Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped... - FML

By Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

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Serious times

Vibe check

Phantom pooper

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my mom doesn't know my phone number, but she does know the names of both of David Hasselhoff's daughters. FML

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By maconda99 - United States

Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML

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By cbarebo - United States

Today, I went in my room to play my guitar. I found my Les Paul on the floor with all the strings missing. I later found out my grandma cut them off because I was playing "Devil's Music." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

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By Sarah - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

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By Jason

Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend bought a smartphone and updated his facebook status with it. Two weeks ago he signed an apartment lease with another friend. Four months ago he bought a new handgun. Seven months ago he bought a new TV. He's owed me $300 for a year and a half. FML

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By divorcee - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML

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By Christin Deason

A Tale of Two Nutritionists

Today, a friend criticized my detox method, calling it "unhealthy and unsafe." Recently, she made a post bragging about her dieting method, which is also very unhealthy and unsafe. I told her she was being a hypocrite. She unfriended and blocked me. FML

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By hornyloser - United States

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

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By "baow"

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently have had bragging the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well guess who got a whiskey dick. FML

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By saraleerocha - France

Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

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By shit - United States

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, everyone at work was demanding I stage a party at my house. I agreed to it and rushed home to tidy up before the guests arrived. No one showed up. FML

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By Bigbaby - United States - Ontario

Today, I decided to be the "cool aunt" and take my nephew to a horror movie. I ended up being so scared, I burst into tears. Nothing says "cool" like having an 11-year-old walk a sobbing, grown woman from a theatre. FML

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By Broke as a joke

Today, I received the bill for my trip to the ER months ago. Almost $1000 for a quick 2.5 hour stay, only to find out that I had bad gas from drinking far too much of the seltzer I had bought on sale. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I tripped and fell through the curtain of the fitting room, topless. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Syracuse

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2020 02:00

It found you

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

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By omfg

Addictive

Today, I was introduced to Minecraft. I haven't blinked in 5 hours. FML

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By piss off - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

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By allennn - France

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

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By oops - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend opened the car door in a very kind and loving way. What wasn't so kind and loving was that my hand was still half-way when he closed it. FML

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By donutsex - United States - Georgetown

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

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By Thanks Fred

Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML

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By tammy999 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a big mac, two large fries, a large drink and 1 case of chicken nuggets. FML

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By CatLady - Canada

Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I fainted because of a condition I have. My husband, who was standing right there, failed to catch me because he didn't want to drop his yogurt. FML

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By Nanny - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML

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By blackvogue - Canada

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

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By greenroses92

Today, I was called stupid by a customer, after I supposedly got his order wrong. He then threw his ice cream cone on the floor, tracked it around the store, and left. While I was cleaning it up, he came back and tripped me right into the mop water, spilling it everywhere. FML

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By tardspawn - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML

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By noantiquesforme - United States - Santa Clara

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

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Top comments

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400727 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

BOOM HEADSHOT (sorry if this was posted more than once..)

By unmadebed | 0

#1400731 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:12

pow right in the kisser.=]

COMMENTS

By jsmith16 | 0

#1400692 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:03

damn yo that sucks.

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1400769 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:22

You probably accidently pressed the "deploy" button on the remote.
It happens.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1401026 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:26

yes this happened to me except I pressed the ejector seat on my unicorn

Reply

yeeder1 | 0

#1401059 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:34

LOL 26

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1401097 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:43

OP- You deserve it...so suck one...

Reply

acccccccc | 1

#1401197 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:59

26 that sounds like it happens often to you...

Reply

marlaineeeee | 0

#1401492 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:01

HAHAHAHAH!! FYL OP. but that is seriously funny as helllll!

Reply

SLKBlack96 | 5

#1401615 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:44

I thought it was going to say "and crushed the remote."

Reply

psuboy | 0

#1401772 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:05

ydi for programing your lazy boy to your universal remote

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1401861 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:26

26 is badass

Reply

LoganBballin16 | 0

#1402052 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 4:25

Boom Headshot!! haha jk op that sucks but I want to know how it happened.. the way you typed it leaves much to question..

Reply

MyChemical_fml | 0

#1402216 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:21

To the face, to the face! Ahahah.. Tjeb is awesome :D.

Reply

rallets | 22

#1402227 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:25

in the face, IN THE FACE!!!

By Annihilator | 0

#1400699 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:05

YDI! o(^▽^)o

Reply

FootballFreak4 | 3

#1402327 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:54

cus he said so

Reply

bean_dip21 | 0

#1402730 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 7:39

What is this, Disney Channel? BLAM!

By roaminginsomniac | 0

#1400703 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:06

That's gotta hurt.

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400709 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:07

haha owww...

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1400727 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

BOOM HEADSHOT (sorry if this was posted more than once..)

By YupImBack | 0

#1400729 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:09

Dumbass..... all I gotta say.

Reply

Annihilator | 0

#1400781 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:23

From the looks of it you're one too.

Reply

xWTF_FML_FTWx | 1

#1400999 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:21

HAHAHA LOLROFLLMAO at #13

By unmadebed | 0

#1400731 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:12

pow right in the kisser.=]

Reply

someblackguy | 3

#1401078 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 0:39

lmfaooo

Reply

rallets | 22

#1402243 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:28

lmao ahh i remember that from american dad

Reply

shona_fml | 0

#1402439 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 6:19

actually that's from family guy...

By Poepiepiesie | 3

#1400737 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:14

Ydi for completely missing looney tunes and not being aware of those hidden dangers.

Reply

KaptainKupkake | 1

#2974953 - Monday 25 July 2011 22:39

Hahaha, Looney Toons taught me the dangers of life.

By FFML_314 | 11

#1400746 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:16

Recliners are evil. Very evil.
I would get rid of that chair, while you still can.

By jkgfdxb | 0

#1400784 - Monday 13 September 2010 23:25

at least you didn't get a busted lip or black eye