Love: Today, I sprained my knee while going down on one knee to propose...

By smoothmove - 26/06/2011 04:29 - United States

Today, I sprained my knee while going down on one knee to propose to my girlfriend. She laughed as I rolled in pain. I still haven't gotten an answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 691

You deserved it 4 741

Love

Age difference

The smell detective is on the case

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Gone but not forgotten

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 18:01 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I received an email saying, "Thinking of you and hoping you are taking care." It was from the love of my life. We broke up 20 years ago. Previously, we had contact every 5+ years. It's just too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 114

By Lordy - 03/08/2016 11:33 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I went to work to find a picture on my desk of me with my buttcrack showing put there by an anonymous person. FM

I agree, your life sucks 13 577

You deserved it 2 433

By livgasms - 18/08/2011 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 722

You deserved it 5 090

By lifedoessuck12 - 19/07/2009 14:13 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started day dreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone went up to me and said "Try not to be so obvious". Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 777

You deserved it 11 728

By curly_eyelashes - 24/02/2013 14:30 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 750

You deserved it 14 404

By Anonymous - 22/02/2013 07:57 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 462

You deserved it 8 075

By MoonStarShine3 - 09/06/2015 16:12 - United Kingdom - Chorley

Today, my boss yelled at me for being 3 hours late. I was late because I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. Apparently, breaking my arm is not a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 362

You deserved it 2 054

By jacked - 17/04/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 002

You deserved it 9 723

By 99jellybean - 26/01/2016 03:02 - United States - Rochester

Today, a girl in my class threw a temper tantrum. Why? Because she wanted my seat. We're in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 168

You deserved it 1 418

Chemical warfare

By Danielle Heichelbech - 08/11/2020 08:02 - United States

Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 11/07/2013 14:24 - United States

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 587

You deserved it 13 052

Break time

By Samantha K - 19/10/2020 20:08

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 178

By AwkwardMoments - 26/01/2017 14:00

Today, while napping on the couch, I had a very vivid dream about a girl I like. I woke up to my mother and father choking back laughter and recording me on their phones. I don't know what's worse: waking up with a boner in front of my parents or finding out I was also talking dirty in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 824

You deserved it 673

By melissa1028 - 18/10/2014 02:23 - United States

Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I never got a response from him, so I gave him a call after a while. His 9-year-old son answered. Apparently he was getting a haircut at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 464

You deserved it 10 249

By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 19:00 - United States - Royersford

Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 229

You deserved it 5 705

By joolsie - 28/02/2010 02:03 - United Kingdom

Today, after a particularly gruesome nightmare about spiders due to my irrational phobia, I decided to try and desensitise myself by googling 'house spiders'. I can't stop the feeling of something crawling over every inch of my body, but at least I now know they can live up to six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 664

You deserved it 7 321

Family issues

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 09:01 - Canada - Niagara-on-the-lake

Today, I found out from my ex-stepmother that my dad and lied about having cancer to cover up the fact that he was losing weight from doing drugs again. He lied about it for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 63

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 07:13 - United States - Eagle Point

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 036

You deserved it 3 524

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 19:54 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 056

You deserved it 3 157

By Anon - 27/07/2009 07:32 - Singapore

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 710

You deserved it 4 847

By brylynn - 26/08/2012 01:58 - United States

Today, I fainted during my sister's wedding because my dress was too tight. When I woke up, she slapped me hard across the face. Why? Because I "took all the attention away" from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 084

You deserved it 7 758

By StudMuffinette - 18/07/2011 19:40 - United States

Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet shih tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 176

You deserved it 2 962

By Flicker - 14/05/2009 07:23 - Australia

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 850

You deserved it 12 579

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 06:00

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 512

You deserved it 792

By Forgetful godmother - 14/03/2019 16:00

Today, I learned that my son’s godmother forgot about the baptism date and booked a family holiday to Italy. Her mother is also on the trip and she is the officiant. I gave them both the date over 6 months ago. Everything is already booked on our side for that date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 118

You deserved it 249

By fappy dog - 23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 509

You deserved it 11 238

By not a brain cell in sight - 16/06/2013 20:20 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 213

You deserved it 4 273

By thekriss - 23/08/2012 20:28 - France - Paris

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 854

You deserved it 12 056

By medstudent - 04/02/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 312

You deserved it 9 925

By ===== - 14/01/2014 17:59 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, the sewage pipe busted on the side of our house, spew fecal matter and the condoms I recently flushed. My parents now refuse to talk to me, and won't let my girlfriend anywhere near the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 602

You deserved it 49 892

You mug

By IHateMyLife - 25/03/2021 02:01 - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, it should have been my day off from work because I did a lot of night shifts. At 6 a.m., my boss called told me that my day off was canceled, because a coworker is ill. Now I'm sitting here on a night shift with a pinched nerve in my shoulder and a lot of pain, just because I stretched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 60

Smelly business

By skunkcat - 11/03/2020 21:00 - United States

Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 1 643

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, I was running the drive-thru window at work, when a man pulled up with his dog in the seat next to him. As he was counting out his change, the dog leaned over his hand and drooled all over it. Not only did he pay exclusively in coins, those coins were slimy from dog drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 850

You deserved it 2 873

By me - 20/12/2011 03:53 - United States

Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 129

You deserved it 2 449

SORRY!

