Love: Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes...

By banana - 04/02/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 059

You deserved it 8 693

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 06:19 - United States - New Castle

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 189

You deserved it 55 560

By Anonymous - 19/05/2012 02:35 - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 492

You deserved it 2 357

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 359

You deserved it 7 199

Discrimination

By joe - 02/01/2009 11:09 - France

Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 442

You deserved it 37 935

By maybe dead in a day - 20/01/2013 19:28 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 871

You deserved it 4 248

Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 472

By Anonymous - 12/07/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 948

You deserved it 16 359

Inked

By damnit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 937

You deserved it 64 674

By bojangles - 28/02/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 270

You deserved it 47 966

By coop42 - 15/01/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 104

You deserved it 6 076

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 13:25

I'm not sure how this makes your life suck. I think this is pretty awesome and am now going to go shave my name into my chest hair.

exceptyourheart 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 10:21

that's amazing. i'm sorry....but that's just absolutely amazing.

Comments

alex_vik 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 10:38

Now that is manly.

Fnukk 0

Monday 23 March 2009 22:42

Agreeing with #2, he is probably the coolest person in existance.

Arkanzo 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 5:11

hahahaha this is the manliest person ever!

Eladar 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 14:11

This guy is actually just made up of EPIC WIN!!!

electromagnetic 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:55

next time it's time to get freaky, play his game and trim your bush into your initials

warrenhv 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 0:41

possibly the coolest thing I've ever heard FML?? I think not

23232323 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 4:57

reminds me of 40-year-old virgin

dearViena 0

Monday 27 April 2009 17:17

he's just got a strong personality :)

24788 6

Wednesday 29 April 2009 21:37

I shave all my chest hair. I would find this very disturbing if I saw it.

bsaucedo 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 0:45

win !

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Awkward Family Public freakouts Weddings Bodyshaming AITA Cops Cars Transportation Sexism Kids Work Relatable Health Growing old Mental health Animals Cats Periods Job interview Education Social Media Stalker Instagram Phobias Spiders Ironic Ecology

The Top

Today, I learned that my husband “accidentally” let the dog out and allowed her to be eaten by an alligator because I got a male coworker, who is also a good friend of mine, a birthday present. We had an argument about our friendship, which apparently bothers him. I’d had that dog since I was a junior in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 87

Today, I have a horribly painful throat infection and can't talk. In spite of this, Dad keeps insisting I call people for him, meaning I have to make use of a text to speech program. Eight out of twelve people I've called on his behalf have hung up, thinking I'm a scambot. Dad is blaming me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 88

The Top

Today, my sweet tooth went to a whole different level when I took a swig out of a bottle of maple syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 131

You deserved it 12 275

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 547

You deserved it 12 592

Today, I realized just how much of my life I’ve wasted. I was always raised with the “What will people think?” ideology by religious zealots. The anxiety it gave me influenced everything from what I wore, to where I went, even what I studied in school. I wish I’d been strong enough to be myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 198

Today, my friend used my phone to tag some of my overweight Facebook friends in a weight-loss video, along with the comment "Here's some motivation, fatasses!" I was able to delete the post, but not before I got a bunch of angry messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 732

You deserved it 2 606

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 848

You deserved it 4 010

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 335

Same thing different taste

Discrimination

Mr. Smooth

Inked

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