Health: Today, I am recovering from my second back surgery. I survived... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 101

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 113

22/12/2016 00:11

Today, I am recovering from my second back surgery. I survived four years in the Army with one combat tour without major injury, only to destroy my back the day after discharge by lifting my mother-in-law's suitcase into the trunk of her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 163

You deserved it 603

Empathy lives

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

You tried

25/08/2011 22:57

Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 080

You deserved it 41 743

03/11/2009 11:02

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 386

You deserved it 4 758

Booted

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 07:32

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 257

You deserved it 3 354

20/11/2014 15:23

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 919

You deserved it 3 192

28/01/2009 15:00

Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a moderator. Instead, I got banned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 037

You deserved it 32 142

27/02/2016 07:27

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 671

You deserved it 5 424

18/09/2017 20:00

Today, I dropped my 6-month-old $3,500 guitar. Luckily, it had a one year warranty from the store so I drove back. It was shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 725

You deserved it 524

14/03/2010 14:56

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 897

You deserved it 38 444

20/08/2013 13:41

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 500

You deserved it 7 755

Incognito IRL

By Stressed out mom - 07/03/2018 01:30

Today, my daughter confessed that she’s pregnant from a one-night stand with some guy she met on vacation in Florida a few months ago. The dirtbag never told her his last name and the phone number he gave her was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 808

You deserved it 3 067

27/04/2017 20:00

Today, it took me longer than it should have with a bit of calculations to remember how old I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 383

You deserved it 846

09/04/2009 12:33

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 428

You deserved it 3 192

26/10/2009 14:43

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 844

You deserved it 33 892

30/01/2012 23:51

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 391

You deserved it 9 945

12/05/2012 16:01

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 172

You deserved it 2 137

25/11/2012 15:08

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 580

You deserved it 37 821

30/01/2015 09:00

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 523

You deserved it 2 628

Special family

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 18:01

Today, my son has complex special needs, but apparently some of my deliberately ignorant relatives put no effort into learning more about his issues, and just call him "the retarded one" when they think I can’t hear them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 120

Unionize!

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 04:00

Today, my boss told me he was going to start taking money out of my pay, because his wife makes us lunch. I work for my dad, and he wants to start charging me because my mom makes me a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 943

You deserved it 210

04/06/2009 06:27

Today, my dad asked me to move a potted plant from one side of the yard to the other. It looked like a very heavy pot, so I heaved it up with all my might. Turns out it was one of those heavy-looking ones that are actually light plastic. I fell over backwards and dumped dirt into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 059

You deserved it 19 728

02/07/2011 06:44

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 954

You deserved it 5 215

29/07/2011 07:24

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 553

You deserved it 10 666

08/05/2015 17:40

Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 528

You deserved it 4 338

Two things that aren't the same

By YanezIbanez - 13/05/2021 06:01

Today, my mother called me "wasteful" because I left the refrigerator door open and that "electricity money doesn’t grow on trees." This is the same person who lets my little sister have her light on all night, because she’s scared of the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 1 263

27/03/2013 08:00

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 879

You deserved it 5 973

21/02/2013 13:43

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 890

You deserved it 11 947

23/09/2014 18:30

Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant, and perfume are not the same as a shower. It's been two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 874

You deserved it 2 928

23/01/2010 03:16

Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 085

You deserved it 40 500

20/11/2009 07:26

Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 044

You deserved it 44 197

21/12/2010 20:51

Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 810

You deserved it 11 556

Uninvolved

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 05:06

Today, I woke up to the only home I've ever known in 32 years being burned to ash by a wildfire with everything we own inside, barely getting me and my dogs out alive. My boyfriend of 3 years promised me we would work through this together, no matter what it took, only to completely ghost me a few hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 71

03/06/2017 22:00

Today, I'm stuck at the airport overnight, because my phone didn't update its time zone after flying in, so I watched my train leave, thinking mine wasn't due for another hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 448

You deserved it 1 855

24/10/2013 20:06

Spicy

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 216

You deserved it 4 086

01/12/2013 07:42

Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 480

You deserved it 3 203

26/10/2011 14:14

Today, for my birthday, instead of a cake, my friends surprised me with a castle mainly made out of bacon. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I fucking hate bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 747

You deserved it 50 189

28/04/2011 02:41

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend's present to me was that he actually flushed the toilet AND put the seat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 806

You deserved it 6 735

01/01/2009 06:22

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 176

You deserved it 5 265

24/01/2013 17:52

Today, my husband yelled at me for not doing any household chores. I can barely move my hand without suffering excruciating pain, due to recent surgery to ease my arthritis, and my other hand is as bad as ever. I can barely work this phone, let alone wash dishes and iron clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 125

You deserved it 6 335

Cognitive dissonance

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 11:01

Today, in the same conversation with the same person, I got chewed out because our kids want to spend more time with me than her, and also because the kids spend too much time with her and she can’t work from home effectively. Can anyone explain how that works? FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 73

11/01/2010 07:23

Today, my mom found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 880

You deserved it 57 488

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Monday 2 January 2017 3:25

I feel your pain. I can go a full work week on my ship humping ammo cans up and down 20 ft high ladder wells and trunks, 3 gun shoots as a line coach, and eating God awful galley food no problem. I come home and in 20 minutes I've rolled an ankle, tore a muscle in my back, and sliced my hand open while unpacking kitchen supplies from my recent PCS. The real world sucks.

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Wednesday 28 December 2016 9:17

"He's spent years training, survived a combat tour unharmed, and you want to trust an outside party to take him down?" "I'm quite confident she's the woman for the job. She… has incentives of her own." "What the fuck does that even mean?" "She's his /mother in law/."

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Wednesday 28 December 2016 9:16

I never served my country but I have sprained my back picking up a textbook at the old age of 20. It happens. Be more careful. Use your knees lol

SekTr 9

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Sunday 1 January 2017 2:50

use your buttocks! not the knees

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Wednesday 28 December 2016 9:17

"He's spent years training, survived a combat tour unharmed, and you want to trust an outside party to take him down?" "I'm quite confident she's the woman for the job. She… has incentives of her own." "What the fuck does that even mean?" "She's his /mother in law/."

urbanbigfoot 20

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Friday 30 December 2016 16:01

A+ for creativity. Made me giggle.

AverageDayGamer 8

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Wednesday 28 December 2016 9:51

It could have been the straw that broke the camels back.... pun intended. Thank you for your service, sir.

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Wednesday 28 December 2016 11:53

My father once threw his back out leaning over to spit toothpaste into the sink. At least since you're discharged, you might get something other than 800 mg Motrin and Flexeril for treatment.

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Wednesday 28 December 2016 14:09

See that's why you're supposed to lift with your back in a jerking twisting motion

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Wednesday 28 December 2016 14:10

That's how it always happens brother. 10 1/2 years in and a tour in the Middle East with no injuries, only for me to get injured my 2nd week back in a training exercise... where I was the instructor.

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Wednesday 28 December 2016 17:36

Sorry, OP, that sucks. On the plus side.... at least you have great mother-in-law joke material for the rest of your life?

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Wednesday 28 December 2016 20:08

Messed my back up by having sex. I mean wtf??? So bad I had to have back surgery last year!! Worth it? Hell yeah

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Wednesday 28 December 2016 22:07

That is really really unfortunate. And ironic.

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Wednesday 28 December 2016 22:36

That's not uncommon with back injuries. They can take on little strains and tears that have no effect until one final push brings the whole shebang down.