Intimacy: Today, I learned that when my girlfriend always says she's been... - FML

By unbelievable

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend always says she's been at "Alex's house", she hasn't meant the house of her friend Alexis, but rather the house of the man she has been cheating on me with. She literally told me she was cheating on me and still managed to avoid getting caught. FML

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BO Central

Miss me yet?

Thanks Felicia

By anonymous - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. Being dumped wasn't the reaction I was expecting. FML

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By NoComparison - United States

Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML

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By Ian - United States

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

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By anon - United States - York

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on new year's eve. An hour later I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the new year with my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML

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By Dogsbody

Today, I noticed that my dad scolds me in the same tone of voice that he uses to scold our two dogs. Gives a whole new meaning to being treated like a dog. FML

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By yummy(: - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2021 17:01 - Germany

Catflap time

Today, our cat doesn’t care much whether she gets into my room or not. Except at about 3 a.m. each night. That’s the time she sits outside the door, meowing to be let in. FML

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By Boothater - United States

Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to show us an example of the type of shoes we would be wearing in the show. She brings in a pair of hideous black combat boots, and I remark how ugly they are. They're her own favorite boots. I had to carpool with her after rehearsal. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I found out that ever since I got my blonde highlights, I've been mocked behind my back at work, and nicknamed "The Skunk". FML

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By cuppycakeslove - United States

Today, I had to sit through chemistry class watching the kid in front of me slowly peel off the scabs on his arms, examine them, and then eat them. For an hour. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Arlington

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

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By not on life, that's for fucking sure - United States

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

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By lukey101 - 11/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Most likely

Today, I had my half-year performance review. My boss arrived 15 minutes late, paid basically no attention to my presentation, and left 30 minutes early. I guess I’ll go fuck myself then. FML

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By Lyingboyfriend - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said he couldn't come to my grandfather's funeral because he was at his cottage and couldn't make it. Later that day, when driving home from the graveyard I saw him walking down the street, with another girl. FML

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By quarantine hell

Quid pro quo

Today, I called my sister and asked if she could watch my baby while I went to the store for desperately needed groceries and supplies. She refused, despite the fact that she's randomly dropped off her three rambunctious boys more times than I could count so she could go clubbing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he burst out crying, I thought it might have been because we had gotten into a huge fight and he felt bad. No, he cried on my shoulder for a half hour because he misses his ex-girlfriend. He's been writing songs about wanting her back. FML

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By eyelashess - United States

Today, our carbon monoxide detector started beeping. My mom started freaking out and made me go stand outside so I "don't die". I stood outside for 20 minutes, it was raining and it turned out that the detector was just low on battery. FML

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By Ladycakes - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML

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By harrassment101 - United States

Today, at work a female co-worker was struggling with a stack of boxes in her hands. Her pantyhose was falling down and she asked me to help her. So I pulled up her pantyhose. When I looked up, she had a horrified look on her face. She was asking me to help her hold the boxes. FML

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By caughtorangehanded - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

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By unknown - France

Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML

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By whasian - United States

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present. It was a necklace for me to wear at my wedding. The pendant is a well known lesbian symbol. I'm a woman and I'm marrying her son. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, they played Nickelback at our school dance. FML

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By notpreggers - United Kingdom

Today, I was wearing a new 500 dollar dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted 500 dollars. FML

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By unluckylassy - Ireland

Today, after moving miles to be with my boyfriend, I logged onto his computer just in time to see his other girlfriend had sent naked pictures. FML

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By birdbath - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

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By NJ - United States

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend that I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlock our flat to see that the place was a mess. She had thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

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By jfranklin - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making fun of a photo album on Facebook containing pictures of two friends who just got engaged. I jokingly asked her to marry me. She said yes. We have been dating for two months. She's not in on the joke. FML

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By fiftyno - United States - Tacoma

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

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By chacha - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

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By really?? - United States - Dinuba

Today, my boyfriend's mother hung a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend up. We've been together for 3 years now. Guess she really does hate me. FML

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By greasyhair - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was excited when I saw a missed call. It wasn't my ex-boyfriend finally willing to talk, it was the creepy guy I met on the bus in November who I haven't seen since but has written me poetry. FML

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By Fonzie34 - United States

Today, I was lobstering. While I was getting bands, my co-worker decided it would be funny to make a lobster pinch my ear. it was a 4 pound lobster, and my ear was swollen for 5 hours. FML

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By nightDREAMERms - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

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Top comments

By Pixiewolfe | 46

#7464878 - Saturday 3 June 2017 20:13

Well why would you have doubted her ? You showed you trusted her so it is NOT your fault she betrayed that trust.
I hope you find someone who respects and deserves that trust next time.

By sunshine1421 | 14

#7464871 - Saturday 3 June 2017 20:04

truth in plain sight easiest way to pull something off behind the scenes... on a side note sorry to hear op shes a bitch

COMMENTS

By sunshine1421 | 14

#7464871 - Saturday 3 June 2017 20:04

truth in plain sight easiest way to pull something off behind the scenes... on a side note sorry to hear op shes a bitch

By RichardPencil | 30

#7464873 - Saturday 3 June 2017 20:07

You ought to start fucking Alexis for revenge!

By Pixiewolfe | 46

#7464878 - Saturday 3 June 2017 20:13

Well why would you have doubted her ? You showed you trusted her so it is NOT your fault she betrayed that trust.
I hope you find someone who respects and deserves that trust next time.

By thatslifeiguess7 | 15

#7465016 - Sunday 4 June 2017 2:20

Don't you mean ex girlfriend

By Jurydude | 5

#7465186 - Sunday 4 June 2017 13:11

OMG，hhhhh

By wickedgetz | 29

#7465208 - Sunday 4 June 2017 14:19

Hey atleast she was honest

By WillMM76 | 12

#7465231 - Sunday 4 June 2017 15:17

Don't you mean ex-girlfriend?

By obie1975 | 9

#7465803 - Monday 5 June 2017 21:31

I've been an out in the open couple with my bf for a year now. My husband still doesn't know and I've been open about everything. you see what you choose to see

Reply

alex_jaguara | 29

#7914303 - Wednesday 17 June 2020 10:14

OK, If you don't want to be with your husband, why fid you marry at all?

By bsshooter | 14

#7465865 - Monday 5 June 2017 23:34

you mean ex, right???

By NirvanaLove | 21

#7466981 - Thursday 8 June 2017 1:17

beat Alex's ass and kick her to the curb