Clara

Today, after finding out that my professor likes to talk trash about, and constantly belittle, Muslims in every American History class he teaches, I submitted an essay about Muslim contributions to humanity. He held me back after class and asked why I gave him such filth. I'm a Muslim. FML

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By Gamergirl137 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

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By BrokeAF

Today, I eagerly applied for a high-salary, fully supportive graduate program that I qualified for. There were 5 steps in the application process. I was turned down after the first one. FML

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By Synonymous_Rex - United States - Thousand Oaks

Today, I went to gather the laundry out of the dryer. My daughter had seen my wife put bleach in the washer, so she decided that honey in the dryer would make the clothes smell sweet. She wasn't wrong, but now I have a giant ball of sticky socks and underwear. FML

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By AbsentMindedGal - United States

Today, I stopped at the gas station to fill up my tank and get some snacks. I paid the cashier, then got back into my car, totally forgetting to pump the $50 worth of fuel I'd just prepaid for. Too bad I didn't realize until my car came to a sputtering stop about a mile down the road. FML

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By my poor eyes - 15/2/2021 16:01 - United States - Danville

Can't be unseen

Today, I found out the hard way that my 74-year-old dad sometimes wakes up early and washes dishes. Sounds great, except sometimes he likes to do so with nothing on from the waist down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, due to my lagging browser, I accidentally "liked" a status my friend made about the deterioration of her relationship. Then, the computer froze, making it impossible to "unlike" it immediately. My friend won't accept that it was a mistake. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Waco

Today, after putting in 110% at my shitty job for two years straight, my boss told me point-blank I'm too good in my current position for him to ever be able to justify promoting me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

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By Hannah - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

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By dk14

Today, my girlfriend's dad let me borrow his car for transportation to work because mine got totaled. This car is a complete dump and I've realized he's only letting me use it so it's my fault to fix the broken things on the car. So far, I've had to replace the battery and two popped tires. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work, a man came in wearing a very elaborate cowboy ensemble and went to talk to one of my coworkers. Once he left, I asked her how she knew a gay cowboy. She then explained that he's actually a farmer and her husband of ten years. FML

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By Rowaelin16 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten minutes into it, I dropped a 10-pound dumbbell on my face. I now have a horrific looking black eye, and half of my cheek is a mottled green color. Not to mention the cut above my eye that needed 4 stitches. FML

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By tacolove69 - United States

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

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Top comments

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400727 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

BOOM HEADSHOT (sorry if this was posted more than once..)

By unmadebed | 0

#1400731 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:12

pow right in the kisser.=]

COMMENTS

By jsmith16 | 0

#1400692 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:03

damn yo that sucks.

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1400769 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:22

You probably accidently pressed the "deploy" button on the remote.
It happens.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1401026 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:26

yes this happened to me except I pressed the ejector seat on my unicorn

Reply

yeeder1 | 0

#1401059 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:34

LOL 26

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1401097 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:43

OP- You deserve it...so suck one...

Reply

acccccccc | 1

#1401197 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:59

26 that sounds like it happens often to you...

Reply

marlaineeeee | 0

#1401492 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:01

HAHAHAHAH!! FYL OP. but that is seriously funny as helllll!

Reply

SLKBlack96 | 5

#1401615 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:44

I thought it was going to say "and crushed the remote."

Reply

psuboy | 0

#1401772 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:05

ydi for programing your lazy boy to your universal remote

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1401861 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:26

26 is badass

Reply

LoganBballin16 | 0

#1402052 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 4:25

Boom Headshot!! haha jk op that sucks but I want to know how it happened.. the way you typed it leaves much to question..

Reply

MyChemical_fml | 0

#1402216 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:21

To the face, to the face! Ahahah.. Tjeb is awesome :D.

Reply

rallets | 22

#1402227 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:25

in the face, IN THE FACE!!!

By Annihilator | 0

#1400699 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:05

YDI! o(^▽^)o

Reply

FootballFreak4 | 3

#1402327 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:54

cus he said so

Reply

bean_dip21 | 0

#1402730 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 7:39

What is this, Disney Channel? BLAM!

By roaminginsomniac | 0

#1400703 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:06

That's gotta hurt.

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400709 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:07

haha owww...

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400727 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

BOOM HEADSHOT (sorry if this was posted more than once..)

By YupImBack | 0

#1400729 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

Dumbass..... all I gotta say.

Reply

Annihilator | 0

#1400781 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:23

From the looks of it you're one too.

Reply

xWTF_FML_FTWx | 1

#1400999 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:21

HAHAHA LOLROFLLMAO at #13

By unmadebed | 0

#1400731 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:12

pow right in the kisser.=]

Reply

someblackguy | 3

#1401078 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:39

lmfaooo

Reply

rallets | 22

#1402243 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:28

lmao ahh i remember that from american dad

Reply

shona_fml | 0

#1402439 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 6:19

actually that's from family guy...

By Poepiepiesie | 3

#1400737 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:14

Ydi for completely missing looney tunes and not being aware of those hidden dangers.

Reply

KaptainKupkake | 1

#2974953 - Monday 25 July 2011 22:39

Hahaha, Looney Toons taught me the dangers of life.

By FFML_314 | 11

#1400746 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:16

Recliners are evil. Very evil.
I would get rid of that chair, while you still can.

By jkgfdxb | 0

#1400784 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:25

at least you didn't get a busted lip or black eye