Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML
Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML
Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML
Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML
Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML
Today, at the supermarket, I bought a cake and had my friend's name put on it. It wasn't anyone's birthday, I just wanted to feel less ashamed about buying a whole cake for myself. FML
Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML
Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
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Top comments
BubbleGrunge 18
Why lie OP? If I was that cashier I wouldn't judge you; I'd be jealous you are buying all that candy. Got anything sour??? Share the wealth!
dimerneckel 22
They know that that is what you are doing with all that candy... You aren't fooling anyone
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Comments (78)
elcee1987 18
I do it too. Ignore the honesty police here, I totally understand.
rocker_chick23 27
Why would you lie? The cashier doesn't give a shit if you're getting the candy for yourself or for a party.
iateapenguin 27
Telling lies will just concrete your loneliness OP ;)
buckdharma 38
Burning calories at the gym is hard work. I run for a freakin hour on the treadmill while watching the calories burned, and think, that's it. All that and that's all I burned. That candy bar was totally not worth it. (psych) Gimme candy!
GameofWalkingBad 3
Wait. Why would your life suck?
Fuhkyoo 17
yeah not gonna lie i do this all the time, no shame. candy is awesome, used to eat a big bag of starbursts almost every day. almost all the cashiers in my town know whats up anytime i show up
CRC_101 31
Own it. I went to the store at Valentine's Day and bought 4 of the largest boxes of chocolate. The cashier at the register says, "Aw, are these gifts?" ( :) ) "**** no, these are all for me!" Except without the ****, because the cashiers in my small town are horrified by foul language. Twist conclusion: Just about everyone edits themselves for people in public, consciously or not. Not anything wrong with that in itself. Still, if you dwell negatively and at length on your action, perhaps you should consider changing your honesty or the behavior itself.
Badkarma4u 17
Don't be ashamed if you want to gorge. Men and women fought and died. So that you have the freedom to stuff your face if that's what you want to do. At least have the courage to do it and not hide like a coward.
jeriaslovesyou 16
Aww, I'm sorry OP. That's nothing to be ashamed about! Everyone has candy binges once in awhile.
MistsMoon 15
...self-check.