Geek: Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas...

By Anonymous - 16/07/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 700

You deserved it 2 708

Geek

Empathy lives

Taking stock

Landmine

By mississippi123 - 06/08/2012 05:41 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 943

You deserved it 2 525

By momlife - 28/03/2016 20:45 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 034

You deserved it 2 057

It's not you, it's me

By DyingAlone - 14/12/2021 23:01

Today, I met the guy my ex left me for. He's morbidly obese, has no personality, and got her drinking again, even though she has a problem. She says, "I've never been happier." Now everything I've done for my anxiety and depression has come undone, and I can't be convinced there isn't something horribly wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 236

By Anonymous - 21/06/2019 20:00

Today, I was walking on the street when a woman in front of me dropped a couple of dollars. I picked them up and chased her to return it all. She insisted that it wasn't hers. I tried to tell her it was, but she wouldn't accept it. A cop saw me and arrested me for solicitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 924

You deserved it 170

By Mygawdwhy - 21/01/2018 01:30

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 106

You deserved it 1 985

Cigarettes or…?

By xander - 18/01/2022 01:59 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I learned that my mother almost did a perfect job being a parent when I was a baby. She was clean during the 9 month period I was in the womb. Unfortunately, she stopped right after giving birth to me, celebrated, and started smoking again. I was breastfed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

Look where you're going

By flicmybicgrl - 23/09/2020 08:01

Today, I was heading to class with all of my books and papers in my arms. To prevent tripping and falling down the stairs, I decided to take the elevator. On my way there, I slipped and fell because my books were blocking the wet floor sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 315

By bosssssssss765432 - 16/05/2009 15:20 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 839

You deserved it 9 717

By Username - 29/10/2010 23:15 - France

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 572

You deserved it 5 876

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 266

You deserved it 6 822

By Monkeyless - 02/05/2012 03:59 - United States - Providence

Today, it was confirmed that the "no pet rule" in my apartment complex is so strict that I'm not even allowed to have sea monkeys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 269

You deserved it 2 944

By Dammit - 15/08/2009 05:22 - Canada

Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 419

You deserved it 13 860

By Nico711 - 30/03/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 335

You deserved it 186

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went over to my parents' house with my female, unspayed dog. I guess they haven’t had their dog neutered, because he tried to mount her. When I attempted to stop him, he knocked me into their stone fire pit, splitting my head and elbow open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 1 287

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 06:00 - Australia

Today, I checked my Tumblr account to see if anyone had commented on the photos of my new tattoo. There were only 3 posts, and 2 of them were people linking it to "Awful Tattoo" blogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 952

You deserved it 6 247

By FATS DOMINO - 20/10/2011 15:39 - United States

Today, my sister finally broke down and told me that our dad gambled away of all my college savings, and I would have to pay for school the best way I can. They have known for months, and when I asked why nobody told me, the reply was, "You're a college boy, we thought you would figure it out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 522

You deserved it 2 433

By lawman - 15/08/2013 13:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 686

You deserved it 3 529

By justwantingtohelp - 16/08/2013 05:02 - United States - Highland

Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 528

You deserved it 3 408

By KtSue - 12/11/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 356

You deserved it 1 879

By collball22 - 22/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable and that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something "awesome" like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 360

You deserved it 5 398

By me - 21/08/2013 23:45 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 190

You deserved it 24 088

By Beccarr - 01/07/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 650

You deserved it 45 572

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 18:02 - United States

Today, someone left sticky notes with inspirational messages on everyone's locker. Well, almost everyone. My locker was the only one without a note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 555

You deserved it 1 907

By dumped - 14/12/2011 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? His best mate got dumped yesterday and my boyfriend thought it would be 'more fun' to be 'single lads together'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 321

You deserved it 3 181

By mk - 14/06/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I had to be the one to break it to my daughter that WWE fighting was staged. She began crying. However, last month she didn't shed a single tear at her grandmother's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 520

You deserved it 5 678

Uninvolved

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 05:06

Today, I woke up to the only home I've ever known in 32 years being burned to ash by a wildfire with everything we own inside, barely getting me and my dogs out alive. My boyfriend of 3 years promised me we would work through this together, no matter what it took, only to completely ghost me a few hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 72

