Miscellaneous: Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While...

By Twix88 - United States - Huntsville

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

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Twix88 tells us more :

This is my FML. This did happen in Alabama. Sadly, I don't think this guy was kidding at all, although, he was obviously tweaking pretty hard so that may have played a role. He didn't work there he was just another customer. The dude actually brought it up twice. After the second time my brother ditched me and went outside to get away from him and left me to sit with the creep. However, shortly after I got the last laugh when he followed my brother outside to pester him again.

Miscellaneous

BO Central

Walk on the wild side

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By ...

Today, I finally had an interview for my dream job. It was all going great until I started chuckling uncontrollably, snorted like a pig and hit the guy with the world's largest snot rocket. All I could do was slip out the door as he sat paralysed with shock. FML

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By bridget1989 - United Kingdom - Swadlincote

Today, my boyfriend told me on the phone that he thought we were too poor for value-pack bacon. When I got home, I found he had gone to work leaving two lights and the TV on, and that the shower was running. He said, "Turning things on and off takes too much time! Who cares about money?" FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 02:00

Yummy, apple crumble!

Today, I accidentally cooked my new Apple Pencil. Being magnetic, it stuck to a baking tray that was put down on the table I’d been drawing at, and went in the oven. FML

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By asshole - 29/4/2020 20:00

Fashion Police

Today, I called a company to see why the dress I’d ordered for my best friend hadn’t been delivered. After doing some digging and ruining the surprise, it turns out it had been. Her boyfriend opened the package, deemed the dress "too slutty" and threw it out. He refuses to pay me back. FML

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By jnisla - United States - Conway

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

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By got any coupons? - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML

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By mzgabbster - United States

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

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By Gracie

Today, I was having a cigarette in a smoking area when a mother with a pram strode towards me and exaggerated a cough to make some sort of point. Reluctantly, I put it out and walked off. I then turned around to see her lighting up a cigarette, and blowing smoke all over her baby. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:02 - United States

Diaspora

Today, I found out the guy i've been crushing on might be my cousin. Again. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2021 23:01

Hesitation

Today, I got a great job offer but things are constantly changing at my current position due to COVID. So I was honest and told them I wanted to see what my employer could offer. They took back their offer and gave it to someone else. FML

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By redcherries90 - United States

Today, I slipped on the new snow and sprained my ankle. As my mom and I were leaving the emergency room, she says, "You owe me $4 for parking," and she meant it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

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By bgierczak2 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wallet was stolen from my purse at work. When I asked my boss to pull the security tape so we could identify the thief, he said, "I don't think I want to know who it is." FML

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By judge not, ye cunt - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML

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By fuck - United States - Hubert

Caught

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

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By J - Malta - Piet?

Today, my sister punched me in the face. My dad was actually annoyed with me when I told him. He said I'll never be a "real man" if I can't take a hit from a girl. FML

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By Dumbfounded - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

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By WhatsThatSmell - Australia

Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Front line workers

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session. My girlfriend texted me during the exchange, asking what I wanted for Christmas. I accidentally texted my trainer, "All I want are your sweet titties in my face". I'm awaiting a response. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Simi Valley

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I covered for my friend at work because he said he was having car troubles and was going to be late. Two hours into the shift, I got a call from my roommate asking why my girlfriend had moved out. Turns out, I'd covered my friend's shift so he could help my girlfriend move out behind my back. FML

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By dazzla08

Today, in front of my family, my brother's wife announced that she was pregnant with their first child. Everyone joked around and said I was next. Two weeks ago I found out that I'm sterile. FML

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By sadsenior - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, the guy I live with demanded that I get a job or start paying rent. It'd be perfectly reasonable, if he wasn't my husband, and if I hadn't just given birth to our first child. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my mother asking me if I was okay. Confused, I asked her what she meant. She then told me that my boyfriend had broken up with me, and she just wanted to make sure I was handling it alright. I had to find out my relationship was over from my mom. FML

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By Nutty

Today, my girlfriend refused to have sex with me, because my underwear are Fruit of the Loom instead of Hanes. According to her, since all real men wear Hanes, I'm unfit to have sex with her because I wear Fruit of the Loom and am therefore not a man. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 02:01

