Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML
Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML
Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML
Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML
Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML
Today, at the supermarket, I bought a cake and had my friend's name put on it. It wasn't anyone's birthday, I just wanted to feel less ashamed about buying a whole cake for myself. FML
Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML
Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
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Top comments
BubbleGrunge 18
Why lie OP? If I was that cashier I wouldn't judge you; I'd be jealous you are buying all that candy. Got anything sour??? Share the wealth!
dimerneckel 22
They know that that is what you are doing with all that candy... You aren't fooling anyone
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Comments (78)
JCal585 8
You can choose to not eat that,..
olpally 33
Treating your body like a roller coaster is fun though.
cook4money 9
Making excuses always seems like you are hiding something. Eat the candy and enjoy yourself.
feven 32
Hm. The cashier must think you're a real party animal.
DanielleinDC 34
Why do you care what a cashier thinks? So what if you're going to gorge yourself on candy? It's your body and your right to put whatever crap into it that you choose.
sumbum95 15
Who cares! I always get candy for myself. A wise person NEVER shares their candy! :p
pepsi_ftw 13
Who cares flaunt your individuality with candy!!
ForbiddenDestiny 20
Dude! Candy parties can be for a party of one!!! :D xxx
Epikouros 32
Candy is for kids. Grown-ups gorge on cake and ice-cream.
XCrazyMofo2010X 17
Hey, honesty's the best policy unless it involves parents.