Today, a man came by with a large drink and sat next to me in... - FML

By sodapants - 22/3/2016 20:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a man came by with a large drink and sat next to me in the bus terminal. In all his wisdom, he tried setting it between the seats. Naturally, it spilled all over me. I now have to sit with a soaked pair of pants and a wet carry on from Nashville to Atlanta. The bus trip is 5 hours long. FML

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Yappy neighborhood

In my day…

Sewer monster

By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 17:37 - United States - Allen

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

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By Catscratch - 1/9/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

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By freakingout - 4/9/2012 21:55 - United States - Roslyn

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

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By f.a.t. - 4/10/2013 08:20 - Australia

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 15:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

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By dating a pussy - 18/2/2014 21:15 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 02:01

Delusional

Today, my mom is 100% positive that she saw me meeting up with a stranger and buying some kind of drug from "him." I didn't even pass by anyone on my walk. I went to get dollar store pizza, because I can't afford to buy any decent food this week, let alone drugs. FML

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By anonymous - 8/3/2010 15:12 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law grounded me because I went to the store in the "dangerous" rain. My husband says that if I don't obey then we won't work out. FML

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By master6 - 21/12/2018 04:00

Today I was pulling in to my work parking lot gate, accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake pedal, ran through the gate arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2019 02:00

Today, for the third time in as many months, I woke up early and got dressed up for our department’s networking breakfast, where I stood in the back with no seat and no food, while employees from other departments and less senior staff ate breakfast. My boss later asked me if the food was good. FML

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By cheaphubbyswife - 4/4/2009 09:19 - Canada

Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away and we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML

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By pmony - 2/2/2012 02:48 - United States

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

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By bosssssssss765432 - 16/5/2009 15:20 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

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By Si123 - 15/8/2020 08:01

Night terrors

Today, after a long day at work, I was ready to wind down for the night. I sat on my bed and turned towards a fluttering on my left. I saw the biggest daddy-longlegs inches from my face, jumped in the other direction, forgetting there was a wall, and hit my head on it. I'm now officially wide awake. FML

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By tm - 18/7/2012 05:06 - United States - Madisonville

Today, I went to the emergency room with chest pain. I didn't have a heart attack, but I now have a broken nose after passing out and face-planting in the waiting room. FML

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By Juggernaut Drive - 31/10/2018 05:00

Today, my little sister got into my anime DVDs, probably thinking they were cartoons. She watched High School DXD, which isn't the best anime for a 6-year-old. Now she wants to be the Breast Dragon Emperor for Halloween and Dad is threatening to set fire to my entire collection. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 14:39 - United States

Today, I realized that getting wasted before finals is not a good idea. I sat down in the test hall, reached into my bag for a pencil, and found instead three baby carrots and a spoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 04:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

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By jcooh0lla - 24/7/2009 21:30 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

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By independence - 7/7/2011 04:04 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he wanted some independence. He moved back into his parents house. FML

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By CaptainStars - 29/6/2020 20:01

Bureaucracy

Today, I ran out of my antidepressants, and I cannot get more because my local hospital is closed, and I can't register online because the only way it will let me sign up is over the phone, due to me living in a rural area. I'm mute. FML

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By gummy bear - 21/1/2011 11:41

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

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By Becky - 21/8/2009 23:51 - United Kingdom

Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML

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By cryface - 7/2/2014 04:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

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By KeepOnTruckin' - 18/5/2019 17:50

Today, I had to help my best friend plan his upcoming date with the girl he doesn't know I'm secretly in love with. FML

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By ThatWasntFun - 29/1/2015 21:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went to have a pre-cancerous mole removed off of my nose. When the doctor numbed my nose, she didn't check to see if the anesthetic actually worked, and began hacking away at my nose, leaving me to feel every last flick of the razor. Turns out I have an immunity to that anesthetic. FML

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By danonno - 2/8/2012 21:08 - Canada - Nelson

Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2013 09:17 - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2016 04:13 - United States - Midland

Today, I was talking with a very attractive co-worker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as the moth lady. FML

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By Don't text and work - 23/6/2009 05:04 - France

Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML

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By asshole - 19/4/2020 20:00

Doing his part

Today, I found out that while I was at my job as an "essential" employee, my laid-off boyfriend was at home banging the landlord's daughter. FML

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By ksgirl - 12/9/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

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By anonymous - 7/10/2011 15:09 - Australia

Today, my Dad's banjo arrived, as part of his mid-life crisis. It would be fine if he could play it but unfortunately he's tone deaf. He hasn't stopped playing it for the last 4 hours. FML

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By maharaja - 6/8/2019 12:00

Today, multiple people informed my girlfriend that I’m cheating on her. I’m not. FML

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By ProudMama - 8/1/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

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By - 24/12/2019 18:00

Just a formality

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML

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By kb10 - 14/3/2011 07:32

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

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By thedeadone - 15/7/2019 00:01

Today, I found the phone number of my biological mother after years of searching for her, and gave her a call. I introduced myself by name and said, "I'm your daughter." There was a pause at the other end, followed by, "The one I aborted or the one I gave away?" FML

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By khaelian - 10/11/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML

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By shoggoth_wild - 27/2/2015 14:13 - United States - Jackson

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

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Top comments

By PingusTheDingus | 31

#6565486 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:16

That's sodapressing.

By igg125 | 30

#6565489 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:22

I don't know why you would allow him to put his drink there if there wasn't a cup holder.

COMMENTS

By Xcizer | 17

#6565481 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:11

Jump him and steal his pants

By JetCyclone27 | 18

#6565484 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:12

Sounds like a sticky situation

By emeraldisle | 30

#6565485 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:13

Tell him he owes you a new pair of pants.

Reply

mariri9206 | 32

#6565638 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 17:48

It didn't ruin the pair of pants, just made them wet. They can be washed. If he were to owe her anything, it would be dry cleaning. It's unfortunate, though, because OP had to sit in wet, sticky, uncomfortable pants for 5 hours.

By PingusTheDingus | 31

#6565486 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:16

That's sodapressing.

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6567182 - Friday 25 March 2016 14:57

This FML is pretty damn funny if you accidentally read "dick" instead of "drink" like I did.

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#6565487 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:20

dude. where's my car?

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6567478 - Saturday 26 March 2016 3:13

How the fuck does that have any relation to the FML? I am so fucking sick of seeing dumb ass comments on FMLs that have nothing to do with them. Some people shouldn't be allowed to comment.

By deathrise007 | 22

#6565488 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:22

Dang, that sucks OP. Hopefully the trip isn't too bad.

By igg125 | 30

#6565489 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:22

I don't know why you would allow him to put his drink there if there wasn't a cup holder.

Reply

CammyGal | 26

#6565494 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:28

They probably didn't notice until it was already starting to spill

Reply

theoldman | 22

#6566183 - Thursday 24 March 2016 6:38

It also could have been uncomfortable to tell someone what to do. I don't know if I would have said to someone I didn't know not to do something.

By stingray112 | 24

#6565490 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:23

Sry OP I can't think of any advice sry man xD

By hoosiergirl94 | 31

#6565492 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:26

If the bag was soaked then the other pair of pants would be wet too...

By saxaddict122 | 14

#6565518 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:56

And that's what happens when you take the greyhound... Weird shit starts poppin off.