Health: Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day... - FML

By captainkevineff - 11/03/2010 14:44 - United States

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 947

You deserved it 3 638

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Irony at a base level

By SterlingEnigma - 25/09/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 335

You deserved it 7 366

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 994

You deserved it 3 592

By Medfail - 20/06/2016 07:13 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 656

You deserved it 13 693

By anna14 - 21/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 145

You deserved it 49 420

By WTFFAIL - 03/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 568

You deserved it 8 989

Waxing and waning

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 5 349

I've known for ages

By Crap - 28/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 7 178

By jazzie7719 - 28/09/2014 19:26 - United States - Arlington

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 009

You deserved it 4 327

By rivercitybarf - 08/08/2009 08:48 - United States

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 697

You deserved it 6 896

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 2 563

Next

Top comments

birds_fml 7

Thursday 11 March 2010 20:07

It will if you put the apple up your ass. Then there'll be no room for a qtip.

blaaaaakely 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 20:08

just pretend it's Angelina Jolie.

Comments

scarsnstars45 0

Saturday 13 March 2010 1:43

@112; thats a great name for metal song! hahaha

pooheeyore701 0

Saturday 13 March 2010 6:51

why would you even do this???

colomexparra 0

Saturday 13 March 2010 7:18

snickerdoodles is a smartass. let her defend herself.. i dont see her saying anything..u on the other hand....oh leave snickers alone blah blah. aaahhhaaahhaaa

jemm94 0

Wednesday 9 February 2011 18:24

actually...ive had countless shots at the doctors and ive never once had anything up my ass...so i have no idea whtat kind of doctor youre seeing id this is normal and frequent for you

joey2198 0

Tuesday 17 April 2012 5:24

Are you positive he was a doctor?!

magnetic_aura 26

Saturday 20 September 2014 0:09

Why? I feel this warrants a follow up. Please?

hegchog12 18

Wednesday 24 June 2015 0:10

Did he do this for a reason other than his boredom?

Keywords

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Today, I found out the person that I’ve been casually seeing has decided he wants to live with me. I found this out when I asked him to go home after two weeks sleeping over, and he told me he'd already moved out of his mom’s. I sublet a single bedroom and have barely enough room for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 147

Today, my daughter got her first period, so I went and got some products for her, certain that I knew what was needed. The lady cashier took one look in my basket and sympathetically asked if it was my daughter's first period and if I wanted help, since I clearly had no idea what I was doing. FML

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You deserved it 223

The Top

Today, it's my 21st birthday. The only person who drank with me was my elementary school principal, who I happened to run into at a bar where we were the only two people there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945

You deserved it 198

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I agree, your life sucks 30 866

You deserved it 6 295

Today, I found out my ex is applying for a job at my current company. She may be my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 598

You deserved it 3 813

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I agree, your life sucks 12 521

You deserved it 1 504

Today, my boyfriend got a text from a "close female friend." The text was of her with no shirt on, and he quickly closed his phone. His explanation was that his female friends just want his opinion on how they look. I don't know what's worse, that there are several, or that he thinks I'm that stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172

You deserved it 195

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered 3 before lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 516

You deserved it 437