Health: Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day... - FML

By captainkevineff - 11/03/2010 14:44 - United States

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 947

You deserved it 3 638

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Same thing different taste

Irony at a base level

By SterlingEnigma - 25/09/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 335

You deserved it 7 366

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 994

You deserved it 3 592

By Medfail - 20/06/2016 07:13 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 656

You deserved it 13 693

By anna14 - 21/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 145

You deserved it 49 420

By WTFFAIL - 03/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 568

You deserved it 8 989

Waxing and waning

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 5 349

I've known for ages

By Crap - 28/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 7 178

By jazzie7719 - 28/09/2014 19:26 - United States - Arlington

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 009

You deserved it 4 327

By rivercitybarf - 08/08/2009 08:48 - United States

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 697

You deserved it 6 896

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 2 563

Next

Top comments

birds_fml 7

Thursday 11 March 2010 20:07

It will if you put the apple up your ass. Then there'll be no room for a qtip.

blaaaaakely 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 20:08

just pretend it's Angelina Jolie.

Comments

DavMC 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 23:19

an apple a day does keep the doctor away but only if u throw them hard enough 2 knock the bastard out :)

feverinurbeaver 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 23:28

today, a patient made me stick a q-tip in his ass FML

Drumr3oy 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 23:42

bet u liked it!

Theblue_fml 0

Friday 12 March 2010 0:08

are you sure it was a Q-tip?

Dwight_A_R_Manag 0

Friday 12 March 2010 0:29

snickers try sticking a Qtip up your ass and swirl it around

SMackdaCat 0

Friday 12 March 2010 0:51

What?! what?! Surprise Buttsecks!!! ...better a Q-tip then that apple ...Or did u just think it was a Q-tip? rofl

Monikabug 9

Friday 12 March 2010 0:58

Okay, woah! All that Snickerdoodles was saying is that having a Q-Tip in your butt is not the worst thing in the world to happen to a man. The OP's life is certainly not ****** just because this happened, so yes, BOO HOO for him. I think most people are missing the point on this one. The OP never said that his doctor put a Q-Tip in his butt for no reason. He probably needed something examed and was trying to make a joke out of his experience by saying an apple a day wouldn't stop it.

Danftw 0

Friday 12 March 2010 0:58

ive had one in the pisshole before, its nothin.... ****** man up people!

hondabikez 2

Friday 12 March 2010 1:46

better than fingers!

trumpetGIRL12345 0

Friday 12 March 2010 4:04

that must have been the worst dentist appointment ever huh.

morgan020 0

Friday 12 March 2010 6:47

haha

trumpetGIRL12345 0

Thursday 22 April 2010 4:24

yay someone with a good sense of humor

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Health Relatable Public freakouts Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Family Kids Fight Miscellaneous AITA Mother in law Love Relationship advice Social Media Art Work Students Animals Birds Sleep Noise Mental health Contraception

The Top

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 183 654

Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 76

The Top

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 501

You deserved it 46 390

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 239

You deserved it 9 205

Today, I was headbanging so hard to a song in the shower that I hit my head on the wall and got a concussion. I'm now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 2 157

Today, I got engaged. When I called my father, who is out of state for a few days, to tell him, his response was, "What'd you do that for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 389

You deserved it 2 901

Today, I sprained my knee while going down on one knee to propose to my girlfriend. She laughed as I rolled in pain. I still haven't gotten an answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 760

You deserved it 4 756

Today, at work, a woman fainted, and an extremely attractive cop came in to help. I ended up running into him an hour later. Seeing as though I'm not very shy or a nervous person, I struck up a conversation with him, thinking it must be fate. I ended up fumbling my words so much he asked if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 157

You deserved it 7 377