Money: Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial... - FML

By The Rock's arse - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

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Dangling modifier

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Trip Advisor says no

By Pantsontheground - United States - New York

Looking like a fool...

Today, my pants kept falling down. Since I didn't have a belt on, I decided to tuck the waistband around my underwear to keep them in place. While on a date, I tried to adjust my pants, but ended up pulling them down along with my boxers. In the middle of a restaurant. FML

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By sausagefingers - United States - Nixa

Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML

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By Username - Netherlands

Today, my sister announced that she had gotten engaged. I was happy for her until I found out she's marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied me all through high school. FML

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By GHTD - United Kingdom

Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised I can tell which family member has just left the bathroom from the smell alone. FML

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By owmyhead - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newark

Who's a good boy? Not you.

Today, while walking my dog in a cemetery, she stole a stuffed animal off a child's grave and began to play with it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawrence

Today, my family got detained by airport security thanks to one of their dogs. It didn't even bark to indicate there was something wrong, though. It only kept smelling my dad, probably because we had our dog with us in the car on the way there. FML

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By Jess - United States - Modesto

Today, in a desperate attempt to add some variety to my life, I resorted to closing my eyes and picking a random font for my essay paper. FML

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By Crazy Cat-less Lady

Today, my mom asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't brought a guy home in over 7 years. Nope. I'm just a crazy cat lady, minus the cats. FML

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By tooflufoschool - United States

Today, I was in bed sick from pneumonia. I asked my boyfriend to nuke a can of soup for me. He said "in a sec, let me finish this game" and continued to play on his Xbox for an hour. Starving, I crawled out to make soup. When I sat down to eat, he paused the game and asked "you didn't make me any?" FML

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By IHateGroupProjects - United States - Riverdale

Today, I've now received my 73rd email in two days about my masters group project on policy recommendations for security reform. One group member has helpfully rewritten everything, and our project is now titled "Zeus's Earthly Kingdom." It's due today. FML

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By exalia - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally bought a car, after saving up for a year. My dealer had told me it was a good buy, so I snapped it up then and there. On the way home, the rear axle practically fell out of the car due to frame rot. My dealer wants to buy the car back at half the price. FML

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By afraidofcans - United States - Stafford

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

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By Ouchies - United States

Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML

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By Brown345 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

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By Fml - United States - Lynn

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

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By thehaystackerine - 24/6/2020 14:02

Bad boy

Today, my family and I are spending the weekend with my in-laws, and their disrespectful, disobedient asshole of a dog. He does whatever he wants, and if I scold him, my mother-in-law in turn scolds me, then tells me how something one of us did is to blame for the dog's behavior. FML

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By Bucko321 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML

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By Snowflakepandi

Sneaky sneaky...

Today, while on vacation, I found out that my boyfriend moved out. He had claimed that he couldn't come with me because his boss messed up his time off request, and for the last two days he said he'd been "cleaning". FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

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By migsman - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to stop saying "I love you" so much because it's starting to annoy her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Ouch

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

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By Anonymous

Taking pictures

Today, I was teaching a high school calculus class. I wrote a complex formula on the board. As I wrote, students asked if they could take a picture of the board and circulate it. I said yes, and I was pleased as everybody seemed to be taking pictures. Soon, I realized why: my skirt was tucked into my underwear. Within a few minutes, every student in the school had an email with a picture of my ugliest pair of floral-printed panties. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was walking in the mall and passed one of the hair product booths (with the people who constanly harrass you as you walk by). In front of half of the mall the woman working there told me that she had several products that I could use to touch up my roots. I'm a natural red head. FML

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By Matt L. - 30/7/2020 14:02

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my car insurance called about "the car I hit" on Monday night. Monday, I'd gone to the girl I’ve been seeing for a month's house for chicken parm and to meet her parents. I parked on the street. Her dad ran into the back of my car, leaving a dent. I never got the chicken parm either. FML

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By ewwww - United States - Monroe

Today, I went to the doctor for the constant pain I have when eating savory or sour foods. It turns out I have a stone in my saliva gland, and no joke, the only thing I can do to fix it is eat savory or sour food to make me drool enough to force it out. FML

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By thanks, cunt-o - Australia - Blackburn

Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML

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By I already have one, thanks - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

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By kaytiebobaytie - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

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By bad birthdays - United States - Los Angeles

Today, it's my birthday. When I asked my mom if we were gonna do anything special for my birthday. She said, "don't lie to me. It's not your birthday." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to tell me. FML

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By My Life Is Just PERFECT - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

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By Noguestlist

Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

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By a manly woman? - United States

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

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By Nic - United States

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

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By OhDamn - United Kingdom

Today, there was a knock at my door, and I was greeted by a punch to the face. The man was the extremely angry "fiancé" of the girl I've been married to for just over a year. FML

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Top comments

By MattAttack12 | 10

#5998136 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:16

Hey those things are pretty expensive these days

By toxic_walrus | 15

#5998137 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:17

Everyone has their bad days

COMMENTS

By MattAttack12 | 10

#5998136 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:16

Hey those things are pretty expensive these days

Reply

GDragonsSwag | 21

#5998815 - Saturday 5 July 2014 19:41

Buy one creamed man and get another for FREE!

By toxic_walrus | 15

#5998137 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:17

Everyone has their bad days

By Jojohn0 | 23

#5998139 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:17

... What do you do for fun?

By singer0421 | 32

#5998143 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:18

I'd say "What a shitty situation" but then you FMLers might force me to watch shitty infomercials at gunpoint, and we all know that's pure torture.

Reply

JBChristian | 46

#5998708 - Saturday 5 July 2014 17:24

*puts gun to you* Watch the infomercials.

By worldclassrager | 39

#5998154 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:20

That is for sure an all time rock bottom low...but not a YDI well in my opinion

By Noremac42 | 8

#5998162 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:24

If you buy something you don't need just because it's on sale, are you really saving money?

By EduJav321 | 24

#5998164 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:24

You know, they say it's 50% off, but then they get you with the shipping and handling

Reply

badluckalex | 23

#5998187 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:35

and bump up the price by 20%

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#5998469 - Saturday 5 July 2014 13:03

And then within a couple of months you'll see the same sort of product in a cheap shop for much less than they are charging.

By meganlovestea | 15

#5998165 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:24

At least you can afford it if you wanted it!

By Enslaved | 36

#5998170 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:25

You creamed yourself after that? What would happen if you watched free porn?

Reply

juan3611 | 14

#5998325 - Saturday 5 July 2014 7:37

Og mudbone

By dawood_k | 27

#5998175 - Saturday 5 July 2014 5:29

Hope you bought it. Maybe than you can invite guests over to have juice....and not get into such sad situations