Love: Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from... - FML

By 12345678 - United States

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Sorry…

This Charming Man

By "princessmia" - United States - Sequim

Felt so bad

Today, my little brother played my phone, and then accidentally sent a nude photo of mine to our step-dad, and now I have to spend all day with him and my mom on a road trip. FML

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By mortenp - United States

Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML

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By Anonymous

Desks are so judgmental these days!

Today, I was promptly told to lose weight today by my computer desk when it broke under the weight of my leg. FML

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By Anonymous

Just a question

Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

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By mdp624 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, I was T-boned while going through an intersection. The guy who hit me accused me of not using my turn signal. I was going straight. FML

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By yeah - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

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By Mr_Jah - United States - Boerne

Today, I got offered a free $80 salon haircut by a girl I've liked for awhile. Thinking this was my chance to get close to her, I accepted, only to find out it was for a class her boyfriend was teaching. He was the one cutting my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 05:03

The other stage of grief

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is freaky. At her grandad's funeral, she got so upset she had to leave the room, only to drag me into the priest's office for a quick blowjob. Apparently, death turns her on. I had oral sex at a funeral. I’m going to Hell for sure. FML

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By welted - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

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By JustShutUp

Today, my neighbour was singing in the shower so loud that I could understand every word. He was singing "Purple Rain", which wouldn't have been so bad if he only knew a bit more of the lyrics. He has been singing those same two words for half an hour now. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML

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By d for vendetta - 21/4/2021 23:00

Snitches get bitches

Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML

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By Alone - United States

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

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By be_so_slick_56 - United States

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

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By shit

Today, I was in a public restroom trying to take a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bakersfield

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

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By phillyfan4life - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

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By yen

Today, I was talking to my sister about how I need to buy gifts from Santa for my daughter, when my son asked why I would be buying them instead of letting Santa bring them. My son genuinely still believed in Santa. He’s 22 years old. FML

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By hey-o - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon to cut 6 in. off my hair. When I got there I decided to get my upper lip waxed for the first time. When my boyfriend came to pick me up for our date I asked if he noticed anything different about me, the first thing he said was "I see you got rid of you mustache." FML

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By weliveanddie14 - United States

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

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By Elmo - United States

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML

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By mrmatt008 - France

Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, realizing how poor I am, I decided to steal gas. The only place I was brave enough to steal from was my parents' lawn mower. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the manager that hired me and worked for years to inspire and connect her staff was laid to rest. Hours before the funeral, her replacement told me he wanted my 2 weeks notice on his desk tonight. I've been a model employee, he just doesn't like me. FML

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By moon_paw - United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

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By Embarrassed

Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

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By KelseNM - 5/7/2020 14:02

Just No

Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is December 19, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML

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By duuuuude - United States

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

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By Ace - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML

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By the un-loved child - United States - Salida

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

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By apparentlyunsexy - United States

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

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By FckMyLife - United States

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

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By northernlass - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

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By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - United States

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

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By Nutty

Today, my girlfriend refused to have sex with me, because my underwear are Fruit of the Loom instead of Hanes. According to her, since all real men wear Hanes, I'm unfit to have sex with her because I wear Fruit of the Loom and am therefore not a man. FML

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By Anonymous Pillock - United Kingdom

Today, I came across a street musician. He looked extremely well-fed already, but his music was pretty good, so I gave him some spare change. As soon as I turned away, he started screaming at me for being "cheap", and chased me half a block before running out of breath. FML

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Top comments

By Starfire22 | 5

#747056 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:56

It's sad that your ex was the one apologizing, not your own sister...

By Slimma | 20

#747084 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:17

Someone certainly has a high opinion of themselves. I mean really thinking that he's messaging you on facebook just so that he can beg you to take him back. Pfft get over yourself. Just for having an ego like that you deserved that message.

Plus it's two weeks after the break up so he moved on apparently to someone better. Your sister. YDI

COMMENTS

By somethingnew319 | 0

#747041 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:48

dam tht sucks

Reply

Mattfail | 0

#747210 - Thursday 31 December 2009 17:57

YDI for thinking he'd come crawling back to you...

Reply

youreanidiot | 0

#747474 - Thursday 31 December 2009 20:27

agree, ydi, you dump him and expect him to come begging and humiliate himself just so that you can feel better than him, yet think its an FML when he sleeps with someone else. If you don't want him sleeping with someone else, don't dump him, and your sister can make her own decisions.

Reply

Reyo | 2

#747646 - Thursday 31 December 2009 22:05

Women, here's something to remember about guys. If you break up with them, they are NEVER going to come back to you. On the off chance they do, you don't want them. Trust me, you don't. That shows bondage issues.

Reply

lightswitch12 | 0

#749878 - Saturday 2 January 2010 5:26

Amen to that bro

Reply

smaginn | 0

#762089 - Friday 8 January 2010 14:02

Agreed, OP, I am sorry, but YDI for assuming that he'd want you! He said sorry, though, didn't he? He could have avoided it and not told you

Reply

happyhak | 5

#1050921 - Thursday 1 July 2010 8:13

#38 took the words right outof my mouth...OP, you broke up with him, right? So, why is it an FML if your ex sleeps with your sister? To me, he sounds like a player!

By ipwnallmen | 10

#747042 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:49

TIME TO SHAG A SLUT AND MAN WHORE!

By GR3453m0nk3y | 4

#747053 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:54

time to shag a slut and man whore.....

i find it incredibly hard to believe you "pwnallmen" (pwn all men)

Reply

ipwnallmen | 10

#747090 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:19

LOL!

Reply

ipwnallmen | 10

#747124 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:49

IM so sad for you, 3! you reply to people based on their nick names! it dosent matter if you dont think I pwn all men!! it matters if people get a kick out of it!! lolol kisses!! mwah!

By Starfire22 | 5

#747056 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:56

It's sad that your ex was the one apologizing, not your own sister...

By JManHobbs | 0

#747064 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:00

YDI Why would you get your hopes ip like that? And anyway surely after 2 weeks he's a free man and can sleep with whoever he likes.

By sparkey0127 | 0

#747077 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:12

your a dumbass you can't get mad cause ur sister is better then u. atleast your boyfriend appologised

By tjelsi | 0

#747083 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:16

ousch.....

By Slimma | 20

#747084 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By JustAReaderOfFml | 4

#747100 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:27

ill be honest here. i dont get what the fml is.

By ArthursLifeSucks | 2

#747110 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:34

Hahaha awesome on the guy, wish my ex's sisters would have slept with me, that would have ruled. Revenge sex FTW.

Reply

Indiana_fml | 4

#747257 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:29

Just my thought ^^ That's a definite WIN for the guy.