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - 17/09/2019 06:00

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 282

By Anonymous - 28/01/2017 02:00

Today, we found out the god-awful smell in our truck was actually coming from the whole uncooked chicken I thought the store forgot to ring up over 2 weeks ago. It had fallen out of the bag and under the passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 874

You deserved it 1 868

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 21:14 - United States

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 412

You deserved it 3 367

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 11:53 - Australia

Today, mine and my boyfriend's concerns that we are too loud in bed were definitely confirmed when his entire family stopped the movie they were watching and vacated the cinema room located directly below us. They returned and resumed a while after we were finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 876

You deserved it 36 644

By terdberglerforlyfe - 07/12/2014 20:54 - Brazil - Mogi Das Cruzes

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 747

You deserved it 4 366

By fireenginemad - 10/02/2013 06:08 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 245

You deserved it 2 162

By dan - 25/01/2010 00:50 - Canada

Today, to my surprise my girlfriend said, "I've never felt this way before." We have been dating for six months, and I knew that I loved her, so I replied, "Me neither, I love you." There was a long awkward pause. Turns out, she was talking about her abnormally painful period cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 400

You deserved it 4 578

By Anonymous - 05/06/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 955

You deserved it 4 465

By UniqueKay - 15/07/2019 06:06

Today, on our way home, my cousin, step dad and I noticed a man trying to kidnap a young girl. As good citizens, we called the police so they could catch the man. Nine police cars showed up at my house because dispatch told them we were the kidnappers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 122

By not chicken spaghetti - 18/12/2016 23:58 - United States - Clarksville

Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Rotel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 752

You deserved it 660

By hihaay - 30/09/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, while on the bus, I found out the seat I'd taken was the preferred spot of a very hostile and extremely overweight freshman. Instead of letting me find different place to sit, she half sat on me, and completely ignored my attempts to dislodge myself all the way to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 062

You deserved it 2 947

By fucked - 24/08/2014 20:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 314

You deserved it 6 177

By x - 12/11/2012 02:16 - United States - Lake Placid

Today, I finally met the girl I've been talking to on phone for a while and found her charming in person as well. There's just one problem: she has more facial hair than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 491

You deserved it 6 581

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 729

You deserved it 53 417

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Top comments

aaronfuegopop 7

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:21

BITCH!!!

te_amo_ily 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:20

nice mum of urs

te_amo_ily 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:20

nice mum of urs

ricky41397 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 10:27

I know right!?! she sounds super nice lol

Vash_41288 10

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Saturday 17 July 2010 13:59

jeez that's messed up hell of a mom ya got

tkdkid33 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 17:00

#2 u are hottt

aaronfuegopop 7

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:21

BITCH!!!

pingpongpickle 8

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:22

hahah agree

peppermintazn 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 10:20

Yes, this pissed me off >:(

hellokitten 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 10:25

"like"

pweetybby 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:25

that's not nice :(

andrewFML 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:35

whore..

te_amo_ily 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:48

hahahhaha

OwNowBrownCow 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:51

14 is buckethead

cheergirly16 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:59

I second that....I mean cmonn:/

SKwrestler 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 10:11

i third that..

nunnie 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 10:12

so sad.. |smh|

OwNowBrownCow 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 10:26

It will probably be taken off soon.

jplumbob 4

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Saturday 17 July 2010 12:26

I see 5 is looking for attention. I see nothing but an idiot. Most likely a dude posting a bogus pic.

wowthatshorrible_fml 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 18:33

if #14 is buckethead, then I see why he wears a mask.

Doopliss01 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:25

Howd ya find out?

hobozrule 4

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:25

buy her a pack of gum for her b-day

goodoldave 17

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 21:18

buy her a floppy disk

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:29

This upcoming Christmas, you should give her a box into which you scooped up neighborhood dog shit.

chimpsndip 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 11:35

Dude dont sit like that. thats the queer sit. its ok for girls but youre a guy. Man Up!

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Saturday 17 July 2010 12:50

#35, WTF are you talking about? The only sitting I'm about to do is on your mom's face!

rileykins 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:29

at least you didn't get a big bag of shit.

Arsonnist 3

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:30

someone should have been on the naughty list.

hsshae 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:31

ruin it with porn

OwNowBrownCow 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:34

YAY HOT ROLLERS!!!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 909

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 1 105

It's not you, it's me

Cigarettes or…?

Look where you're going

Uninvolved

Paper-thin walls

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