Health: Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day...

By captainkevineff - 11/03/2010 14:44 - United States

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 947

You deserved it 3 638

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Same thing different taste

Irony at a base level

By SterlingEnigma - 25/09/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 335

You deserved it 7 366

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 994

You deserved it 3 592

By Medfail - 20/06/2016 07:13 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 656

You deserved it 13 693

By anna14 - 21/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 145

You deserved it 49 420

By WTFFAIL - 03/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 568

You deserved it 8 989

Waxing and waning

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 5 349

I've known for ages

By Crap - 28/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 7 178

By jazzie7719 - 28/09/2014 19:26 - United States - Arlington

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 009

You deserved it 4 327

By rivercitybarf - 08/08/2009 08:48 - United States

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 697

You deserved it 6 896

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 2 563

birds_fml 7

Thursday 11 March 2010 20:07

It will if you put the apple up your ass. Then there'll be no room for a qtip.

blaaaaakely 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 20:08

just pretend it's Angelina Jolie.

Comments

strandedinalimo 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 22:41

True, it's not like it was a box of q-tips.

shortmomma88 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 22:44

they see me trollin'... they hatin'...

Pearljammer001 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 22:51

win

waywick 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 22:48

perhaps dr nick riviera was a poor choice?

bighairdontcare 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 22:53

OP u shouldn't have taken this experience so hard!?.. that is unless your an undercover gayyyy!!!!! muwahhahahaha *evil laugh*

Compass 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 22:57

You're supposed to eat the apples, dumbass.

nessalujin 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 23:02

I got a finger shoved up my ass

I_am_stupid_also 6

Thursday 11 March 2010 23:44

That explains a lot.

astro_plastic 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 23:02

At least they just stuck the tip in.

texasjalapeno_fml 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 23:04

u sure it was a q-tip?????XD lol

feverinurbeaver 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 23:07

then the real doctor came in and said " what's going on?! haha

blackandgold 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 23:14

Suck it up, it's not that big of a deal. You're being a giant pussy. I bet it sucked a lot worse for the doctor.

Keywords

Relatable Public freakouts Health Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Transportation Bikes Cops Kids Fight Family AITA Mother in law Miscellaneous Relationship advice Love Social Media Art Work Students Birds Sleep Noise Animals Mental health Contraception

The Top

Today, I took a girl on a date. This girl is tiny, about 4 ft 10 and petite. She ordered a 16 inch pizza, garlic bread, wings, fries, and multiple drinks, and damn if she didn’t eat every bite of it, it was impressive. Until we were screwing later and she vomited the whole meal down my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 167

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 589

The Top

Today, the manager that made my life a living hell for 3 years, who was demoted 6 weeks ago and transferred to another store, was transferred back to us as a salesperson. Now we work side by side 42 hours a week on the same exact schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 289

You deserved it 185

Today, my boss fired me because I corrected him after he misspoke during a meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 788

You deserved it 35 782

Today, at the age of 24, the only way I can remember anything at all is if I repeat it over and over again like a mantra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 86

Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 522

You deserved it 1 435

Today, my manager told my shift that if we didn't have the quota filled for cinnamon rolls by tonight, we were all out of a job. One of the machines we use to wrap cinnamon rolls just started acting up. We also aren't allowed to take over time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 884

You deserved it 166

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 435

You deserved it 3 478

Same thing different taste

Irony at a base level

Waxing and waning

I've known for ages

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