Transportation: Today, a man came by with a large drink and sat next to me in... - FML

By sodapants - United States - San Francisco

Today, a man came by with a large drink and sat next to me in the bus terminal. In all his wisdom, he tried setting it between the seats. Naturally, it spilled all over me. I now have to sit with a soaked pair of pants and a wet carry on from Nashville to Atlanta. The bus trip is 5 hours long. FML

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Taking stock

Fresh air

"Based on your purchase history…"

By Username - France

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

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By wildwonder808 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

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By Crap - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

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By Awkward - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, I tripped while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reached out and grabbed onto one of the guys walking up. I ended up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgusted glares as I dusted myself off. FML

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By Anonymous

The Good Grandson

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got home from work, took a shower, got ready for bed, and laid down right in cat piss. Now I'm shampooing the mattress and taking another shower just to sleep on the couch. FML

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By T1A2Z3

Today, right before sex, with his dick out and the condom in one hand, the guy I was with answered a phone call from his mum. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

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By Hair Fail - United States

Today, I decided I wanted to dye my hair a medium brown. Little did I know, some jerk switched the hair dye boxes. My hair is now bright orange. FML

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By Shitsuo01 - United States - Douglasville

Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was sitting at a lunch table with some of my coworkers when one of them decided to put out his cigarette on the table and missed. I now have a nice burn mark on my hand. Did he say sorry? No. "Your hand shouldn't have been there." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

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By IfuSeekAmyIdo - United States

Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Boondall

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

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By bacon lovers worst nightmare - United States - San Diego

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

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By kylie - 2/4/2021 17:01

Unimpressed

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

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By Badam - France - Geaune

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

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By badwife - Japan

Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML

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By Gibbster_ - United States - San Antonio

Today, my life is so boring that I started looking through my can of coins and sorting them out by year. The oldest coin I have is from 1963. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

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By a little less poor at least - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML

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By donnap - United States - North Highlands

Today, I got a really bad sunburn. On my eyelids. Who knew blinking could be so painful? FML

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By Dino - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

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By Radio GaGa - Canada

Today, I watched my co-worker throw the mother of all temper tantrums. He's a radio personality, and just learned that he's not famous enough to use the "Don't you know who I am?" line to get out of a traffic ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my brother sent me an image by Skype, saying I really had to see it. I figured it was some kind of stupid joke, but I tried to look anyway. It wouldn't open. Turns out he thought he could just rename the ".exe" on a virus to ".jpg" and it would still run. My brother's a cretin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Union City

Today, some jackass in an Iron Man mask nailed me in the head with a quarter while I was helping other customers. Minimum wage isn't worth this crap. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML

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By Stan - United States

Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 19:58 - Canada - Markham

Keep your enemies closer

Today, the night before an exam, I found out my boyfriend of one and a half years was cheating on me with a girl who has the same name as me. Not only that, I ended up consoling her for hours as she cried over him. FML

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By Malpal - United States

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

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By munchkin - France

Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML

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By Albert06 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

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By steve-o - United States

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

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By roostergirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house I hear him shout "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, come back here!". He was talking to his cat who ran out the door behind me. FML

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By makehimscrubit - United States - Hawthorne

Today, I found out the guys I live with have an ongoing contest to see if they can hit targets on the inside of the toilet lid with urine when they pee. I could forgive this in my seven-year-old son, but not my forty-year-old husband. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aberystwyth

Today, after waiting two weeks for an email with my online textbook access code, it still hadn't arrived in time for my quiz tomorrow, so I ended up spending most of my money on the expensive physical copy. Not long after I got back home, the email finally arrived. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

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By whathef???? - Canada

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

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By Uriah - United States

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

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Top comments

By PingusTheDingus | 31

#6565486 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:16

That's sodapressing.

By igg125 | 30

#6565489 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:22

I don't know why you would allow him to put his drink there if there wasn't a cup holder.

COMMENTS

By Xcizer | 17

#6565481 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:11

Jump him and steal his pants

By JetCyclone27 | 18

#6565484 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:12

Sounds like a sticky situation

By emeraldisle | 30

#6565485 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:13

Tell him he owes you a new pair of pants.

Reply

mariri9206 | 32

#6565638 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 17:48

It didn't ruin the pair of pants, just made them wet. They can be washed. If he were to owe her anything, it would be dry cleaning. It's unfortunate, though, because OP had to sit in wet, sticky, uncomfortable pants for 5 hours.

By PingusTheDingus | 31

#6565486 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:16

That's sodapressing.

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6567182 - Friday 25 March 2016 14:57

This FML is pretty damn funny if you accidentally read "dick" instead of "drink" like I did.

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#6565487 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:20

dude. where's my car?

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6567478 - Saturday 26 March 2016 3:13

How the fuck does that have any relation to the FML? I am so fucking sick of seeing dumb ass comments on FMLs that have nothing to do with them. Some people shouldn't be allowed to comment.

By deathrise007 | 22

#6565488 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:22

Dang, that sucks OP. Hopefully the trip isn't too bad.

By igg125 | 30

#6565489 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:22

I don't know why you would allow him to put his drink there if there wasn't a cup holder.

Reply

CammyGal | 26

#6565494 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:28

They probably didn't notice until it was already starting to spill

Reply

theoldman | 22

#6566183 - Thursday 24 March 2016 6:38

It also could have been uncomfortable to tell someone what to do. I don't know if I would have said to someone I didn't know not to do something.

By stingray112 | 24

#6565490 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:23

Sry OP I can't think of any advice sry man xD

By hoosiergirl94 | 31

#6565492 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:26

If the bag was soaked then the other pair of pants would be wet too...

By saxaddict122 | 14

#6565518 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:56

And that's what happens when you take the greyhound... Weird shit starts poppin off.