Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to the lake today or tomorrow because I'd been called in to work. She won't believe me and thinks I'm simply avoiding her. I got called in to bathe and clean dogs' anal glands. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML
Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML
Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML
Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML
Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, the same manager who wrote me up for missing work when my mom had had a stroke, thought it was perfectly acceptable to announce she was leaving work 6 hours early to take her dogs to the groomers. Apparently, that appointment was more urgent than me riding in an ambulance with my mother. FML
Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML
Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
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Top comments
alissa222 15
invite her to join you.
jamila123 5
at least you have a job.
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Comments (146)
Bekll 31
This job should be right up there with the jobs mentioned on today's Tyra show: dog food taster, porta-potty cleaner, pooper scooper, and gum cleaner. It's definitely a job out of your comfort zone. All the more power to you OP.
Bekll 31
*laughs* An episode like that can't be missed. I love the unordinary.
Salvikidd 6
:o she's not a good best friend, she doesn't believe you
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
that's probably more action Op would get with her non-existent boyfriend.
An0nym0us5757 0
Anal glands FTW haha
SirObvious 1
work work work..all day long-workin all day while I sing this song:)
JoeyPterodactyl 0
Send her photos from the job.
alexandrab 0
call into work and tell them you r sick! go to the lake you only live once
JoeyPterodactyl 0
And the dogs might not live at all if the glands burst and the dog gets infected.
FarSide 23
When was the last time you saw a dog's ass explode because of impacted turds?
julianne8174 0
do you actually want him to get fired??!!!!!! asshole....
manofthenorth 0
what's up with dogs' wouldn't it just be dogs? I mean it sucks but c'mon this is what that says (d-og-s-es)
a1mightymorpher 0
k.
demetrius19 7
lol ok