Miscellaneous: Today, I was extremely stressed because I lost my ATM card, so...

By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, I was extremely stressed because I lost my ATM card, so I reconstructed my day, eventually finding it in the freezer. FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

Out of it

Life of Brian

By unknown

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

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By Oops

Today, I submitted some honest negative feedback to the customer service team of all my favourite games, Today is also the day all my accounts got permanently banned from my console and I have lost all my progress. Bye bye 22 years. FML

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By pandaboo - United States

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

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37147

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By chris - 5/5/2020 14:00

Frustration level 100

Today, I saw my bike locked outside a Starbucks down the street from my house. It was stolen about 10 days ago from my communal laundry room. There was even a cop parked across the street, but I have no proof to show that bike even belonged to me. FML

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1509

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

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42752

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By Anonymous - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

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42855

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4762

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By anonymous - United States

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

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29334

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By CassafrasSss - United States - Naperville

Today, after months of hard work, planning, and preparation, I held the reception for my first art show at a gallery. Nobody showed up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rochester

Today, the man that I have a crush on finally touched me. This would have been great, if not for the fact that it was to roll me on my side while I was having a seizure. FML

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28306

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By time to buy a gun - United States - Carolina

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

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23919

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By whoslade - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

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28831

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2021 20:01

Red flag

Today, I tried therapy to talk about my problems without feeling like i am harassing anyone. After messaging a therapist for over 2 hours, I felt way better and finally understood. It turned out I'm in such a bad mental state that I'm a danger to myself and others. Police were called by the therapist. FML

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1074

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By cassiebee - United States - Morgan

Today, at work I was trying to be nice and give a customer a discount because she was having trouble finding money to pay for her food. Everybody behind her then demanded a discount as well. FML

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15075

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By jester777 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

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12512

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was informed from a fellow employee at a bar that he finally "hit" the boss' wife. I work for my parents. FML

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72139

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2020 20:01

Toxic parents

Today, my mom caught me vaping weed oil and tried to ground me. I’m 33 years old, with my own wife and kids, weed is legal in this state with a medical card, and I use it to treat the seizures I’ve had since mom belted me around the head as a kid, giving me brain damage. FML

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2835

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201

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By Anonymous - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

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29355

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By lapines01

Today, I went on a date with this really cute guy. We were walking in a park and decided to go on the swings. As I was swinging super high up, I threw up. FML

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1400

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305

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By Ready to break up - 8/1/2021 05:01 - United States - Hesperia

Smells like victory

Today, my girlfriend and her best friend have been in a contest to see who can go the longest without showering. They’ve just hit day 22. They smell so bad, I can’t stand to be in the same room with them anymore. I'm really about to dump her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1147

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233

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By the long distance guy - United States - Waterbury

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

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47668

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By Anonymous - United States - Sparks

Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML

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21797

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By brendejafulable - 15/8/2020 14:02

Talk to me

Today, I had a conversation about how my day was, while dreaming. That’s how lonely I am. FML

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1217

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139

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML

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34275

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By SF49 - United States

Dingdong

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

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44765

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

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46418

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By noonotme - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

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27379

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

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49090

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By I Don't Exorcise - United States - Shawnee

Today, I realized I was getting a bit chubbier than usual. I decided to go for a little jog to stay in shape. Little did I know, my neighbors that just moved in brought along with them, a fully grown German Shepherd. Not tamed. My "jog" quickly turned into a "sprint for my life". FML

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29961

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By dessy - United States - San Diego

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick up a few things from the store for him while he was at work. After picking up everything he asked for, I wasn't left with much money so I used $50 from my account. When he got home he then grumbled about me spending all of "his" money. FML

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12739

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By LXA429 - United States

Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML

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6846

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By Ciara - Ireland - Cork

Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10219

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

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16379

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By Uh-oh - Australia

Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML

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7215

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By Anonymous - United States - Louisville

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

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40530

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23070

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By Ataraxia - United States

Today, I woke up to the realization that the 2-hour nap I wanted to take before I went out with my friends last night was actually a 12-hour nap. I missed everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15962

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By Sprtsgeek13 - United States - Camden

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27338

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a friends trampoline trying to convince my mom trampolines are safe and I should get one. While telling her I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45376

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By Burp - United States

Today, I traveled by plane for the first time. Once in the air, I was absolutely terrorized by the whole experience. Luckily, they had free booze on board, so I necked some to steady my nerves. Unfortunately, the vodka mixed with air turbulence made me spurt some vomit into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10430

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By Anonymous - Australia - Rosebery

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

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56065

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Top comments

By Druu | 53

#7458031 - Saturday 20 May 2017 21:08

Cold, hard cash?

By ShortieRose | 30

#7458055 - Saturday 20 May 2017 22:31

Talk about freezing your assets!

COMMENTS

By Druu | 53

#7458031 - Saturday 20 May 2017 21:08

Cold, hard cash?

By species4872 | 19

#7458034 - Saturday 20 May 2017 21:17

It'll be a cold day in hell if you ever lose that again.

By ShortieRose | 30

#7458055 - Saturday 20 May 2017 22:31

Talk about freezing your assets!

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7458057 - Saturday 20 May 2017 22:36

at least it wasn't permanently lost!

By Talented73 | 54

#7458062 - Saturday 20 May 2017 22:56

You said "hard".... Huh-huh'huh....

By RichardPencil | 29

#7458069 - Saturday 20 May 2017 23:08

Usually, when a card is misplaced, you freeze the account.

Little Richard | 10

#7458156 - Sunday 21 May 2017 8:30

Or you find it in the freezer.

By Rebecca Stockert | 16

#7458070 - Saturday 20 May 2017 23:08

its always the last place you look

By bosniangirl27 | 21

#7458117 - Sunday 21 May 2017 2:46

Just one question. How?

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7458123 - Sunday 21 May 2017 4:21

I've heard of frozen accounts, but this is just ridiculous!

By RinoaHeartilly | 36

#7458138 - Sunday 21 May 2017 7:06

Hey! You found it! Quit complaining.