Miscellaneous: Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped... - FML

By Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

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Messed up

Sorry…

The geyser

By motherlessbride - United States

Today, my husband finally admitted to his mother he'd got married. No wonder she wasn't involved with the wedding. FML

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By klaatu barada nikto - United States - Des Moines

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

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By CityBoysNow - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

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By Weedle

Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous

Gentrification strikes !

Today, I actually can't choose what's worse, hearing my direct neighbour having really loud sex on a regular basis, including furniture breaking, or hearing people cheering and playing the piano in the same room. Upper-class fantasy? FML

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By hazyshadows - United States - Edmond

Too many cooks, etc.

Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

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By me - United States

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML

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By inthesticks - United States - Orlando

Today, I was cleaning off my couch so my nephew could crash here for a few nights. It's been so long since we've sat on it that it is now inhabited by rats we didn't know were in the house, including newly born ones. FML

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By HoboWithACondom

Today, my regressive boss fired me because he found out I'm dating his daughter. Now I'm concerned what he might do if he finds out she's pregnant with my child. FML

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By poked - United States

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML

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By lol123 - Norway

Today, it was the premiere of a huge play I've worked on for months. The latest week we've practised a lot, resulting in little sleep. In one of the scenes I'm just lying there pretending to be asleep. Guess who actually fell asleep? FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2020 05:03 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Some guys have all the luck

Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML

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By Toolmaker

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

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By Rebecca - Australia - Dural

Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML

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By hannamacintosh - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally decided to accept a date proposal from a guy who's had a crush on me for years. I got into his car, and it smelled strongly of my middle school perfume. I went into his bedroom and saw my middle school class photos hanging everywhere. Let's just say I ran home that night. FML

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By oww - United States

Today, I woke up with a bloody nose and my lamp next to me in bed. Apparently I grabbed the cord of the lamp and yanked while I was sleeping, and it fell on my face. The worst part? My boyfriend saw it was going to happen, but didn't stop me because he thought it would be funny to "see my reaction." FML

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By AliKate

Today, my father has finally started to focus on his health to reduce his weight and cholesterol. He has also decided that I'll do it with him. Now, he won't let me eat unless he's there to watch me. He leaves at 7 a.m. and doesn't come home until 9. FML

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By Lady - United States

Today, I had to clean my house to hide the evidence of the party I threw last night. I attempted to clean the puke stain on my carpet while still drunk. I didn't realize until this morning that the All Purpose cleaner I used was actually All Purpose Adhesive. The evidence is now glued to my carpet. FML

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By hawaiianlovechild - United States

Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

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By LittleSprout - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was buying veggies with my five-year-old. She saw some brussel sprouts and begged me to buy them. I thought there was no way she'd like them, but I do, so I got them. Later, she was sitting on the couch eating them raw like candy. I have a weird kid. FML

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By waj9876 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore - Singapore

Today, at my job at the mall, our music malfunctioned and now will only play the same three songs over and over again. Our manager won't let us turn it off because "the customers won't notice". FML

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By Maiar - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML

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By Ali (New York) - United States

Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

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By sunflowercake - Canada

Today, I made a very pretty sunflower cake that I woke up incredibly early to make. It took me hours and a lot of money. It was for my grandparents anniversary and my whole family was invited. We only got to see the remains because the waiter gave it to the wrong family, and they ate it. FML

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By Johannes_712

Today, my brother is getting married to my crush of 7 years. To make that even worse, they're moving in with me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mcdonough

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2020 11:01 - Slovakia - Senec

Whackjobs 'R Us

Today, I realised that 3/4 of my family are prone to believe conspiracies and are anti-Covid freaks. I want to keep our relationships, but every discussion ends in an argument about some conspiracy they believe. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 14:02

That caffeine rush

Today, whilst getting ready, I decided to have a strong coffee. Followed by the runs. My hook up arrives in half an hour. FML

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By annesolmm - France - Paris

Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML

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By lifebecrazed

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

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By - France

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

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By stupidassgeek - Australia - Moonee Ponds

Today, I opened up my laptop to replace a faulty chip inside, which took me half an hour. When I closed it all up again, I saw the replacement part in its packaging on my desk. FML

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By Mike - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

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By ithappenswhenithappens - United States - Gresham

Today, I've been in my old hometown visiting because my sister is having her baby. I scheduled the trip a full week after her due date, and still no baby. We tried everything to start her labor. I had to go back home, and as soon as my plane landed, I got a text saying she just gave birth. FML

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Top comments

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400727 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

BOOM HEADSHOT (sorry if this was posted more than once..)

By unmadebed | 0

#1400731 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:12

pow right in the kisser.=]

COMMENTS

By jsmith16 | 0

#1400692 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:03

damn yo that sucks.

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1400769 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:22

You probably accidently pressed the "deploy" button on the remote.
It happens.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1401026 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:26

yes this happened to me except I pressed the ejector seat on my unicorn

Reply

yeeder1 | 0

#1401059 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:34

LOL 26

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1401097 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:43

OP- You deserve it...so suck one...

Reply

acccccccc | 1

#1401197 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:59

26 that sounds like it happens often to you...

Reply

marlaineeeee | 0

#1401492 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:01

HAHAHAHAH!! FYL OP. but that is seriously funny as helllll!

Reply

SLKBlack96 | 5

#1401615 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:44

I thought it was going to say "and crushed the remote."

Reply

psuboy | 0

#1401772 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:05

ydi for programing your lazy boy to your universal remote

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1401861 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:26

26 is badass

Reply

LoganBballin16 | 0

#1402052 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 4:25

Boom Headshot!! haha jk op that sucks but I want to know how it happened.. the way you typed it leaves much to question..

Reply

MyChemical_fml | 0

#1402216 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:21

To the face, to the face! Ahahah.. Tjeb is awesome :D.

Reply

rallets | 22

#1402227 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:25

in the face, IN THE FACE!!!

By Annihilator | 0

#1400699 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:05

YDI! o(^▽^)o

Reply

FootballFreak4 | 3

#1402327 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:54

cus he said so

Reply

bean_dip21 | 0

#1402730 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 7:39

What is this, Disney Channel? BLAM!

By roaminginsomniac | 0

#1400703 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:06

That's gotta hurt.

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400709 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:07

haha owww...

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400727 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

BOOM HEADSHOT (sorry if this was posted more than once..)

By YupImBack | 0

#1400729 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

Dumbass..... all I gotta say.

Reply

Annihilator | 0

#1400781 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:23

From the looks of it you're one too.

Reply

xWTF_FML_FTWx | 1

#1400999 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:21

HAHAHA LOLROFLLMAO at #13

By unmadebed | 0

#1400731 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:12

pow right in the kisser.=]

Reply

someblackguy | 3

#1401078 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:39

lmfaooo

Reply

rallets | 22

#1402243 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:28

lmao ahh i remember that from american dad

Reply

shona_fml | 0

#1402439 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 6:19

actually that's from family guy...

By Poepiepiesie | 3

#1400737 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:14

Ydi for completely missing looney tunes and not being aware of those hidden dangers.

Reply

KaptainKupkake | 1

#2974953 - Monday 25 July 2011 22:39

Hahaha, Looney Toons taught me the dangers of life.

By FFML_314 | 11

#1400746 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:16

Recliners are evil. Very evil.
I would get rid of that chair, while you still can.

By jkgfdxb | 0

#1400784 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:25

at least you didn't get a busted lip or black eye