That's pretty crappy. :c

I would throw up at my desk and let the office stink of my vomit. I hope you feel better soon OP.

Sounds like a shitty job.

Looks like urine trouble. Whoops, that's not quite it. These cliché puns aren't as easy as I thought they'd be!

You should crap yourself so they let you go home

Touch everything. They deserve to catch it.

How can they decide? Get a doctors note and leave!

I'd leave anyway and grab a doctor's note for sure. With proof of the urgency of your situation from a doctor covers your butt from being fired while giving you time to get yourself back to good health. Health comes first!

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time!! Hey at least you're getting paid but feel better soon

Take pictures of your bowel movements for them.