Delusional

Today, my mom is 100% positive that she saw me meeting up with a stranger and buying some kind of drug from "him." I didn't even pass by anyone on my walk. I went to get dollar store pizza, because I can't afford to buy any decent food this week, let alone drugs. FML

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By wideawake - United Kingdom

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

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By JeezyCherieze - United States

Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML

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By Degueusement - France - Puteaux

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

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By HkxAliso0302 - 3/3/2020 22:00 - China - Beijing

News from China

Today, I've been trapped at home for almost two months because of the epidemic. Now I'm thrilled just to get to go outside to throw garbage away, as if I'm going on a trip. FML

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1644

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

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11686

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By BEE - United States

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2020 11:08 - United States - Sammamish

Insane parents

Today, I found out that 20 years ago, when my friends would call to talk to me after I started being homeschooled, my parents told them we were moving. We never moved. I could never understand why all of my friends stopped talking to me. FML

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By notquitejuliet - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

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By laurenraeee - United States

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

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By BeatByA9yrold - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

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By Rastaa_Reyes

The definition of irony

Today, I went to Wal-Mart with my mom. She kept telling me to put my keys away so I wouldn't lose them. After a few times, I got annoyed and yelled at her. When we got back to her house, I realized I'd lost my keys. FML

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Top comments

By cyanidesandwich | 21

#5862826 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:01

I feel like we need to know what State this happened in.

By kjack49044 | 18

#5862911 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 17:34

Umm I live in Texas and it's still abnormal to date family here too...

COMMENTS

By Mightyrif | 23

#5862825 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:01

Ahhh don't you just love Texas!! I'm assuming it is of course...

botanistjessica | 24

#5862882 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:56

That's fucked up, asshole.

airhead2015 | 18

#5862886 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 17:01

It's actually Alabama. Check on the website dick.

kjack49044 | 18

#5862911 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 17:34

Umm I live in Texas and it's still abnormal to date family here too...

mario2012 | 18

#5862928 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 17:58

I hate people like you 1.

Gingerette | 8

#5862943 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 18:16

Pretty sure the only place where that's half normal is Arkansas...

gracehi | 31

#5862945 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 18:17

You're mixing up your stereotypes, 1. Incest being common is a stereotype of Alabama, not Texas. I'm not saying the stereotype is true in Alabama either.

jlamb0328 | 4

#5863262 - Thursday 20 February 2014 0:16

I actually thought that West Virginia was the state with the stereotype of incest...

King_paradox | 22

#5863269 - Thursday 20 February 2014 0:22

Such win. With that comment only texans or west Virginias would down vote

Cadillac4427 | 8

#5863312 - Thursday 20 February 2014 1:26

absolutely loved your comments(#55, #56 and #81) ! lmao

ItsATwinThing | 9

#5863481 - Thursday 20 February 2014 6:15

I'm British and that 'stereotype' is usually generalised to all southern states...I'm just sat here drinking tea and considering better dental care.

buttcramp | 21

#5863482 - Thursday 20 February 2014 6:17

I'm a Texan and just so you know we are responsible for a majority of the nations profits due to our medical centers, oil, etc. we aren't all hillbillies down here. I don't even own a gun, horse, dog, or boots. I do however, have a chef and restaurant manager for a husband, a brilliant toddler, and I work as a diagnostic ECG/ EKG technician. I'd say that's a pretty normal family (oh, and we weren't related prior to marriage)

WellThatSucked89 | 13

#5863656 - Thursday 20 February 2014 12:00

You must be so proud..

arandomusernameaa | 20

#5863658 - Thursday 20 February 2014 12:24

That's a nice story 102.

wildnargles | 15

#5863849 - Thursday 20 February 2014 16:29

You can add racism to that list too! Have a good day mam

jlamb0328 | 4

#5865444 - Saturday 22 February 2014 5:45

#102 That story was so thrilling I felt like I was actually there...wow...that just...that just blew my mind!!

mary_13 | 26

#5866035 - Sunday 23 February 2014 1:00

You'r comment is my favorite.lol

equitationbound | 22

#5866319 - Sunday 23 February 2014 11:22

Thanks for the life story, 102.

kittykat1501 | 31

#6518308 - Sunday 24 January 2016 3:55

88she's from alabama

By cyanidesandwich | 21

#5862826 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:01

I feel like we need to know what State this happened in.

