Love: Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes...

By banana - 04/02/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

agreeclassic 42 081

vote type 1 8 700

New Year, New Blunders
Celebrate the New Year with stories of resolutions broken in less than 24 hours and memorable New Year's Eves... for all the wrong reasons! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 06:19 - United States - New Castle

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

agreeclassic 20 205

vote type 1 55 585

By Anonymous - 19/05/2012 02:35 - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

agreeclassic 30 521

vote type 1 2 376

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

agreeclassic 56 382

vote type 1 7 208

Discrimination

By joe - 02/01/2009 11:09 - France

Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald. FML

agreeclassic 11 449

vote type 1 38 011

By maybe dead in a day - 20/01/2013 19:28 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

agreeclassic 40 902

vote type 1 4 254

Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

agreeclassic 1 596

vote type 1 481

By Anonymous - 12/07/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

agreeclassic 21 962

vote type 1 16 368

Inked

By damnit - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

agreeclassic 16 951

vote type 1 64 730

Body mod

By Anonymous - 25/09/2025 15:00

Today, I got my boyfriend shirtless for the first time and I noticed that he had unusual flat nipples. I asked about it and he said that since men don’t need them and he didn’t like them making small pokies under his T-shirt, he cut them off with a razor when he was 19. Um, WHAT? FML

agreeclassic 443

vote type 1 85

By coop42 - 15/01/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

agreeclassic 47 119

vote type 1 6 084

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 13:25

I'm not sure how this makes your life suck. I think this is pretty awesome and am now going to go shave my name into my chest hair.

exceptyourheart 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 10:21

that's amazing. i'm sorry....but that's just absolutely amazing.

Comments

lissn 0

Friday 12 March 2010 15:02

I fail to see the FML in this.

samson111 0

Thursday 18 March 2010 7:01

ya...... wow

WTFSarai 0

Wednesday 7 April 2010 5:28

I'm telling my boyfriend to do this. 8D

IchbinSyn 0

Saturday 1 May 2010 12:23

Gross I would leave at that point

jrkarikas 0

Sunday 9 May 2010 3:29

lol I'm so going 2 do that!

n33mb 0

Monday 7 June 2010 14:56

hahaha thats awesome

danyfuckinheatle 0

Saturday 19 June 2010 6:58

sooooo clutch!!! fick yeah!!!!!

qwertyass 0

Friday 2 July 2010 20:10

T O O L ....Am I Right?

david555 0

Saturday 24 July 2010 9:07

i have a feeling this is fake

pieintheface 0

Thursday 5 August 2010 2:40

that's one badass mofo

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML

agreeclassic 30 754

vote type 1 2 866

Today, I took my mom out to a fancy restaurant, and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present. Later, my little brother drew her a card with crayons on pink construction paper. She cried. He's 20 years-old. FML

agreeclassic 66 035

vote type 1 6 420

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

agreeclassic 26 485

vote type 1 46 372

Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML

agreeclassic 16 530

vote type 1 37 957

Today, while hugging my sister's husband, I accidentally let out a "Mmm…" sound in front my whole family. FML

agreeclassic 424

vote type 1 1 144

Today, I asked my mum when she gets the urge to smoke. The answer I was looking for was "After I eat" or maybe even "When I'm tired." What I got was "Every second since you were born." FML

agreeclassic 46 654

vote type 1 5 694