By imsorry - 14/01/2015 23:57 - United States - Oakland

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 091

You deserved it 7 766

By calgarygal - 23/11/2016 02:53

Today, I found out the little blue thing that my roommate has been sterilizing by boiling in our shared coffee maker, is a menstrual cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 595

You deserved it 730

Love hurts

By Sam - 27/08/2020 23:02 - Canada

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition where blood vessels in my brain spasm just before orgasm, resulting in me getting a wicked migraine that lasts for days. The only cure? No more orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 444

You deserved it 116

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 123

Smelly Thrones

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 20:00

Today, I hate this time of year, not only because everything is pumpkin spice, but because of Bath and Body work sales. I work in an office full of women, and when Bath and Body has a sale, it's Game Of Smell Thrones in the office. My allergies then act up, and I handle the office phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 247

By Anonymous - 16/08/2018 03:30

Today, I failed a final presentation. My partner, who did none of the research, presented the entire project, talking over me and glaring when I spoke up. He denied everything and the professor didn't believe me. Now I have to retake this class with the same professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 464

You deserved it 267

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Top comments

that1kid82 2

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:18

What you need, is a proposal pillow.

TheCrazyAli28 1

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:15

hmm what a nice fiancé

TheCrazyAli28 1

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:15

hmm what a nice fiancé

borichick1 0

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:18

if she even said yes! lol

fthislyfe 22

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:34

I'm so sorry, i hope she says yes, then you'll laugh whenever u remember this proposal, and u'll tell your children!

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:45

iiirrrrrooooonnnnyyyy!! get use to it, marriage is nothing but pain. except the sex, the sex is good.

chlorinegreen 27

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Sunday 26 June 2011 14:26

hmm that's weird. I didn't know you could do that! well I guess if you can dislocate your collar bone from just removing a bra you can do anything. tough luck. I wouldn't of laughed but I guess try try again.

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Sunday 26 June 2011 19:45

I find that whenever there is an FML posted about a boy/girl being rude to one another someone always comments: "what a nice boy/girlfriend. Tres annoying.

TheCrazyAli28 1

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Sunday 26 June 2011 23:56

wellllll, I find that when another someone decides to comment on the original comment, it is frankly a waste of your time and ours because its already been posted. its also quite annoying

l0606299 0

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Monday 27 June 2011 8:23

awhhh... well isn't she a keeper!!!

dathan 14

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 7:13

No, she's not.

hideyoself 4

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:17

Lose some weight bro and step up your game.

Mysanitywins 10

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:38

Good assuming. Cause you know it makes an ass out of me and boners ;)

LikeaPRESIDENT 0

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Sunday 26 June 2011 14:36

just cause he sprained his leg doesn't mean he's fat.

xlord 27

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Sunday 26 June 2011 15:02

I hope this doesn't "strain" his relationship

dre_bro11 12

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Sunday 26 June 2011 15:30

2, 'hideyoself' before you get raped for your fucked up comment.

Sniper_Fidelis 1

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Monday 27 June 2011 11:58

Herp derp bro

Sniper_Fidelis 1

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Monday 27 June 2011 11:58

Herp derp bro

crazyanthonySF 0

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:17

you shouldnt wait for an answer if she laughed at you when youre in pain then why marry her

notsocrazee 0

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Sunday 26 June 2011 17:35

sometimes it's hard to tell if people are joking about an iinjury.

takeapieandrun 9

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:17

Wow, that's harsh.

NomOnShroomz 14

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Monday 27 June 2011 1:23

Wait was she laughing at you getting hurt or the proposal.... well I guess it's pretty bad both ways.

KennKenn 0

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:17

The answer better be Yes.

hodgepodge365 8

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Sunday 26 June 2011 17:11

hahaha, good one

that1kid82 2

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:18

What you need, is a proposal pillow.

ChrisLTC 3

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Sunday 26 June 2011 13:46

*Patent pending

Insomniaddict 0

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Sunday 26 June 2011 15:33

This.

1215116a 14

Sunday 26 June 2011 16:10

I read your comment in an Italian accent. :)

remain 3

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Sunday 26 June 2011 19:48

hahahah good one!!!!

pamelax3 6

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Monday 27 June 2011 0:59

Take it to 'Shark Tank.'

btown1616 0

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:18

dump her ass

lyssaisyourgirl 7

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Sunday 26 June 2011 15:22

agreed

CryMoreFMLs 14

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Sunday 26 June 2011 18:54

well btiwn, since you have such a charming girlfriend / spouse in that picture, I'll tell you why not. How would you feel if you tried to propose to her, and you slipped and busted your tailbone. Then she just laughs. Feeling good yet? No, I didn't think so.

CryMoreFMLs 14

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Sunday 26 June 2011 19:17

btown* I hate my iphone.

Chuckles420 0

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:19

Sucks for you. What a bitch though dude.

MEM0817 18

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Sunday 26 June 2011 12:20

No answer is your answer...

ImaginaryFoe 0

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Sunday 26 June 2011 15:26

Agreed. Laughter may have been her answer as well. Maybe it wasn't even the sprained ankle that made her laugh but, if it was, "sickness and health" is going to be a misery, Cut your losses.