Miscellaneous: Today, I was extremely stressed because I lost my ATM card, so...

By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, I was extremely stressed because I lost my ATM card, so I reconstructed my day, eventually finding it in the freezer. FML

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Miscellaneous

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Mondegreens

Can't do the time? Don't do the crime!

By Ashy104 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I looked skinny in my shorts. She jiggled my leg fat, looked up at me and walked away. FML

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14740

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26299

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By georgiahick

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40653

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6078

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35828

You deserved it

11633

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By soawkward - Canada

Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32932

You deserved it

5123

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By why mom, why? - United States - Ross

Today, my mother threw away my brand new headphones. She saw them on the couch with duct tape on the wires and assumed they were "old, broken, and cheap." I put the tape there to avoid damaging the wires. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48531

You deserved it

14313

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By diplomaless - United States

Today, I found out the high school I have been doing at home for the past 3 years isn't accredited and doesn't count for anything. I'm 18 and starting high school as a freshman next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61380

You deserved it

19576

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By Danielle22291 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, as a waitress at Denny's, I had a 25 top table. Only 3 of them spoke English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4813

You deserved it

451

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was looking for a parking spot and finally found one. Trying to figure out if the spot was legal, I asked a cop that had pulled up. He said it was fine. I came back 3 hours later to a parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42882

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3989

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By Nalya - France

Today, my boss told me that we are having a big meeting tomorrow, with lots of important people. Before leaving the room he added "Please, tomorrow, try to dress better." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20798

You deserved it

6391

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By nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares - United States - Allen

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33227

You deserved it

9079

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By shit streak

KoBabe

Today, my husband was changing our son’s overflowing diaper. Instead of getting up and walking the putrid mess to the bin, he decided to shoot it basketball-style. He missed and it hit the wall, sliding down leaving a huge sloppy streak. He expected me to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2192

You deserved it

196

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was called into my first day of work as a cashier. Not even 30 minutes into training, my boss had already "accidentally" touched my ass 7 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32161

You deserved it

2705

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By jasmine

Today, my daughter is 16 hours-old and cries every time I pick her up, and refuses to be breast fed. She loves sleeping peacefully in her dad’s arms, and being bottle-fed by him. My 16 hour-old baby hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2076

You deserved it

294

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By tmac05 - United States

Today, the waiter farted while I was on a date. My date thought it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33761

You deserved it

2992

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29556

You deserved it

16794

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By Promo girl - Australia

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks

27262

You deserved it

2339

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By Anonymous - Malaysia

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32042

You deserved it

3111

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By Anonymous

Today, after 38 years of never meeting my dad, and paying a private investigator thousands of pounds over several weeks of searching, I found him living 2 floors down in the same block of flats. He’s the grouchy downstairs neighbour I’ve hated for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5948

You deserved it

440

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24623

You deserved it

3702

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By hiitisbrooke - United States - Dearborn

Today, I texted my friend asking if he'd like to join my "porno group". I meant promo. I quickly texted back correcting the mistake, but not before I received the nudes he sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26810

You deserved it

4691

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By KC - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30317

You deserved it

8699

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By feminismlol - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my first meeting at the university women's group, excited to become a more involved feminist. The first item on the meeting's agenda? The upcoming bake sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12810

You deserved it

29117

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By Tytonic - United States - Washington

Today, I took a few Advil. They weren't Advil. My dad mixed the containers and I have no idea what I just took. FML

I agree, your life sucks

587

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By Wtf - United States - Peoria

Today, I was asked to babysit for a family that attends the daycare I work at. All of my coworkers warned me that they were rough kids but I shrugged it off. As soon as the parents left, the 7-year-old girl said, "Oh good now I can focus on death and my plans". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5889

You deserved it

797

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By samdog37 - 1/12/2020 14:06

Mopping mad

Today, my brand-obsessed sister bought $200 shorts. She was cutting the tag off of them in the kitchen and left them on the counter. I went into the kitchen, poured me some coke, and spilled it all over the counter. I thought the shorts were a rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

765

You deserved it

280

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2021 21:30

Loud and clear

Today, I found out that my husband wants to leave me. I got the message loud and clear when his girlfriend forwarded me screenshots of all their texts. FML

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1001

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By mjayne17 - Canada

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house. One thing led to another, and we were just getting to the good parts when his mom walks in. After a long, awkward pause, she says "I like your socks" and walks out. She is a teacher at my highschool. I have to see her everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51939

You deserved it

22218

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By KS - United States

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49179

You deserved it

8920

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By Wow - United States - Sanford

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28815

You deserved it

3304

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By qx5 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9501

You deserved it

57950

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By not-so-happy-feet - Canada

Today, I was at my friends birthday party, dancing bare foot because my feet hurt from the heels. Apparently, someone dropped a glass on the dancefloor and didn't warn anybody. I ended up having to drive myself to the emergency room because all my friends were "having too much fun to leave." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49951

You deserved it

6435

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By Mikey - United States

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26445

You deserved it

46227

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By cerealfail

Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27709

You deserved it

4362

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 14:08 - United States - Sacramento

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today, my daughter repeated what she had heard her grandma say when asked to say grace. It happened to be, "Dear God, why the fuck did we invite all these assholes to Thanksgiving?" I don't want to attend any more family gatherings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

793

You deserved it

103

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By Emily - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via the medium of free-style rapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36051

You deserved it

4581

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By Anonymous - Afghanistan - Kabul

Today, thinking we'd still be able to finish our project in time for tomorrow's deadline, my work group put off doing any work until today. When we logged into the website we have to use, we found it was down for maintenance all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23709

You deserved it

48386

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By footscratching - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32458

You deserved it

4459

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By yum. - United States

Today, I went out to eat with some friends. They picked a table that wasn't big enough for all of us. I had to sit in the booth behind them. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75267

You deserved it

4723

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By Wobblefat

Today, I was watching porn when I found a lookalike of my soon-to-be sister-in-law. She's attractive, so I enjoyed watching her getting it on by herself. Needless to say I did not finish as I saw another "lookalike" entering the room. I have now seen my brothers erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11854

You deserved it

4290

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By j

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32506

You deserved it

4526

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Top comments

By Druu | 53

#7458031 - Saturday 20 May 2017 21:08

Cold, hard cash?

By ShortieRose | 30

#7458055 - Saturday 20 May 2017 22:31

Talk about freezing your assets!

COMMENTS

By Druu | 53

#7458031 - Saturday 20 May 2017 21:08

Cold, hard cash?

By species4872 | 19

#7458034 - Saturday 20 May 2017 21:17

It'll be a cold day in hell if you ever lose that again.

By ShortieRose | 30

#7458055 - Saturday 20 May 2017 22:31

Talk about freezing your assets!

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7458057 - Saturday 20 May 2017 22:36

at least it wasn't permanently lost!

By Talented73 | 54

#7458062 - Saturday 20 May 2017 22:56

You said "hard".... Huh-huh'huh....

By RichardPencil | 30

#7458069 - Saturday 20 May 2017 23:08

Usually, when a card is misplaced, you freeze the account.

Little Richard | 11

#7458156 - Sunday 21 May 2017 8:30

Or you find it in the freezer.

By Rebecca Stockert | 16

#7458070 - Saturday 20 May 2017 23:08

its always the last place you look

By bosniangirl27 | 21

#7458117 - Sunday 21 May 2017 2:46

Just one question. How?

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7458123 - Sunday 21 May 2017 4:21

I've heard of frozen accounts, but this is just ridiculous!

By RinoaHeartilly | 36

#7458138 - Sunday 21 May 2017 7:06

Hey! You found it! Quit complaining.