Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to the lake today or tomorrow because I'd been called in to work. She won't believe me and thinks I'm simply avoiding her. I got called in to bathe and clean dogs' anal glands. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML
Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML
Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML
Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML
Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, the same manager who wrote me up for missing work when my mom had had a stroke, thought it was perfectly acceptable to announce she was leaving work 6 hours early to take her dogs to the groomers. Apparently, that appointment was more urgent than me riding in an ambulance with my mother. FML
Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML
Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
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Top comments
alissa222 15
invite her to join you.
jamila123 5
at least you have a job.
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Comments (146)
lmaoatall 6
let me get this straight. you're missing two days of lake fun with your friends because you have to milk ass juice from dogs buttholes. FYL op.
cptmorgan6 8
Umm..... I don't think that's what she meant by cleaning. But, if that's how you'd like to imagine it, then by all means, go ahead.
F0xyTurtle 8
probably not enough
bankrupt 15
Actually No. 21, No. 12 is right. That is essentially what the OP is doing. The glands get clogged and need expressing so the OP is, in effect, milking ass juice out of some dirty dogs' stinking asses. If it isn't done they can get impacted and then it's a real mess. You'd have to pay me a million bucks to do that rotten job. Frankly I don't know which is worse; having a whiny, needy, paranoid friend or having to do that foul-smelling, dirty job.
cptmorgan6 8
Ok, 34. I admit I made an impulsive comment and I am not aware of what the procedure is that the OP is taking a part of. My mistake.
bankrupt 15
Well, we learn something new every day. What you can actually use this newfound knowledge for is iffy at best, but nevertheless you have acquired it.
sweet_candy_ 17
Maybe op needs the money. Going to the lake doesn't pay the bills.
FarSide 23
@33: I think we all got the visual. Thanks.
dizzaymizlizzay 11
33 is totally right. I posted about it on someone else's comment. The smell of that anal gland stuff makes you want to throw up no joke. It's like a condensed trash dump smell and u seriously gag.
woody768 0
My mom calls them buttsacs lol
forthepainx3 0
yummy.
regsworld11 2
well that is your job, she's just going to have to accept it, and so are you. (:
cptmorgan6 8
What??!! I love doing that! OP, screw the lake. Enjoy the anus... I mean anal cleansing time and enjoy the time you spend helping dogs.
sarabraun8 7
that's a horrible job
elmorous 0
take the dogs with you. she'll believe you then
enonymous 9
Where can I get an appt!?
IIIiIII16 0
feeder supply
jeob1992 8
Wow, I think there is two FML's here one the job and two the friend not believing them. That just sucks, sorry
bzett 0
how much are you getting paid?
superpoptart 24
aww that blows.