Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML
Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML
Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML
Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML
Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML
Today, at the supermarket, I bought a cake and had my friend's name put on it. It wasn't anyone's birthday, I just wanted to feel less ashamed about buying a whole cake for myself. FML
Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML
Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
BubbleGrunge 18
Why lie OP? If I was that cashier I wouldn't judge you; I'd be jealous you are buying all that candy. Got anything sour??? Share the wealth!
dimerneckel 22
They know that that is what you are doing with all that candy... You aren't fooling anyone
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (78)
sammyjo06 14
If the cashier actually asked, then I don't blame you for the lie. But if she didn't say anything, there was no need to comment.
t1tzRw1n 8
I did that once at the chocolate shop... I told the cashier it was all for "a friend in the hospital".
ckerane 16
sweet like sugar =P
miss_jules 11
You lied because you were afraid of being judged by the cashier. Meanwhile, they probably didn't care or pay attention. It seems like you're the only one judging you! Anyway, it's Easter! I ate so many easter eggs and sweets yesterday, I wasn't hungry for any real food! It's okay to do that once in a while. If it is a daily or very regular thing though, maybe you need to have a look at your lifestyle and try changing it. If you can't by yourself, seek professional help :)
Everleades 2
I do that all the time at least I'm not the only one
Witchylady 18
You shouldn't have to explain your actions to a grocery check out chick.
itcomesinthrees 10
If you feel so bad about it that you feel the need to lie to strangers maybe that is a sign that you should look at making some healthier lifestyle choices..?
aersie 13
Ain't no shame in candy snarfing.
cmac86 24
I work as a cashier and if they're anything like me or my other coworkers, we really couldn't care less about what you're going to do. no need to lie to us.
guttedbrit 26
"It's not all mine" *nervous laughter* we've all been there, OP :)