Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML
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Top comments
CoolCookie210 22
That's disappointing. On the bright side, now you can gossip to your friends about how awful it was.
betweenwinds 18
Let him brag to his friends this once (embarrassing him won't help anything), but also let him know that you heard and now expect his performance to (eventually) match up to his boasts. He'll improve with some practice. ;)
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Comments (98)
foxmatrix15 8
If it ever gets outta hand embarrass him in front of his friends "honey, I didn't say you were the best... I said you tried your best you just didn't hear me"
laden_swallow09 35
Ohhhhh, that's a good 'un!
greeneyedx 23
Men are so sensitive about their "manhood." I mean I wouldn't have blamed him for making himself sound better in bed but he's just lying through his teeth here...
Solano2580 24
The gloating part is overdoing it, but YDI for seeming like you expected much more and are considering being platonic
allplayedout 20
"YDI for wanting a satisfying dog sexual experience and being upset that your boyfriend is sharing/lying about extremely private information with his friends"
CoffeeChickBlows 13
Ummm... if she wanted a satisfying "dog" sexual experience, then yeah telling his friends instead of the police is kinda dumb.
allplayedout 20
I have no idea how the **** that ended up in there, yet another mysterious addition sent from my iPhone
THEDUDE1553566 24
I would have called him out on that lie if I were yiu
xnemesis1981 15
Is his name Jay?
klutz44 28
If it was he probably would have told a different story to each one of his friends.
AmIReallyRenee 20
Men will say whatever crap to make other men inferior. shame really. And it's the same with women. I feel bad that OP'S first experience came out to be a waste
dyscomonkee 12
Last time he gets it I hope
Tannasgh 22
Typical...
worldclassrager 41
Love the name... For some reason I hope his friends see this...
EvilLittleMan 23
Bust his balls in front of his buddies by saying he's lucky that a 0 was added to the two making him a 20 Second Man instead of a Two Second Man.