Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I realized my cat has a very serious case of RBF. Let me tell you, there's nothing more unnerving than turning your head and seeing a small tuxedo cat staring daggers at you for absolutely no reason. FML
Today, I meowed at my cat and he got really close to me. I then meowed again and he punched me in the face. Them's fightin' words, it seems. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML
Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML
Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. to my cat biting my face. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m pretty sure if I die in my sleep, she’ll eat me. FML
Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML
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Top comments
Tequilamockngbrd 7
Mmm, nothing like a good old-fashioned face-mauling' FML! Cats can be vicious. Don't make them feel intimidated; they'll attack. I'm sure you already know this though. F your life... and your face. Definitely your face.
arielhoee 9
It means the same thing when a guy's dick suddenly gets really big.
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Comments (158)
gpstyne 0
shorty
Tigg3r 3
I did that to my cat once....he kept his claws in though. My mom sat there laughing while I picked up the cat and said "Who is the bigger one now huh?" He squirmed and I dropped him then he ran off. Not an hour later he was curled up in my lap. FYL and your face.
GGnoRe 0
haha this FML made me lmao. The wording was great xD
Fleecy 0
Hahahah that's awesome. Reminds me of my cute little devil kitty. And when I say kitty I mean 17 year old cat who's given me many scars. Oh how I love her haha.
Witchcraft_fml 5
Mrrrrrrrowr! :3 *hiss*
faerygirl 0
Wow, didn't you know that staring at a cat is a signal of aggression? YDI for owning a cat and not knowing how to handle it. And large eyes on a cat are usually when they're hunting, playing, or fighting. Not calm. However, FYL, cause I imagine that would hurt. :(
ScaryyMary 14
It could have been worse. Other kinds of face-to-pussy contact leave you with STDs. I'll take cat scratches any day.
cheerbabe_3 0
I already knew this because I have a cat too. If their pupils grow large, it means they are going to pounce at you.
Selenemoon18 0
Cats rule the world! You should never look directly into the eyes of your masters. They punish such insolence harshly. But in all seriousness, no shit!
maxus 0
This is the first FML I've read in a while that really brought a smile to my face... I can just picture this... LMFAO. Thanks for posting :)