Ihavegas | 22

#5862829 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:04

I second this

amphetamin3 | 17

#5862837 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:11

Not on my phone. Just says united states.

laden_swallow09 | 34

#5862841 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:16

Yeah, 12. Same here. I don't see AL anywhere.

Welshite | 39

#5862845 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:18

Baustigt was making a joke by perpetuating the Southern incest stereotype.

Welshite | 39

#5862850 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:21

And here I thought Baustigt was trying to be clever.

The app does not display the state.

Welshite | 39

#5862861 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:26

Ha! I already gave you my driver's license, and I'm not making that mistake again. Do you know how many private security guards I had to hire when I saw you stalking me? That kind of security ain't cheap, you know.

cyanidesandwich | 21

#5862862 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:27

Huh, I figured it was on the website. Go figure that it was Alabama...

crazytwinsmom | 25

#5862885 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 17:01

My phone app used to show the state but hasn't since I updated the app.

Kamon97 | 23

#5862889 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 17:06

Sweeet home Alabama!

crazytwinsmom | 25

#5862912 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 17:37

Where the skies are so blue

Scotticus117 | 11

#5863347 - Thursday 20 February 2014 2:25

It says Alabama on the post. So we shouldn't be surprised then...*queue banjo playing*

Clay_Pidgeon | 11

#5863349 - Thursday 20 February 2014 2:27

Alan, how much power does FML staff have? If somebody talks shit to you can you ban them or something? This is serious, I'm just wondering.

warsun | 27

#5863586 - Thursday 20 February 2014 8:50

Staff comments look so special D:

jadeystram | 3

#5863634 - Thursday 20 February 2014 11:05

It says Alabama in the description so It was probably there?? I can't say 100% of course :)

IHATEFMYLIFE | 26

#5863867 - Thursday 20 February 2014 17:03

29: I figure you like the word figure. :)

patrickalamo | 47

#5863876 - Thursday 20 February 2014 17:28

It's all relative...

By abhi95 | 31

#5862827 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:02

Waaw! You don't wanna know about his household for sure!

Redoxx_fml | 22

#5862892 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 17:09

He's definitely a Lannister

abhi95 | 31

#5863036 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 20:00

Can't wait for this season to start.. Even my exams will be over! I'm excited just thinking about last season's ending!

By 712sash | 25

#5862828 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:04

Seems like he needs his oil changed.

abhi95 | 31

#5862831 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:05

And that is metaphorically related how?

ComoEsJuan | 24

#5862858 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:25

Goin out a limb here and saying, maybe he meant "oil" to mean "mindset"?

C'mo, dude, back me up...

illegalbeagle69 | 23

#5862878 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:49

Don't know how that's related, but oil change in Blue Mountain State.. messed up..

TunaFireStarter | 16

#5862977 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 18:59

I thought it was more like his "brain oil." So he's saying he needs his "oil" changed to make his brain run better? That he isn't quite alright in the head? But that doesn't really make sense either.

Or maybe not. Who knows.

Faff | 20

#5862998 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 19:11

Maybe asking if you're dating is some kind of code meaning 'i need my oil changed' and this guy recognized the code

By derpina15 | 26

#5862833 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:07

I'm getting a vibe that you live in the south...

By Posthuman | 26

#5862834 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:09

He was just wishing you luck on your "family outing."

Maybe he wanted to role play as the father in a freaky 3 way?

He obviously saw you weren't getting any, so he was letting you both know of an alternative?

I got nothing.

Nightheated | 8

#5862843 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:16

Wtf

hashshim | 21

#5863427 - Thursday 20 February 2014 4:51

9: I exile you from the Internet.

xx000o | 27

#5863650 - Thursday 20 February 2014 11:43

You are correct, you most definitely got nothing.

By amphetamin3 | 17

#5862835 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:09

Maybe you didn't catch the rest of his statement. "so...you're not." Ehh, I'd probably find somewhere else to get my oil changed.

laden_swallow09 | 34

#5862846 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:18

Why?

amphetamin3 | 17

#5862880 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 16:51

Because every time I saw that guy, I'd remember that horrifying moment of someone implying me and my brother should date? I dont know. Don't ask me questions that I don't really have an answer for. You don't know me and my life! :p lol.