Transportation: Today, a man came by with a large drink and sat next to me in... - FML

By sodapants - United States - San Francisco

Today, a man came by with a large drink and sat next to me in the bus terminal. In all his wisdom, he tried setting it between the seats. Naturally, it spilled all over me. I now have to sit with a soaked pair of pants and a wet carry on from Nashville to Atlanta. The bus trip is 5 hours long. FML

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Dangling modifier

Unrequited

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

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By BURGERT0WN USA - United States - Redmond

Today, I texted the girl I'm going to homecoming with in a couple days to say hi. The conversation started OK, but then morphed into her saying that she doesn't feel anything between us, and wants to stop being friends after the dance. I have to buy her dinner and a ticket, out of my own wallet. FML

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By Mazzam - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she bought for me. I said joking: "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

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By Tom - United States

Today, I'm flying out of the country in a few hours. A plane from the same airline just crashed into the Hudson River and is now floating in it. FML

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By Sniffles - Ireland

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition that makes me lactate. I'm a 6' tattooed guy with a boxing competition coming up soon. I'm never going to hear the end of this. FML

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By Andy

Today, while jetlagged and going through customs in Singapore, I grabbed what I thought was a pen to fill out the form. I heard it squeak as I lifted it up. It was a straw in the custom agent's drink. The resulting noise he made lasted 10+ seconds. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

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By firegirl

Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML

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By Anna Lete

Today, my apartment was flooded due to a broken pipe, which caused a huge family of cockroaches to disperse. Did you know they can fly? FML

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By bad_luck - United States

Today, my boss sent me home from work because she saw me not checking under my customer's cart to see if they had any hidden groceries. I didn't check because the customer threatened to "kick my ass" if I "accused him of stealing" by checking. FML

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By Frazzled - United States

Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML

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By dudezilla - United States

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2020 20:00

Breaking Badly

Today, it was my first day as a pharm tech. Two hours into my shift, I came down with awful food poisoning, causing me to go to the restroom multiple times before eventually leaving. I'd filled multiple controlled substances today and can't help but think my coworkers are thinking I'm a drug addict. FML

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By published_anthropologist - United States

Today, my girlfriend of eight years explained to me that the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a B.S. in Biology and an M.S. in Anthropology, and I am working on my Ph.D. She thinks I'm an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML

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By FirstDaddy - United States - Southfield

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

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By hell no!

Today, my fiancé's ex-wife thought it was perfectly acceptable to give herself a part in our upcoming wedding. She wants to "give" him away to me, the same way a father does to a bride. Apparently, I'm being unreasonable and selfish for denying her request. My fiancé told me to at least think about it. FML

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By atleastshelldiefirst - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML

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By Samantha - United States

Today, I'm three months pregnant. Hours after the father of my baby bought me a wedding ring, he decided to get drunk and tell me that he doesn't see himself with me for the rest of his life, and doesn't really want to get married. Oh and he hates my dog. FML

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By :'( - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was let go from my dream job for requesting Photoshop as well as Illustrator. I was hired to create marketing materials. Guess I should have just used Paint. FML

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By fsfs - Germany - Kiel

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

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By HellaBomber91 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 08:08

Like what you see?

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML

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By Anonymous - Serbia - Pancevo

Today, I was told I'll need a hysterectomy. I'm barely 22. My doctor said "You probably wanted kids, huh? That's gonna be rough!" FML

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By TalkedTo

Today, at 16 years old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

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By not_relaxed - United States

Today, I returned from vacation. Because of rain, I spent 3 days sitting in a hotel room, watching a TV with bad reception. I'm now less relaxed that if I'd have just stayed home, because that wouldn't have cost me $500, and my TV has more than 15 channels. So much for my first vacation in 5 years. FML

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By betterthanhodor - United Kingdom

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

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By why - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend convinced my current boyfriend to break up with me because "bros before hoes". They met for the first time last week. FML

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By LoveStinks

Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that, because i'm a student, the employees I train make more than me. FML

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By loganHchrist - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

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By Not really

Happy birthday?

Today, I picked up a birthday card for my dad at the supermarket in a mad rush. I didn’t realise that the inside said “From your daughter”. He thinks this was my way of coming out as trans, and said that he suspected it for years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

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By cait - United States

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

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By charliemann_ - United States

Today, a woman came into the gas station where I work, yelling because her credit card wouldn't read at the pump. I politely told her that I could set the pump up for a set amount, and she could swipe the card at the register. Her response: "You need Jesus." FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Paderborn

Today, I asked my boyfriend to go to the airport with me, to see me off for my three-month stay abroad. He said no because the two-hour drive is "too boring". FML

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By Mel - United States

Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML

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By DreDre

The charity

Today, I found out that the dude I love has been taking the money I used to support him and buying heroin with it. FML

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By sucks4me - United States

Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML

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By fat - United States

Today, I noticed that I've gained so much weight that even my feet have stretch marks. FML

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Top comments

By PingusTheDingus | 31

#6565486 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:16

That's sodapressing.

By igg125 | 30

#6565489 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:22

I don't know why you would allow him to put his drink there if there wasn't a cup holder.

COMMENTS

By Xcizer | 17

#6565481 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:11

Jump him and steal his pants

By JetCyclone27 | 18

#6565484 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:12

Sounds like a sticky situation

By emeraldisle | 30

#6565485 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:13

Tell him he owes you a new pair of pants.

Reply

mariri9206 | 32

#6565638 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 17:48

It didn't ruin the pair of pants, just made them wet. They can be washed. If he were to owe her anything, it would be dry cleaning. It's unfortunate, though, because OP had to sit in wet, sticky, uncomfortable pants for 5 hours.

By PingusTheDingus | 31

#6565486 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:16

That's sodapressing.

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6567182 - Friday 25 March 2016 14:57

This FML is pretty damn funny if you accidentally read "dick" instead of "drink" like I did.

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#6565487 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:20

dude. where's my car?

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6567478 - Saturday 26 March 2016 3:13

How the fuck does that have any relation to the FML? I am so fucking sick of seeing dumb ass comments on FMLs that have nothing to do with them. Some people shouldn't be allowed to comment.

By deathrise007 | 22

#6565488 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:22

Dang, that sucks OP. Hopefully the trip isn't too bad.

By igg125 | 30

#6565489 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:22

I don't know why you would allow him to put his drink there if there wasn't a cup holder.

Reply

CammyGal | 26

#6565494 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:28

They probably didn't notice until it was already starting to spill

Reply

theoldman | 22

#6566183 - Thursday 24 March 2016 6:38

It also could have been uncomfortable to tell someone what to do. I don't know if I would have said to someone I didn't know not to do something.

By stingray112 | 24

#6565490 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:23

Sry OP I can't think of any advice sry man xD

By hoosiergirl94 | 31

#6565492 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:26

If the bag was soaked then the other pair of pants would be wet too...

By saxaddict122 | 14

#6565518 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:56

And that's what happens when you take the greyhound... Weird shit starts poppin off.