Animals: Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly... - FML

By nycplywood - 18/11/2009 21:01 - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 396

You deserved it 32 094

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Resting bitch face

By Meow, Bitch! - 24/07/2022 11:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I realized my cat has a very serious case of RBF. Let me tell you, there's nothing more unnerving than turning your head and seeing a small tuxedo cat staring daggers at you for absolutely no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 215

Jackson Galaxy moment

By Foreigner Fail - 25/09/2022 13:30

Today, I meowed at my cat and he got really close to me. I then meowed again and he punched me in the face. Them's fightin' words, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 361

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 249

You deserved it 7 310

Fight or flight

By hannah - 17/02/2011 05:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 845

You deserved it 4 144

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 776

You deserved it 31 273

By MouseChaser - 26/11/2009 09:22 - United States

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 964

You deserved it 28 314

By animal lover... - 05/10/2013 22:34

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 886

You deserved it 4 039

Panic!

By Only an orange cat... - 22/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 106

Your days are numbered, puny human

By Cat Mama - 22/12/2022 09:00

Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. to my cat biting my face. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m pretty sure if I die in my sleep, she’ll eat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 174

Poor Mickey

By oh, good - 15/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 252

Next

Top comments

Tequilamockngbrd 7

Thursday 19 November 2009 2:12

Mmm, nothing like a good old-fashioned face-mauling' FML! Cats can be vicious. Don't make them feel intimidated; they'll attack. I'm sure you already know this though. F your life... and your face. Definitely your face.

arielhoee 9

Thursday 19 November 2009 2:28

It means the same thing when a guy's dick suddenly gets really big.

Comments

babeyy 0

Friday 20 November 2009 8:19

that was amusing :)

Cassandriana 0

Friday 20 November 2009 18:36

Haha my cat and I have staring contests all the time!

Prawn_fml 2

Sunday 22 November 2009 11:01

Why on earth would you get a cat without learning first how to communicate with it? Staring is a sign of aggression. Idiot.

DameGreyWulf 0

Sunday 22 November 2009 21:03

Well, unless OP got his cat from a breeder, I would think the communication learning starts when he brings it home. Books can't tell you everything, especially about living beings. However the staring thing is pretty much rule number one with all animals. One would assume OP would know this.

sayheyyybabe 0

Thursday 26 November 2009 4:51

I think your cat has anger issues. BTW, when their eyes get really big it generally means that something has excited them. Usually negatively. So yeah, I have staring contests with my cat sometimes. She gets bored after a while though ;)

Shannn 0

Tuesday 12 January 2010 21:14

I'm sorry, but this made me laugh so hard.

CBeavers 0

Wednesday 20 January 2010 17:06

#92... the yardstick coment was great

Hockeylover87_71 0

Tuesday 18 May 2010 7:52

why are fml's so freaking funny when I'm supposed to be quiet????

Hockeylover87_71 0

Tuesday 18 May 2010 7:56

wow myfriend_youfail, stop being so freaking immature, I bet ebonygoddess could totally kick your fat ass. go get a life.

Hockeylover87_71 0

Tuesday 18 May 2010 8:00

and what does it matter to anyone how another person talks?? are you all seriously that judgemental, enough with all your crap, it's killing me!

PredyJessica 0

Friday 18 June 2010 0:29

i guess cats are different because i can look at my cat directly and it wouldn't attack me

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The Top

Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 72

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 007

You deserved it 21 832

The Top

Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 3 716

Today, a woman started breastfeeding her infant in a restaurant. Disgusted, I told her to take it to the bathroom, as I was eating. In response, she squirted me with milk then went back to ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 3 881

Today, I finished moving to my new apartment, which is 45 minutes away from my old one, because my workplace would be closer. I then got a phone call from my boss, telling me that he's transferring me to another location, which is closer to my old apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 958

You deserved it 2 408

Today, my redneck mother, who I parted ways from years ago, found out I became wealthy in my 30s so she turned up at my house, thinking she could just move in. Then she tried to demand the money I owed for giving birth to me, and camped on my lawn until I called the cops, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 92

Today, I woke up at 5:15, snow blowed and salted the driveway for over an hour, left early and drove an hour on shitty roads just to get to work on time only to be laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 882

You deserved it 1 875

Today, I found out that a co-worker has been promoted to Store Manager. She has been here for less than 6 months, and I have been with the company for 10 years. Guess who has been training her for the last 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 440

You deserved it 269