Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped... - FML

By Joplin - 13/9/2010 19:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

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White line fever

DINOSAURS!!

Or he's just becoming an old goober

By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML

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By "jojolovesyou134" - 31/3/2019 14:00 - Australia

Today, I decided to stand up to my bosses for making me lose money and work with heat stroke... while my co worker got to go home early I had to work 2 hours later. Turns out I got a supervisor in trouble for making me work when there was help allocated. Now I have to walk on eggshells, FML

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By jadakorn - 11/7/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

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By GirlinGreen - 30/4/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

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By hot4donny - 12/11/2010 02:40 - United States

Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2015 12:58 - United States - Newtown Square

Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML

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By Jocelyn - 18/2/2019 12:00

Today, I got stressed and well, let's just say I got carried away, pulled off most of my eyelashes on one eye, and now I have to find falsies that look real. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2013 19:19 - Botswana - Francistown

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

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By Jenny - 28/12/2017 15:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I discovered the importance of having sex before marriage. We found out that my husband is gay on our wedding night. FML

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By L_lives - 30/5/2015 05:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2015 14:50 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my father passed away. I called my boss to let him know about the situation. His only response before hanging up: "Shit, dude. Well, I'll see you in the morning, these reports won't write themselves." FML

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By nightDREAMERms - 23/4/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2018 15:00

Today, I came out as transgender to my extremely accepting and religious family over Facebook. My feed is currently flooded with plans for my exorcism. FML

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By Brrrb - 5/3/2009 05:22 - Singapore

Today, I passed by a small shop and decided to go in to look at the jeans. Before I could even step in, the shop owner told me expressionlessly, "All the sizes here are too small for you". FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2013 18:10 - United States - Miami

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

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By amm - 12/11/2018 13:30

Today, my boyfriend started tickling me relentlessly. I am extremely ticklish and accidentally kicked him in the shin whilst squirming. He’s now trying to get me arrested for assault. FML

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By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Running gag

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

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By ellieowenie - 29/7/2012 08:11 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

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By Fml - 12/4/2013 05:05 - United States - Lynn

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

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By Unknown - 9/2/2010 05:50 - United States

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

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By notenough - 29/8/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

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By ShowerStar - 15/8/2012 21:14 - United States - Mequon

Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2013 23:54 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2019 19:00 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, going to my psychiatrist's appointment for my PTSD and depression, my mother yelled about how useless I am and how I torture her existence with my "abnormalities." She told the doctor how much I've improved and become such a delight at home for her and our family. FML

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By firemansam - 12/12/2011 11:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

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By jina - 18/3/2009 03:48 - Korea Republic of

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

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By Taylor - 30/7/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend decided to sing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2015 07:06 - United States

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

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By rook - 9/1/2012 09:08 - United States

Today, my parents tried to convince me to get a divorce. My wife and I are perfectly fine. FML

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By Slipperywhenwet - 28/2/2009 13:08 - United States

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

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By Bambusmaster - 13/9/2018 18:50

Sobering.

Today, I'm on vacation with my best friends. We went to a club and I drunk texted my girlfriend of 1 year about how nice everything is and how much I miss her. She responded by breaking up with me because she likes me more as a friend. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

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By Drafrica - 13/10/2014 10:20 - South Africa

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

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By awwimanahole - 4/7/2013 05:07 - United States - Palmetto

Today, I needed a change of clothes, so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shirt with a toucan on the front and Mexico City spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shirt, and she started crying. Turns out she bought it for me as a present from her trip. FML

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By no more flips - 17/5/2015 14:05 - United States - Columbus

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

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By Greatgrandpa - 30/11/2014 17:29 - Curacao

Today, my only child introduced his new girlfriend to me. He is 36 and has no children. She is 46 and has a pregnant daughter who she is very close with. I don't know if I'll ever be a grandfather, but in any case, my son is going to be one before me. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2012 20:30 - United States

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

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By nataliepaige - 19/7/2011 04:43 - Canada

Today, I fell asleep while watching an action movie. My newly installed surround sound system scared me so bad that I fell off the couch and smashed my face on our coffee table. FML

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By today - 17/3/2010 06:12

Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML

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Top comments

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400727 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

BOOM HEADSHOT (sorry if this was posted more than once..)

By unmadebed | 0

#1400731 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:12

pow right in the kisser.=]

Comments

By jsmith16 | 0

#1400692 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:03

damn yo that sucks.

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1400769 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:22

You probably accidently pressed the "deploy" button on the remote.
It happens.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1401026 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:26

yes this happened to me except I pressed the ejector seat on my unicorn

Reply

yeeder1 | 0

#1401059 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:34

LOL 26

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1401097 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:43

OP- You deserve it...so suck one...

Reply

acccccccc | 1

#1401197 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:59

26 that sounds like it happens often to you...

Reply

marlaineeeee | 0

#1401492 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:01

HAHAHAHAH!! FYL OP. but that is seriously funny as helllll!

Reply

SLKBlack96 | 5

#1401615 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:44

I thought it was going to say "and crushed the remote."

Reply

psuboy | 0

#1401772 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:05

ydi for programing your lazy boy to your universal remote

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1401861 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:26

26 is badass

Reply

LoganBballin16 | 0

#1402052 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 4:25

Boom Headshot!! haha jk op that sucks but I want to know how it happened.. the way you typed it leaves much to question..

Reply

MyChemical_fml | 0

#1402216 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:21

To the face, to the face! Ahahah.. Tjeb is awesome :D.

Reply

rallets | 22

#1402227 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:25

in the face, IN THE FACE!!!

By Annihilator | 0

#1400699 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:05

YDI! o(^▽^)o

Reply

FootballFreak4 | 3

#1402327 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:54

cus he said so

Reply

bean_dip21 | 0

#1402730 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 7:39

What is this, Disney Channel? BLAM!

By roaminginsomniac | 0

#1400703 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:06

That's gotta hurt.

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400709 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:07

haha owww...

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400727 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

BOOM HEADSHOT (sorry if this was posted more than once..)

By YupImBack | 0

#1400729 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

Dumbass..... all I gotta say.

Reply

Annihilator | 0

#1400781 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:23

From the looks of it you're one too.

Reply

xWTF_FML_FTWx | 1

#1400999 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:21

HAHAHA LOLROFLLMAO at #13

By unmadebed | 0

#1400731 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:12

pow right in the kisser.=]

Reply

someblackguy | 3

#1401078 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:39

lmfaooo

Reply

rallets | 22

#1402243 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:28

lmao ahh i remember that from american dad

Reply

shona_fml | 0

#1402439 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 6:19

actually that's from family guy...

By Poepiepiesie | 3

#1400737 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:14

Ydi for completely missing looney tunes and not being aware of those hidden dangers.

Reply

KaptainKupkake | 1

#2974953 - Monday 25 July 2011 22:39

Hahaha, Looney Toons taught me the dangers of life.

By FFML_314 | 11

#1400746 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:16

Recliners are evil. Very evil.
I would get rid of that chair, while you still can.

By jkgfdxb | 0

#1400784 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:25

at least you didn't get a busted lip or black eye