Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML
Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML
Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML
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Top comments
staymonkey 1
thats pretty pathetic.
rexmaxus 0
some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.
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Comments (458)
chocolate_heart 0
ok, i am not a fan of twilight, but i find it funny that all the guys hate twilight caus all the girls love edward cullen and they are afraid they are going to lose to a fictional character. i mean come on it is just a book, so get over it, yeah sure we all want a edward cullen, but i would be pretty freaked kissing a cold stone like vampire, i mean you would be pretty disturbed to want that. and i find it pretty gross that girls over 19 are still swooning over a book. grow up. i am 13, i read the book, watched the movie, no big deal. get on with your life, and if you can't, your less mature than a 13 yr old.
Socomsnake 11
This post fails so hard, it needs to be on Failblog
krysxkatastrophe 14
YDI for liking twilight
happy_animal_lov 0
YDI for being a twilight addict >< ******* hate those books
georgieporgie 0
hahahaha! that's funny :P
DemonChild13 0
wow, someones a retard. EDWARD CULLEN ISNT REAL!!!! no one from that series is. will all you obsesive twilight fans get that through your head? gez. this is why I don't like most of the worlds female population.
_GODZILLA_ 0
Twilight is lame. Besides who would want to kiss a fricking ice cold set of lips anyway? Gross.
kman666 0
wow twighlt is gay and th Edward guy iz a fag fag fag major fag
thefmlinator 10
I KNOW lets all cover ourselves with glitter and bite her to death (no wait she'd probably enjoy that)
DMinimo 0
This is what happens when you read/watch too much twilight lol