Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I realized my cat has a very serious case of RBF. Let me tell you, there's nothing more unnerving than turning your head and seeing a small tuxedo cat staring daggers at you for absolutely no reason. FML
Today, I meowed at my cat and he got really close to me. I then meowed again and he punched me in the face. Them's fightin' words, it seems. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML
Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML
Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. to my cat biting my face. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m pretty sure if I die in my sleep, she’ll eat me. FML
Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML
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Top comments
Tequilamockngbrd 7
Mmm, nothing like a good old-fashioned face-mauling' FML! Cats can be vicious. Don't make them feel intimidated; they'll attack. I'm sure you already know this though. F your life... and your face. Definitely your face.
arielhoee 9
It means the same thing when a guy's dick suddenly gets really big.
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Comments (158)
babeyy 0
that was amusing :)
Cassandriana 0
Haha my cat and I have staring contests all the time!
Prawn_fml 2
Why on earth would you get a cat without learning first how to communicate with it? Staring is a sign of aggression. Idiot.
DameGreyWulf 1
Well, unless OP got his cat from a breeder, I would think the communication learning starts when he brings it home. Books can't tell you everything, especially about living beings. However the staring thing is pretty much rule number one with all animals. One would assume OP would know this.
sayheyyybabe 0
I think your cat has anger issues. BTW, when their eyes get really big it generally means that something has excited them. Usually negatively. So yeah, I have staring contests with my cat sometimes. She gets bored after a while though ;)
Shannn 0
I'm sorry, but this made me laugh so hard.
CBeavers 0
#92... the yardstick coment was great
Hockeylover87_71 0
why are fml's so freaking funny when I'm supposed to be quiet????
Hockeylover87_71 0
wow myfriend_youfail, stop being so freaking immature, I bet ebonygoddess could totally kick your fat ass. go get a life.
Hockeylover87_71 0
and what does it matter to anyone how another person talks?? are you all seriously that judgemental, enough with all your crap, it's killing me!
PredyJessica 0
i guess cats are different because i can look at my cat directly and it wouldn't attack me